QS. Maryam 1-2

 

كٓهٰيٰـعٓـصٓ​

Kāf Hā Yā` 'Aīn Ṣād.

ذِكۡرُ رَحۡمَتِ رَبِّكَ عَـبۡدَهٗ زَكَرِيَّا ​

(Yang dibacakan ini adalah) 
penjelasan tentang rahmat Tuhanmu kepada hamba-Nya, Zakaria,


Insights: 
Ayat 1 adalah tentang hal yang kita tidak tahu artinya. 
Ayat 2 adalah tentang kasih sayang Allah. 

Bahwa terkadang, kasih sayang Allah itu adalah hal yang kita tidak ketahui atau sadari. 
Kita nggak tahu bahwa selama ini ternyata Allah menyayangi kita. 
Kita nggak sadar bahwa selama ini kita selalu dalam penjagaan Allah. 
Buktinya sering kan, kita ngeluh saat hal gak enak kejadian sama kita. Padahal selalu ada hikmah kasih sayang Allah dibalik kejadian yang tidak enak itu. 

Seperti dalam surat Maryam ini, dimana Maryam mengandung seorang anak tanpa bapak. 

POV manusia:  “Kasihan Maryam, lahirin anak tanpa bapak”

POV Allah:  “Kasih sayang yang berlimpah keberkahan hadir melalui anaknya, menjadikan ibunya menjadi wanita mulia di langit dan di bumi”


Semoga kita termasuk mereka yang selalu yakin bahwa Allah selalu sayang kita, apapun yang terjadi. Dan termasuk mereka yang ikhlas dengan rahasia yang tetap menjadi rahasia milikNya. 


Kita memang nggak tahu gimana cara Allah menyayangi, tapi kita tahu bahwa apa yang Allah lakukan kepada kita, adalah bentuk sayang-Nya. 


Source: Kelas Qur'an Review





Perlahan, ... tapi jalan.

 Usia 40-an tuh... kayak masuk bab baru yang nggak pernah kita latihanin sebelumnya.

Ternyata bener ya, apa yang Rasulullah bilang... di usia ini, kita mulai gentar.
Katanya ini tanda cinta Allah—karena kita (mungkin) sedang memasuki paruh hidup.
Waktunya refleksi. Waktunya pulang ke diri sendiri.

40-an ku dimulai dengan kehilangan Papa.
Sosok yang selama ini jadi invisible spine buat aku.
Yang selalu bilang, “Kamu harus berani, kamu anak perempuan papa. Kamu nggak jalan sendirian.”
Dan ternyata, aku memang nggak pernah sendirian. Ada beliau. Ada Allah.

Kalau kamu juga lagi ada di usia ini, kemungkinan kamu Gen X atau early millennial. Congrats ya, kita udah ngelewatin banyak banget perubahan pola pikir dunia. Dari era kaset ke Spotify. Dari SMS 160 karakter ke voice note 2 menit. Dan kita adaptif banget!

Usia 40-an itu unik. Kita masih bisa hype, tapi juga (katanya) udah lebih bijak (... seharusnya sih he he he... ) Kita udah bisa ngerem, tapi masih penasaran. Udah bisa bilang “nggak,” tapi masih suka FOMO juga.

Yang bikin geli, anak-anak kita—Gen Z, Gen Alpha—udah nganggep kita boomer. Padahal kita ngerasa masih muda banget ya kan?? Mereka anggap kita satu generasi sama kakek-neneknya. Excuse me??

Tapi jujurly…

Aku bersyukur jadi generasi yang kenal teknologi, tapi masih punya unggah-ungguh dari orang tua.
Kita tuh jembatan. Bisa ngobrol sama Gen Z, tapi juga nyambung sama orang tua.

Cuma kadang aku juga overwhelmed. Ngikutin obrolan anak-anak tuh kayak decode alien language: Dari tungtungtung sahur ke stecu ke slang TikTok yang lain. The world is too customised I can’t see the trend anymore.

Beberapa teman baru mulai manjat tangga korporat. Beberapa udah muak dan keluar. Termasuk aku. Yang pertama kadang merasa telat, yang kedua kadang merasa kepagian. Padahal… papa pensiun umur 55. Lah aku bentar lagi dong?? Panik sesaat. Lalu chill lagi.

We’re at that age: Old enough to know better, yet too young to stop messing it up. Dan mungkin… itu nggak apa-apa.

Jadi, buat kamu yang lagi ada di fase ini juga…
Tenang. Kita nggak sendirian.
Kita generasi tengah-tengah yang sedang belajar terus, salah terus, bener terus—campur aduk.
Kadang overthinking, kadang pasrah ngopi aja dulu.

Tapi satu hal yang pasti:
Kita tuh masih terus tumbuh.
Dan tumbuh itu, meski nggak selalu nyaman, tetap bagian dari rahmat-Nya.

Here’s to us, yang sedang menua dengan rasa syukur dan (sedikit) humor.
Pelan-pelan aja, tapi tetap jalan.
Karena katanya…
life begins at 40, but wisdom starts when you’re ready to listen.

Happy 45th Me!

 How is it like to be a 45 years old? 


Well, 

I have been a 45 for 8 straight days and I keep delaying writing this blog, just to have more time to think about what 45 really means. 

Is it about the willing of no fear and be able to do anything I want? At least that what came to my thought as I woke up early in the morning that day. "I am 45 now, ... I think I can say and do whatever I want now. " Then what, bequeathing all the responsibilities to someone else? Ha ha ha 

Then I am thinking about how life is about the conclusion, the situation we are in when we die. Oh yeah, surely not ready. 

Then that particular moment has become a whole day, 

and a day after, 

and another day after, 

more days, 

up to this day. 

My 45 has become the early days of worrying about the future. It feels the time flies too fast, my eldest is now going to a university, my youngest is now has become a fully grown woman (physically) with all the whir wind, typhonic mood, ... and I feel lonely. 

As I tried to escape to some peers of mind, I have also realized that everyone is busy with their life. Its like 40s are about money. Some peers are crazy about preparing more and more income basket and been trying hard to catch up the shine she missed a few years back. As for the other is busy trying to get money with the least effort she could do. Another one is still busy preparing the champions of her life. 

Being zen in this hustle bustle life is such an effort. 

The buzzing in my mind are just too loud to shut.

Have I taken the wrong path? Have I mistakenly led my children so that they don't have any acknowledgements? 

45 is indeed to take a step back and to go back to the almighty. 

But why is it so challenging?  

What do you wish for

As Bi asih was burried into her grave, 
I saw Oom Mumu's eyes with dried tears and lips pushed down his jaw
to undescribeable sadness. 

He witnessed his sons and in laws 
burried her deeper: his one and only wife 
as his love will be forever flying around him. 

I saw him prayed for her from afar, 
and somehow I'm praying for myself too. 

Ya Allah, berikan aku seorang suami yang bisa mengantarku ke liang lahat dengan syariatmu. menyolatkanku, memandikanku, menerima tubuhku di dalam sana dan meyusun bebatuan di punggungku. Seorang suami yang bisa membawaku menuju gerbang surgamu, dan mempertemukanku kembali dengannya di kehidupan akhiratku. 

Aamin, Allahumma Aamin. 


BEING FORTY: Maret untuk Bapak

Bapak,
how are you up there? it has been a while.

Pak,
begitu banyak kejadian yang menimpa bumi sepeninggalnya bapak.
Mulai Monas digundulin, tahun baru yang dihiasi banjir, sampai harga masker per boxnya bisa mencapai jutaan gegara pandemik virus Cofid-19 di Wuhan.

Setelah beberapa bulan, akhirnya virus itu sampai juga ke Indonesia.
Yang diumumin Jokowi sih, ada 2 penderita domisilinya di Depok.
(Ngomong-ngomong ya Pak, presiden junjungan kita di periode lalu itu; sekarang kuring banget deh. Aneh bangeeeeeet, jatuhnya jadi sama aja seperti orang-orang aji mumpung yang berada di pemerintahan. Apalagi kombo sama Anies yg jadi gubernur ... aduh aduh aduh!)

Pak,
kalau bapak masih ada, Bapak pasti bingung deh kalau ke Superindo sekarang-sekarang ini.
Sampai nyari jahe dan bawang bombai aja susah lho, Pak. Semua diborong. Apalagi yang berbau antiseptik, sampe alkohol 70% aja bisa habis! Anehnya, tissue antiseptik merk Dettol kok masih banyak, ... apa karena ada tulisannya NO ALCOHOL ?

Gitulah, Pak
Sepeninggalnya Bapak, manusia nggak jauh berubah.
Ya sama aja, atau mungkin jadi lebih buruk.
Kalau bapak bisa lihat kita di sini dari atas sana,
pasti lagi geleng-geleng kepala ngeliat kelakuan kita
Pasti bapak gemes pengen bilang
"Oooooooy, di sini semua itu gak penting!"

Bapak sehat-sehat ya, di sana
Jangan punya anak perempuan lain ya di sana
Uwy aja
Insya Allah kita ketemu lagi di sana ya, Pak

Miss You!

BEING FORTY: Mimpi di hari ke-116

hari ke dua,
hari ke tiga,
hari ke sekian puluh,
bertanya-tanya kenapa bapak ngga juga datang ke dalam mimpi

entah kenapa juga seperti harus didatangi, ya?

kadang terbersit rasa ingin tahu gimana di sana,
sering juga bertanya apa ada pesan-pesan yang belum tersampaikan
(ini tipikal orang indonesia ya, dan aku emang orang indonesia ternyata)
ha ha ha

dan hari itu; luna sudah beberapa hari demam tinggi
jam dua tiga puluh dini hari, datanglah aki

*pintu belakang membuka

Nnnaaaaa, ...
Nnnaaaaa, ...
Nna sakit apa?

Ia datang memakai baju putih,
baju koko yang biasa dia pakai ke masjid depan
di mimpi itu aku tersadar, bahwa aki sudah tidak ada
tapi tak peduli kupeluk dan kucium, tapi nampaknya ia tidak peduli
karena segera mendekati si kecil yang terbaring dengan handuk kompres.

Nna sakit apa?
Ah, ini sih bentar lagi juga sehat bisa sekolah lagi
Nna sholat dong,
Kalau Nna sholat sekarang, nanti sholatnya pasti lebih banyak dari aki

Dan aku terbangun.
Merindu dalam gelap.

Besoknya Luna sembuh.
Dan lusa kembali ke sekolah.

BEING FORTY: gegar part

Foto yang menjadi latar belakang blog (pada saat ini), diambil di suatu malam di hari-hari pertama saya bergabung bersama Romp. Tak lain daripada sebuah advertising agency, industri dimana saya selama puluhan tahun ini berkutat untuk menghidupi keluarga (semoga berkah), membangun pertemanan (semoga pertemanan baik) dan berkarya (semoga, dan ini yang paling saya takutkan, dapat berguna).

Sebuah headphone full-ear, lampu yang bercahaya dan 1 pot tumbuhan dari Ikea ternyata cukup menggambarkan suasana hati, at least saat posting ini ditulis ya. Suasana hati dan kepala yang sedang gegar dengan bakti dan guna saya terhadap kehidupan.

Asumsi saya, ini semua karena bidang pekerjaan saya yang sifatnya sagatlah artificial dan materialistik. lalu, sempat diri ini mempertanyakan, apakah bidang ini masih relevan dengan saya dan ke depannya nanti.

Di sebuah pagi yang indah, saat saya dalam perjalanan menuju kantor, tentunya dengan semangat yang hilang selama beberapa hari ini, dan juga dengan sikap mengabaikan hampir semua email update tentang pekerjaan dan deck-deck presentasi yang harus saya cek, tiba-tiba ada notifikasi email masuk. Oh, dari siapa ya? Wah, ternyata dari Pak Bos. Sosok yang walau juga lebih tua dari saya, masih tetap memiliki sihir di industri ini.

Email itu berjudul Food for Thoughts. Nah, ini dia! Kapan ya terakhir kali kepala ini dikasih makan?
Ternyata isinya adalah sebuah artikel yang diambil dari sebuah website berbayar (Creative Review) yang selalu ada di angan-angan saya untuk subscribe - tapi nggak pernah kejadian (eh, kaya pernah denger di tempat lain juga ya hahaha). Begini isi artikelnya:

What to do if your job makes you unhappy
By  07/10/2019
We all have bad days at work – but what should you do if your job is making you miserable? We asked careers coach Kat Koh for advice on dealing with short- and long-term unhappiness
Even the most exciting and fun creative jobs have their downsides, whether it’s punishing deadlines, tricky clients or having to work to meagre budgets. No matter how much you love what you do, you can guarantee that at some point, there will be days when work puts you in a bad mood.
But unhappiness at work could also be a sign that you’ve fallen out of love with your job. All too often, creatives spend years in roles that don’t make them happy, either because they’re scared to leave, or because it can be painful to admit that the job you thought you wanted – the one you studied, interned and slogged to get – isn’t as enjoyable as you’d hoped.

It’s a situation that Kat Koh, a careers coach for creative people, knows all too well. Koh started out as an art curator, working at MoMA, the Brooklyn Museum in New York, San Francisco’s San José Museum and the Venice Architecture Biennale. But after years of studying art history, and gaining experience at leading museums, she found that curation wasn’t quite what she imagined.
“What I realised through being a junior curator at these places was that my favourite part of the job was sitting down with artists or designers or filmmakers, whoever we were working with to put on an exhibition, and helping them work through conceptual ideas, and [decide] what would be their contribution to this – but I only got to do that around 10% of the time,” she explains.” The other 90% of the time, I was doing a bunch of other stuff that I really didn’t care for and so, after years and years of this, I realised I had to leave.”

We all get overwhelmed or bored or burnt out from time to time, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that your career is not going well or there’s something that isn’t working
“I really sat on this decision and I wouldn’t recommend it. I knew I wasn’t happy, but I felt so bought in, because I’d done a PhD programme, and I was in all this student debt … but [eventually], I thought, there must be something I can do where I can do this more than 10% of the time,” she adds. “I didn’t know what that job was, but I found my own careers coach to help me in this process … and I realised through getting coached that if I could support creatives in this way, then I’d be spending 90% of the time doing what I could do only 10% of the time as a curator.”
Koh left the art world, retrained as a careers coach and has since worked with over 1,000 people, from product designers to filmmakers and entrepreneurs. Her clients range from junior designers fresh out of college to creative directors in their 40s, and most come to Koh because they’re feeling unsatisfied at work and want to make a change.

As Koh points out, it’s perfectly normal to feel unhappy at work, but there’s a difference between short- and long-term unhappiness. Feeling frustrated isn’t necessarily a signal that it’s time to quit your job – it could just be that you’re just overwhelmed and need to take some time out.
“We all get overwhelmed or bored or burnt out from time to time, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that your career is not going well or there’s something that isn’t working,” says Koh. “We’re so hyper-connected all the time and as someone who lives in San Francisco, I’m acutely aware of this. The phones we have, the computers we have, the software we use, there are brilliant people who are paid lots of money to think of brilliant ways to make you stay on them … and that’s very fatiguing, so it might just be that perhaps you need a break from it all. A lot of creatives work mostly on the computer, so the number one thing I’d suggest is going on a bit of a detox, even for a day.” For those who are feeling particularly overwhelmed, she advises spending a weekend catching up with loved ones and doing something you enjoy – whether it’s painting, making something tangible or going for a run. It might sound like common sense, but as Tanya Livesey recently explored in CR, rest is important for wellbeing and creativity.

If that doesn’t help, Koh recommends an exercise that, ironically, is borrowed from the tech world. “There’s something that is used quite often in tech called a retrospective. Often, it’s done after any major project is finished, and there are four columns: what went well, what can be improved, what do we want to do differently next time, and what still puzzles us? I’d recommend doing a present-day retrospective on your job – what are you really happy about, what is not going so well that could use some improvement, and in terms of the next time column, it could be rephrased to say, how do I want to move things forward?… What still puzzles you is a great one that I always recommend people spend some time with – what is still confusing or unclear to you about your current job or the work that you’re doing?”

The vast majority of folks that are very unhappy that I speak to are unhappy because they’ve been asking themselves, what should I do next? What is wrong?
If your unhappiness persists, then Koh believes it’s time to assess whether your job is really for you – or whether it might be time to make a change. But this realisation can often bring with it fresh anxiety over what to do next.
This is perfectly normal  – after all, human brains are hard-wired to fear uncertainty, and Koh says she is yet to meet someone who isn’t anxious at the prospect of changing jobs or careers, but it can leave people feeling stuck and unsure about what their next step should be.
This can be particularly stressful for creatives who pride themselves on creative problem-solving. “Creatives can be really hard on themselves about this – people will say but I’m a creative and I can’t think my way out of this, I feel so stuck, but there’s nothing wrong with them, and nothing bad happening to you – it’s just your brain doing its job because change is afoot,” says Koh. However, Koh believes that many people also feel anxious because they’re asking themselves all the wrong questions.

“The vast majority of folks that are very unhappy that I speak to [are unhappy] because they’ve been asking themselves, what should I do next? What is wrong? Questions that start with what? What should I do next is a great example, because as we know, you can just hop on the internet and there are so many possibilities, and everyone has an opinion – your parents have an opinion, your partner has an opinion, everyone has something to say – so this question causes a lot of swirl, and it can keep people in a holding pattern for a decade if you let it. I’m going to be bold and say this is the wrong question you should be asking when you’re unhappy,” she explains.
Instead, Koh believes it’s important to focus on the whys: “Starting with the question why is much more helpful, because why is connected to what’s meaningful and important to you. It could be why do you love this kind of work? Or why do you love design? Why do you love this company? Why do you hate this company?

“We’re bombarded with information all the team, so if you’re not clear on what’s important to you in your next job, whether it’s flexible working, or collaboration … it can be easy to get distracted thinking, maybe this is [the answer], or maybe that’s it – but when you clarify what’s meaningful to you, it gives you ground to stand on. It’s a great question to come back to when you feel like you keep coming back to the same question.”
If someone works at a really cool design house, often people will be really excited for them. Internally, they might be having a very different experience
Koh says this method has helped many of her clients figure out their next step – in some cases leading to promotion and in others, to a whole new career path. “One of my clients, when we first started working together, was the only designer in a very big company in New York. He was constantly getting pulled into meetings to represent design, and he didn’t have any creative time – so one of the things we clarified was that he wanted to be part of a collaborative, creative team of designers, and he also wanted to be a design leader. He’s now a head of design at the company, and he has five direct reports.”

Another of Koh’s clients left her job as an in-house creative director to set up her own graphic design practice, but soon became frustrated with the fact that she was spending most of her time on computers. After taking up painting, she discovered the world of surface design, and now splits her time between screen-based and physical work.
In the creative industries in particular, people can often be reluctant to admit they’re unhappy at work – especially if their job is one that might, on the surface, seem like a dream role.  “If someone works at a really cool design house, often people will be really excited for them and say that’s so cool that you work there. Internally, they might be having a very different experience, but there is this feeling of who can I really talk to about this, because everyone keeps saying you have such a great job, why would you be unhappy?”

As someone who has made a career out of helping creatives who are feeling stuck, frustrated or unsatisfied, Koh is keen to point out that it’s not uncommon – especially if you’ve reached a point where it’s time to make a change, either because you feel you’ve outgrown your job, or because you’ve decided it isn’t for you.
The most important thing if you’ve found yourself in this position, says Koh, is to identify the cause of your unhappiness through identifying what makes you happy – and what doesn’t – before you start trying to work out how to get yourself out of it.
“Just like certain recipes must be followed in a certain order and the meal is disastrous if you don’t, I really believe that the order in which you ask these questions is really important, because when you get clear, the part of your brain that is excellent at coming up with ideas and problem solving, that can kick into gear in an amazing focused way, rather than like a firecracker … once you have that clarity, then you can get up and do other things in your life and not worry so much because you’ve laid out a plan and a path.”
Hmmm, gak hepi boleh. 
Tapi jangan kelamaan. 

Kayanya trik ini nggak cuma relate di sikap bekerja ya, tapi juga di segala aspek kehidupan. Selama hal ini nggak bikin menderita banget, mungkin saatnya punya distraksi baru. Bukan berarti nggak hepi juga. At least buat aku. Karena somehow, industri ini memberikan kejujuran walau juga outputnya (lebih banyak) tentang situasi idealnya dan bukan gambaran realistis. Kenapa jujur? Karena di industri ini aku mampu mentertawai diri sendiri (again, walau lebih banyak mentertawai orang lain ya). Ditambah lagi, nobody dies. 

Lalu, apakah hal ini membuatku berhenti dari gegarku? 
Tunggu di cerita gegar part 2, ya. 
Insya Allah. 

BEING FORTY: dad

as I wrote here,
https://wulliewullie.blogspot.com/2019/05/life-begins-at-forty.html

and I wrote before,
https://wulliewullie.blogspot.com/2019/03/ma-n-pa.html

Still I cannot believe that he's already gone.

I can still hear his voice.
I can still feel his presence.
Specially at night, after Isya, he often stay for coffee and tv.
I can still hear the phone rings when I come back late from the office, listen to his voice asking me when will I be home.

This is too hard for me.
It is like I'm loosing my spine and courageous facing life.

Never thought loosing him is going to be this painful and I got suffocated every time I reminisce him. Often times I scream inside calling out his name
"Bapaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak"
When I brush my teeth,
when I exhale,
when in shower,

Would you come in my dream?
I just want to ask you,

"Are you okay?"
"Has god been treating you nice?"
"I miss you"


BEING FORTY: A day with Mom

Walau rumah sebelahan; jarang-jarang aku menghabiskan waktu di rumah Mamah. Tapi hari itu, kita masak dan belanja bareng. Judulnya sih pengen masak ayam panggang, sekalian juga belajar dan mencuri resep ayam bakar andalan si Mamah.

Kangen juga rasanya. Dulu, tiap bulan Ramadhan, biasanya kita selalu duduk bareng untuk bikin kue. Kebiasaan ini terhenti baru-baru ini aja. Saat aku udah nemu vendor kue sehat dan enak, dan Mamah juga udah terlalu tua dan cepat merasa capek. Tinggal tradisi bikin cheese stick yang masih dipertahankan. Tapi biasanya itu lapaknya Mamah dan cucu-cucunya.

Hari itu, aku malah skip sana-sini selama proses masaknya. Karena, Mamah minta bantuin obatin anak kucing yang lagi flu dan sakit mata. Tapi karena itu juga waktu memasak jadi lebih lama dan di sela-sela itu, kita jadi cerita banyak. Bahkan cerita hal yang sudah setahun ini kupendam, akhirnya tumpah ruah juga. Mamah juga cerita hal-hal kecil antara dia dan si aki. Buat Mamah, hal-hal yang dia ceritain itu mengesalkan. Tapi buatku, cerita-cerita itu lucu sekali. Dan somehow, ... manis banget untuk dikenang.

Growing old together is not easy. 
But yet we should be grateful if we have someone to share our old days with. 

Kalau denger dari cerita-cerita Mamah soal si Bapak, kayanya dua-duanya tuh memang nggak merasa sudah tua. Ya iya sih, kita semua juga nggak ada yang sadar bahwa sudah tua. Rasanya masih muda dan masih sempurna paripurna. Padahal, pendengaran misalnya, mulai menurun. Saat si A teriak-teriak, hal itu tak lain adalah karena dia nggak bisa mendengar suaranya sendiri. Trus si B tersinggung, kenapa si A teriak-teriak dan nggak merasa salah. Karena si B udah sakit hati, gak kedengeran lagi tuh si A ngomong apa. Jadilah si A marah beneran, karena udah teriak-teriak kok si B bodoh banget sampai nggak paham maksudnya.

Hahaha ... blunder.

Misalnya lagi, cerita soal bau kaki. Si A complain karena si B bau kaki. Si B boro-boro sadar kakinya bau, jadi marah karena dituding jadi kaki bau. Padahal, semata-mata bau tidak sedap itu datang dari sela kaki dan kuku, yang mana karena sudah tua merunduk untuk mengeringkan kaki saja tidak bisa. Sendi-sendi rasanya kaku dan pernah suatu waktu spontan nunduk ambil mainan si cucu, eh malah syaraf punggung terjepit. Habis marah-marah soal bau kaki, lalu aku lihat mereka saling gosok-gosokan balsem karena hari sudah sore dan badan mulai ngilu.

Cerita Mamah masih belum berakhir. Kali ini soal rasa bosan. Bosan dengan ngilu-ngilu yang dirasakan, bosan minum obat, bosan dengan dia lagi dia lagi yang tampak di depan muka, bosan dengan hidup yang tidak lagi menawarkan hingar bingar, ... hidup di usia akhir tujuh puluhan dengan kondisi kesehatan dan keuangan yang biasa-biasa aja, ternyata cukup penuh tantangan. Giliran lagi sehat, dompetnya nggak sehat. Saat dompet sehat, badan nggak kuat.

Hahaha ... sabar. Tuhan akan mengabulkan, sayangnya seringkali tidak di waktu yang kita mau. 

 Mamah terlihat senang sekali saat saya masak bersama di dapurnya hari itu. Setelahnnya,  kita belanja bareng, tentu dengan ATM yang sudah diisiin anak-anaknya. Makin hepi deh dia.

Growing old is not easy, but there's always something we can smile at. 

Sehat selalu dan penuh berkah di usia senjamu ya aki, nini,
semoga aku senantiasa punya waktu dan rejeki untuk membahagiakanmu.

Life begins at forty





I have been thinking of a post about me hitting forty. I have been thinking it before birthday, during birthday, and now it has been 17 days after my fortieth birthday and I just have the mojo to write at this moment.

For my fortieth birthday,  I was planning of a solo getaway, of going umrah, of spending some nights with my girls, all of them is to celebrate the so called 'newly life'. But none of them ever happened. Yet.

Turned out, on the D day, I chose just to stay home and celebrated it with my family, in a simple restaurant. My celebration mood decreasing little by little as I hit April and Daddy got sick. Then I have to prepare my son for a national exam. Along with hubby's no sugar no carbs movement, I had to squeezed my brain to make a flourless sugarless birthday cake for him. All of these actually drenched my mood of birthday celebration. But I had no regrets at all. In contrary, I felt content.

Hubby tried to impress me by surprised cake and a gift I have been craving: mirrorless camera hahaha! I also got so many birthday wishes, my boss invited me and my team to his house and he made a homemade safron ice cream. He also gave me a little gift, a handmade leather brooch from middle east. I was beyond happy.

Today, when I was preparing myself to write this post, I stumbled upon a post I did three years ago: https://wulliewullie.blogspot.com/2015/08/fridate-with-girls.html and it got me thinking.

That I have been living a good life and a good path. Who would have thought that I could finally bought a branded handbag for mom within two years after I uploaded the post? Who would have thought that I would be able to take care and to be the bread winner for both my mom and dad on their old days? Who would have thought that I could take them to fancy dinners? That glorious life people perceived by hitting forties; I actually have achieved them before I was forty.

But now that I am being forty, I have another interpretation about which life of mine that's just begun.
It is the life of being more wise, speaking in a soft manner to my parents.
It is the life of realizing my authority upon their good life.
It is the moment when I saw my father cried, just like me in my twenties being broken-hearted.
It is the life of understanding my parents' disability because they got so much older.
It is the life of me accepting aching bones during too cold aircon.
It is the new life I will be facing from now on, and still I am very grateful.

Thank you dear Allah.
Thank you for loving me so much.

Eerie early


another April post,
not a nice one.
.
there was once you worried about my weight
and there was once i worried about my weight
and i still do
.
and look at me, dad
the love i have been searching now turns to handles on my hip
the sacs that has decided to be friend with gravity
the bags i have been craving and now are hanging right under my eyes
.
just at the time i have them all
the weight you want me to bear,
the love you want me to find,
the joyous fatty laugh that won't leave,
but strangely they make me worry about you
simply because you are just less heavy than i do
.
and here comes the time i am worry about you
i have become you

get well soon, pap.



Cinta itu, terkadang, adanya di perut

hulo!

gilaaaaa, sudah lama sekali nggak blogging. Much of people (I mean my friends) start podcasting and I am not so confident to do it, might as well let's go back to blog aja deh yaaaa. Udah lama juga nggak sharing, baru ada 2 post tahun ini. Oh my! Maaf ya teman-teman (ih, kaya banyak yang baca aja sih yaaa) hahaha....

so,
mau sharing apa kali ini?

hmmm,
sebenernya udah lama sih pengen cerita tentang aktivitas baru yang kira-kira berawal di bulan puasa tahun ini. Jadi memang baru beberapa bulan aja sih. Sampai akhirnya film Aruna dan Lidahnya released. Trus saya kecewa gitu sama filmnya. mungkin over expectation. secara ya, fans berat NS hehehe. sayang sih, ... sayang banget. Tapi bukan filmnya yang mau dibahas. Yang mau dibagi adalah cerita saya tentang betapa makanan yang dihasilkan oleh dapur di rumah; bisa menumbuhkan asa atau harapan baru dalam sebuah hubungan.

rumah ini berdiri tahun 2006, setahun sebelum titan lahir. tapi baru tahun ini, si ibu dan dapurnya bisa memproduksi makanan rumahan sendiri secara rutin, setiap hari. lebih tepatnya, mau memproduksi makanan rumahan sendiri. kalau cuma 'bisa' sih, dari dulu juga bisa. tapi kalau 'mau' sepertinya lebih ada muatan niat dan effort. niat dan effort itu, tentunya akan lebih besar kalau ada motif.

as we all know ya, gak ada yang namanya pernikahan yang udah lebih dari 10 tahun akan tetap membara seperti di awalnya. pasti cuma ada di instagram. kalau sekolah tiap tahun ada naik kelasnya, harusnya pernikahan juga ada dong ya. masa gitu-gitu aja. dalam kasus saya, masa masih juga nggak masakin suami dan anak-anak? sementara, di masa kecil saya (bahkan hingga saat ini), hidup saya dimanjain sama masakan ibu nini yang luar biasa tak tergantikan lezatnya. lalu kapan giliran suami dan anak-anak saya? selain weekend tentunya.

niatan ini juga didorong oleh obrolan ringan di saat sahur bersama seorang klien saya. ih, males banget ya hang-out sahuran? hahaha, tenang, ini semua karena shooting! klien saya itu perempuann dan belum menikah, tapi dia bercerita bagaimana seorang temannya di kantor bisa menjadi ibu bekerja dengan mudah. ia cerita bagaimana temannya ini berlangganan delivery sayuran ke kantor, setiap hari. trik si ibu sih sebenarnya biasa aja ya. tapi cara klien saya itu bercerita, saya jadi terinspirasi sekaligus kesentil.

ya iya juga sih. what's stopping me?

Lalu pelan-pelan, saya mulai berteman sama tukang sayur yang lewat depan rumah setiap hari. Awalnya masa kapa aja yang ada di gerobaknya. Lama-lama mulai minta nomor telfon, trus pesan bahan mentah yang saya mau dan dia antarkan keesokan harinya.

Lalu saya mulai tanya-tanya teman, tukeran inspirasi menu mingguan. Tukeran resep, tips and trick gimana supaya masak pagi lebih efektif. Gimana kalau shooting pagi, makanan apa yang cocok untuk dimasak malam sebelumnya dan masih tetap enak keesokan harinya.

Awalnya saya masak sepulang kantor. Untuk makan malam, dan masak batch 2 untuk keesokan harinya. Masakan batch 2 ini sih biasanya bikin base-nya aja. Seperti masak kaldu sup, jadi besok anak-anak tinggal cemplungin sayur-sayurnya aja yang sudah saya siapin. Atau, masak ungkep ayam / daging atau bikin tempe bacem. Atau juga bumbuin ayam tepung, jadi anak-anak bisa minta tolong mbak untuk gorengin kalau sudah mau makan.

Beberapa bulan lancer tuh dengan ritme seperti itu. Jadi saya bobo agak malam, dan bangun pagi santai-santai. Toh berangkat ke kantor juga baru jam 9 pagi.

Tapi tiba-tiba, suami sibuk cari-cari lunch box di tokopedia. Wah, saya deg-degan. Ternyata bener aja, dia berniat untuk membawa makan siang sendiri hahaha… ya kalo siapin makan siang kan berarti ai harus bangun pagi juga anyway, kaaaaaaan hahaha!

But then I take it as … he loves my cooking. Suami juga bukan tipe yang pergi makan siang keluar kantor. Lebih suka makan di tempat kerja, secepatnya, seperlunya, sambil lanjut kerja.

Jadi, akhirnya, ritme hidup saya mulai seperti ibu-ibu lainnya. Seperti juga sahabat-sahabat saya yang lain. Bangun lebih pagi untuk siapin makan pagi dan sekaligus masak untuk keseluruhan hari itu.

Trus, ada perubahan yang terjadi gak setelah saya masak sendiri buat suami dan anak-anak?

Much as cliché as an ad commercial, tapi bener sih. Kayanya kedatangan saya pulang ke rumah lebih ditunggu-tunggu. Anak-anak lebih respect sama setiap makanan yang saya buat. Saya jadi lebih dekat lagi sama suami. Group persahabatan lebih rame dengan hal-hal essential dan lebih supportif, encouraging untuk bisa bikin masakan yang lebih variative lagi. Dan luna, jadi senang masak ngeliatin ibunya. Udah bisa iris bawang merah tipis tanpa buraian air mata. Yang lebih senang lagi sih, karena saya bisa jadi contoh yang dia liat dan dia kerjain sendiri.

Jadi bener ya. Terkadang, cinta itu adanya di perut.







This is: marriage after kids



Maybe it feels like there is less time now
For date nights
Romance
... or each other

When there is little one to feed, love and care for
Part of you might miss before
But there is strength in these changes
and vulnerability to find each other
And if you know where is to look
there romance is still there

It's in the quiet early morning hours
before the kids wake
It's in the care you take
It's in the way your partner looks at your child
and the way you see them parent
and try to be better each day






2017: what dad says about being a father

Banyak anak, banyak rejeki kata orang-orang. Ya rejeki anak.
Kalau ada seorang bapak yang tidak menafkahi anaknya, maka celakalah ia. Karena sebagian dari harta yang ia makan atau simpan, adalah harta anaknya.

Bersyukur. Yang banyak.

Jadi orang jangan terlalu pilih-pilih. Makan yang ada. Kerjakan yang ada. Enggak usah baru mau kerja kalau begini dan begitu. Inshaa Allah, kalau dimulai kerjaan yang enggak enak berujung dengan kerjaan yang lebih enak. Daripada menunggu dapat kerjaan enak.

Bekerjalah. Anak-anak harus melihat bagaimana orang tuanya bekerja.

2017: what dad says about husband & wifey

Chapter 1:
Enggak ada suami istri itu saling tanya "Lantas, mau kamu gimana?" dan mensyaratkan satu dengan lain untuk menjadi orang yang dikehendaki pasangannya. Saya rasa tidak begitu cara berumah tangga. Karena nanti, kalau sewaktu-waktu orang itu kembali kepada karakter dirinya, ya bisa ribut lagi dengan alasan "Kan dulu sudah ada perjanjian mau begini. Atau begitu. Tapi enggak kejadian."

Menurut saya, dengan saling sayang, semua ketidaksempurnaan akan tertutup. Nah, bagaimana memelihara sayang itu?
Dengan menjaga omongan. Jangan berkata yang kasar kepada istri atau suami.
Saling menghormati. Hargai setiap jerih upaya masing-masing dan hargai saat mau waktu sendiri. Karena di kantor mungkin sedang capek, mungkin sedang ada masalah, kadang tidak semua bisa dibicarakan saat itu juga kepada pasangan.
Ke tiga, ya disyukuri. Bersyukur dengan apa yang ada. Jangan cari yang enggak ada.

Chapter 2:
"Tidak semua perkataan perempuan / istri itu harus dimengerti. Cukup didengarkan saja. Karena namanya perempuan, kadang lompatan konteks pembicaraan itu terlalu cepat dan jauh; padahal kita (lelaki) masih mikir dengan apa yang baru saja dia katakan. Nah, kalau sudah lompat-lompat gitu ya didengarkan saja. Enggak perlu dimengerti isinya. Yang perlu dimengerti adalah, bahwa dia lagi butuh didengarkan."

2017: Tentang Tuhan

Nooooo! 
Get out, get out!
I want to get out!
Bunda, wake up! Do not sleep there, there's a snake!

Kata Luna, di suatu pagi buta, terbangun dari mimpinya.

There was a snake. 
It is small. It is bleeding. 

It is okay. Ada bunda dan bubu, jangan takut lagi. Seprainya sudah diangkat, sudah diganti enggak ada lagi ular dan darah. Lagian, itu mimpi bukan betul-betul kejadian.

Ada Bunda ya. 
Emang Bunda enggak takut ular?

And I was like hit by thunder.
Of course, I am sooooo afraid with snakes.
And Luna knows that.

Hmmm, aku takut juga sih sama ular. 
Nanti kalau ada lagi, kita pukul aja. Oke?

Luna thinks for a while.

Luna mau berdoa aja. 

I might have died being hit by thunder twice.
But her words are so ... thundering and englightening.
And I think it was the moment she learns about the Almighty.
The concept of God when she has no trust on power within and around her.

... and I learnt a lesson.

2017 tentang fungsi dan hati

Selama sekian tahun, weekend seringkali disisipi dengan reminder-reminder untuk menjadi normal dengan mandi. Pagi atau sore, atau salah satu diantaranya. Karena sewajarnya mandi itu dua kali sehari. 

"Sudah mandi belum?"
"Guys, mandi."
"Kok belum mandi?"
"Ya ampuuuuuuun pada belum mandiiiiii... mandi sana!"

Hingga, hari itu tiba. Hari yang wajar. Dimana setiap weekend tiba, tidak lagi menjadi weekend yang tidak normal karena dia dan mereka selalu mandi dan wangi tanpa disuruh. 

Lalu?

Iya, lalu apa kalau sudah mandi? 
Tidak lantas setelah mandi kemudian dihujani pujian-pujian surgawi, ternyata.
Tidak semerta-merta setelah mandi akan dipeluk dan dicium juga, ternyata.
Sudah mandi, ya sudah. Hening. 

Lalu, yang kemarin ribut-ribut suruh mandi itu untuk apa? 

Saat itu, saat dimana semua berjalan normal, weekend jadi enggak normal lagi. Karena enggak ada lagi suruh-suruhan mandi, suruh-suruhan makan, dan jadinya diem-diem aja. Dan seseorang baru saja terhenyak, bahwa selama ini sehari-hari komunikasi mereka hanyalah sebatas fungsi. 

Di tahun 2017 ini, dikasih kesempatan untuk belajar (lagi) memilih mana hal penting yang lebih penting dari semua hal. Belajar untuk bertanya ke diri sendiri soal 'then what if they do what I say?' sebelum meminta suami dan anak-anak melakukan sesuatu. 


Let's cut the crap from the question of Which Mom Are You?





A few years back, social media was being fussy about working mom versus stay at home home. What a nonsense brag! Since I went through both and also had a chance of being a working-from-home mom, it is even more ridiculous for me. Only stupid have a time discussing it and to elaborate on their social media status. Whoever we are, what kind of mom we are, what matters most is how we can make our life productive and progressing. Every single day.

Different mom has different ways of being productive. Some goes to work. Some clean up and cook for the family. Some works at home by selling stuffs online or being a freelancer. Productive means to produce something. Be it money, the foods, you name them all. But the question is, is productive enough? How about having a progressing life? Not as the wife of Mr. Blabla or as the mom of kid Zubidudamdam. But us, as a person. Me, as Wury; a 38 years old woman and how far I have made progress in  my life.

BUT. Let alone of being progressive, ... are we even productive?

This question stroke me a few weeks ago, when my preschooler rejected to school and said that she wants to be at home. "Like Bunda (mom) who is having endless holiday. I am not going to school"
I was sooo broken hearted. But then I learnt that her words should be a motor for me to keep moving. Ever since, I cook more. I bake more. I craft more and ... I learn more.

Being productive and progressing doesn't mean we need to do it all at the same time. We can start by being productive, and when we are tired, we can try to be more progressive by sharpening our soft skills. We can learn new things, meet new people for broader perspective or meet old friends for venting out. Or, we can register an online course.

There are so many online courses that is held by reputable universities in the whole wide world. I have tried some courses in Coursera and now I am taking one in EDX. Most courses are 10 weeks long and we can pursue the achievement certification or we can convert it to 1 semester credit (depends on the university). To me, EDX is more interesting because it is more interactive and the videos are not only from the scholars but also from the point of view of people, real managers and experts.  I am sure there are lots of more courses or activities we can choose for self-feed and you can share them to me.

From time to time; we, women, need to be able to empower ourself and I wish us good luck.




Berserah atau Menyerah?

  Qur'an Surat Maryam: 6 يَّرِثُنِيْ وَيَرِثُ مِنْ اٰلِ يَعْقُوْبَ وَاجْعَلْهُ رَبِّ رَضِيًّا  ۝٦ yaritsunî wa yaritsu min âli ya‘qûba w...