beingwullie

When i was a working mom, i missed a lot of things at home. I missed my kid's milestones. Their every firsts. I missed cooking foods their recipe I collected in my spare time in the office. I missed tugging kids to their nap. I missed decorating the house with references I-can-only-drool-on from websites, also in my spare time in the office. I missed them.  Now I am a home-stay mom. I missed a lot of things I used to have. I miss  my son welcome me with open arm when I got back from the office. I miss  my let's-get-this-done spirit. I miss my what-to-wear-today questions and what I miss most, is my long long long me-time, spare time, blogging and blog walking. I miss me.  Now I have to get used by not locking the door when I poop, just in case little boy wants to ask where his color pencils are. Or whether he may eat some candies. Now I have to get used by letting the house messy because many times, growth spurt stroke the baby girl and so I have to nurse him a

Percakapan malam ini, sambil masuk-masukin caramel ke botol, Titan nemenin sambil duduk dan nutup-nutupin botol. M : Titan, kalau bunda meninggal nanti kamu tinggal sama siapa? T  : ya sama nini sama aki M : tetap tinggal di rumah ini? T  : iya. kecuali kalau nini, aki, wa ary sudah enggak ada; baru deh titan tinggal di rumah eyang.       Bunda kalau meninggal, dikuburnya jangan jauh-jauh ya. M : kenapa? T  : nanti susah kalau mau doain. dikuburnya di belakang rumah aja, biar gampang M : ya masa di belakang rumah. lagian kalau mau ngedoain mah ngedoa aja, enggak perlu harus         selalu datang ke kuburan T  : ya kalau kangen, gitu And I think I am not ready for the day to come. I still want to be with my kids.  How I love them.  Help us all to say healthy, mind and body, dear God. 

We ran away from each other, wishing we would be able to remove ourselves from everything. To see if we could work out some things in our head. But it actually created more problems. I learned it does not work that way.  Just that if we cannot figure out our problems when we are together, we are probably not going to figure them out by running away from each other.  - for a dear friend of mine - 

When it's rain, rain rain rain  Baby when it's rain, rain rain rain  Dulu sering banget nyanyi bareng lagunya Mika yang satu ini, karena Titan juga suka. Sekarang, sejak Titan sudah punya selera pilihan musik sendiri; kita udah jarang nyanyi bareng lagi. Bahkan kalau aku nyanyi lagu-lagu favoritnya waktu dia toddler dulu, he completely forgot and asked me "lagu apa itu? sounds nice. Teach me!"  Oh, how time flies. Anyways, hari-hari terakhir ini Jakarta memang sedang diguyur hujan. Mungkin bukan diguyur, tapi di 'seblokin' ember-ember gede isi air hujan sehingga banjir dimana-mana. Hujan rintik-rintik semaleman bikin kita semua nyenyak tidur selimutan sampai pagi. Alhasil, berantem-berantem di pagi hari sama Titan jadi terasa lebih sering. Berhasil ngebangunin tidur bukan berarti kemenangan. Karena habis bangun dari kamar atas, pindah bobo ke sofa lima menit. Dibangunin, mampir lagi ke tempat tidur bawah for another five minutes. Matanya diolesin air dingin, b

Lagi seneng bobo di cribnya dedek.

"Bundaaaa... for you."  He said while coming into the bed room. "Lookin good, where did you get the vase?"  "I found it in the kitchen" I am grateful for having a little gentleman in the house, an addition after the senior: my husband. Not only this time, not only because he sees what hubby did to me with flowers, he did give me flowers since he was a little boy. Yes, he has always been my guy. Not only because we have the mother and son's bound, but there were times when all we got were just the two of us. me and malicca's father got separated when he was three, and he managed to protect me ever since. Being born as a real Taurian makes him a sensitive guy. So sensitive sometimes I get worried he will be a mushy boy. He knows when I am sad, when I get angry, and he always asks. "Are you sad? Am I being a bad boy?" "Are you crying? What happened?" "Are you angry?"  and when I really do angry (to him), I only say "

titik titik titik sampe bingung mau kasih judul apa saking banyaaak banget yang pengen ditulis. yang mana udah risain harusnya lebih banyak waktu untuk blogging. tapi ternyata rajin blogging itu karena memang gak banyak kerjaan di kantor sehingga punya 'me time' lebih banyak. ya kan ya kan ya kan? *senyum dikulum* di rumah justru adaaa aja yang dikerjain. waktu rasanya cepet banget berlalu. bangun tidur langsung siapin sarapan dan snacking buat kakak titan. anter titan sekolah, habis itu mandiin adek luna. boboin luna. selama luna bobo, pelan-pelan beresin rumah. luna bangun, biasanya sih taro di crib dan saya lanjutin beres-beres sambil naro cucian dan membiarkan mesin cuci meraung. kalau si adek nangis dikit, saya datengin trus tuker mainannya (skenario ini berulang selama beberapa kali) sampai akhirnya dia nangis beneran, baru deh diangkat tapi lalu ditaro lagi. nah, kalau sudah nangis frustasi baru deh saya ajak jalan-jalan :) sekarang ini jam 00:45 ... waktunya blog

percakapan malam ini sebelum bobok. T: nda, nanti kalau titan sudah besar gimana bajunya sudah enggak muat lagi B: ya beli yang baru, yang muat sama badannya titan T: tapi titan enggak punya uang B: inshaa allah, bunda beliin. i will take care of you T: tapi kalau titan mau kerja gimana? masa pake baju kecil?  B: oh, tenang. nanti bunda modalin deh buat hari pertama titan kerja. kemeja yang bagus, sepatu mengkilap, celana panjang, itu kalau titan kerja formal. atau nanti kita bisa juga pilih baju yang lain.  T: nanti kalau enggak muat gimana?  B: ya diukur dong T: titannya berarti harus ikut ya waktu bunda beli B: percaya deh, titan enggak ikut pun, bunda tahu ukuran badan titan.  another absurd convo and I did not know where the conversation was going. either he got worry about the future or simply delaying bed time routines. one thing for sure, Malicca. i will take care of you as long as i live.