beingwullie

I’m the mother earth. The only woman without vagina. I am the only mother with obligations to nurse children who aren’t mine. Not any of them even came out of my womb. I wipe their tears. I watch them play. I feed them. I did not even dare to shed a tear when they gouged me for slender feet of a carrousel. Deeply buried within me. For the children’s laughter to me is the most beautiful song I have ever heard. And all my life, what I want to taste is the kiss of the Rain King. Even only for a split second, I would give up my all to taste the suck of his lips. I would close my eyes, and would never mind to be blind if I have to. For my eyes will only tell the truth. I had never seen the king. I do not even know what he looks like. All I know is the moaning sound of the sky, when she and the king are making love. And from beneath, I can only see their sparks of lust. And at that time, I know that the king and sky become one. But not long after that, the king would cry. He would cry so ha

people say your heart will speak louder than the sea wave roars. why can't i hear mine at this moment?

air di bejana mendidih membeleguk di suhu seratus derajat selsius dan tetap berada di suhu tersebut, apapun yang terjadi itulah kemarahan. didihan dibiarkan, lalu uapnya terbang ke udara dan bejana pun mengering walau dengan jangka waktu yang lama itulah melupakan. air didihan dituang ke cangkir lebih cepat dingin, bejana pun lebih cepat mengering. itulah berbagi. dan bejana rusak dimakan api meninggalkan cacat yang lama kelamaan menjadi karat tapi perlahan, bejana bisa diperbaiki dan dibersihkan itulah memaafkan. -intermezo di sela 3 hari hibernasi-

seorang perempuan terlihat acak-acakan dia baru saja melaju kencang memacu kendaraan dengan semangat yang tak terpatahkan begitu kencang sampai kecelakaan tak lagi dapat terelakkan ia pun berhenti ia berada di titik nol. perempuan yang satu lagi terlihat kelelahan ia telah melalui perjalanan yang panjang dengan kemacetan yang begitu membosankan perjalanan masih belum selesai, namun dia terlalu lelah untuk melanjutkan ia pun berhenti ia berada di titik nol. perempuan yang lain begitu menikmati perjalanan yang menyenangkan dengan lagu dan angin sepoi-sepoi menyapu rambutnya yang panjang ia melaju santai, tak terasa angin dan lagu begitu lembut memabukkan ia pun tertidur di tengah jalan ia berhenti ia berada di titik nol. perempuan terakhir dalam kebingungan ia pernah melaju kencang ia pernah terperangkap di kemacetan ia pernah ketiduran ia berada di titik nol. entah ingin berhenti atau baru saja menepi atau sebenarnya, ia belum menyalakan mesinnya

pejamkan matamu, nak lalu kuelus lembut alis matamu dan kau pun menurut membiarkan tirai-tirai matamu bergelayut lalu dengar, dengarkan semua hingar bingar biarkan telingamu pergi jauh merantau, biarkan mereka meliar dengar, dengarkan rintik hujan yang meneduhkan dengarkan sang rembulan dengarkan bintang-bintang dengarkan embun malam di ujung dedaunan dengarkan katak dan jangkrik bernyanyi dengarkan dengung mesin-mesin tak bernyawa tapi bisa mati dengarkan detik waktu dengarkan pendar lampu dengarkan doaku dengarkan degup jantungku dan jauh, jauh di sana terus, terus hampiri ya, makin dekat sedikit lagi bisa kamu dengar, nak? degarlah, itu suara hatimu.

can you imagine living in denial? that you will not be able to sleep, to eat, to think, because of things that keep lingering at the back of your head. and your heart, of course. everything becomes wrong. totally wrong. you are wrong, people are wrong. and have you ever betrayed yourself? and do you have an idea of how it feels? that you would curse yourself and you will wish that you would rather die for you have no more reasons to live. that you could not even stare at your own eyes because they can see what you feel. and you would rather be blind, for you do not want to see the truth. have you ever been deaf, that you could not even hear what your heart tells you? and you start asking yourself what the hell are you doing in here and start asking what ifs. well, isn't it just nice if you can make peace with yourself? therefore you can make peace in this universe.

selamat malam, sampai kaku mulutku lelah ribuan kali menyebut dan bintang yang biasa kusematkan di matamu, kian meredup tak lagi pendarnya mampu menemani dan cerita-cerita yang biasa kubisikkan menumpuk acak-acakan tak berurutan ujung dan pangkal tirai antara kamu dan aku yang mendesah hangat seperti sinar mentari pagi membentang laksana jeda di antara dua galaksi dan putaran bulan mengitari bumi melintasi matahari, kini dan nanti perlahan menggumpal mewujudkan aku dan kamu dalam satuan waktu dan sinar itu pun melesat diantara kedip mata menyisakan sedikit rasa sayapmu yang dulunya kecil kini membentang siap menantang cukuplah aku mengajarimu tentang kebebasan, seperti kamu mengajariku apa arti pulang saatnya kamu pergi. temui aku lagi di sini

matahari sudah lama mati dan bintang yang biasanya ada di sana, hilang entah kemana aku memanggil cahaya yang menjawab di ujung purnama dan ia pun datang membawa keenam saudara kembarnya dua diantaranya memberiku harapan dua lagi mengajarkanku untuk memiliki keinginan dan dua terakhir, memintaku untuk melupakan apa yang dahulu telah mereka ajarkan selamat datang, ramadhan :)

selamat pagi, lalu kukembalikan ke langit bintang yang pendarnya menemanimu semalam dan kulipat cerita-cerita yang kubisikkan di mimpimu lalu kubuka tirai harimu agar hangatnya menjemputmu sampai nanti, temui aku lagi di sini

Every word is part of a picture. Every sentence is a picture. All you do, is let your imagination connect them together. If you have an imagination that is. - The Mighty -

after those couple cups of poisons nicely served upon your face now it is much easier for you to spit what you almost chew i wish you were dead i wish you were dead i wish you once again were dead so i could meet you in here let me show you it is our next life and you would lick my wound and you would wipe the dirt on the top of my corpse which no longer but a mere mortal and you would kiss me with your rottened lips that would taste sweeter like never and i would hug you with my broken wings lull you with an eerie fairy song and i would cut my hand with the sharpest tongue to fulfill your crave of flesh and blood until i'm running out of my light i wish you were dead. like me. and we would happily dance together under the sky of grieve and a sparkling tear drops you and me.

serpihan air itu datang lagi menderu wajahku, menghalau pikiranku kembali ke masa itu semasa aku kencing di celana hujan, ternyata masih sama.