Showing posts with label ariawan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ariawan. Show all posts

love is love. marriage is another thing.

of all the things I ever wondered, ... I think I never wonder whom my kids will be married to. or to picture myself holding grand babies. not just a not yet, I think it is simply too hard to bear and too absurd to think of. but then I promise myself. I promise I will not ever push titan and luna to get married or even if they are married; I will not ask them when to have kids.

many times I wondered that marriage is overrated. and the only reason to get married is not love, but to realise life is too hard to bear when you are all alone. because, however, marriage is a conditional love. hubby once said, marriage is not all fancy and glitter. the lowest it can get is, to keep functioning and it will survive. how both parties can be functional one to another, is another story.

to ariawan, a guy of mine,
the one who always wake me up from my princessy dreams. love you.

www.thestorygoeshere-blog.tumblr.com 


Month 2 Day 5

Ternyata, 
cuma butuh waktu 2 bulan 5 hari 
untuk bisa bikin mengumpat lagi ha ha ha! 

Dulu, saya sering banget mengumpat. Mulainya sih pas udah kerja aja, saat udah merasa cukup 'gede' untuk nunjukin kuasa. Sebenernya sih karena jadi terbiasa aja, karena teman-teman suka mengumpat jadilah suka ikut mengumpat. Apa aja yah kata-kata umpatan saya ...
Tae, ah!
Kampret!
Dammit!
Shit!
Bencong!

Ya, ... mayan banyak ya ternyata.

Kalau saya bisa ingat kapan mulai suka mengumpat, saya juga ingat kapan mulai menghentikan kebiasaan jelek itu. Gara-garanya, pas ketemu ariawan setelah dia pulang dari pergi jauh. Sampai akhirnya kita menikah, cuma dia yang selalu ingetin saya kalo swearing itu nggak baik dan dia nggak suka sama orang yang suka mengumpat. Kadang suka defense sih, bahwa umpatan-umpatan saya itu cuma ekspresi, bukan maksutan untuk menyumpahi. Bahkan bos-bos expat di kantor pun sering banget shat shit shat shit dan fak fuk fak fuk sama orang. Tapi terus dia cerita, seumur-umur dia kerja dan sekolah di sana-sini, belum pernah dia temui orang bule yang ngasal shat shit shat shit atau fak fuk fak fuk sama orang. Karena kata kata effin' itu udah tingkatan yang sangat tidak sopan, dan yang ngomong kata itu pun dipertimbangkan sebagai orang yang tidak berpendidikan.

Lah, terus? Apa cuma orang iklan aja ya, yang menganggap fak fuk shat shit itu biasa? Is it a trend, maybe? Biar dibilang kekinian? Atau biar dibilang orang bebas?

Yang jelas sih saya sempat berhenti mengumpat. Ndelalah kok ya cuma butuh waktu 2 bulan 5 hari untuk mengumpat lagi di depan suami gegara arloji saya pecah karena si mas yang mengganti baterai enggak bener kerjanya.

Bangke! Kata saya.
Pak suami langsung ngeliatin.

Oops!




Dream.

We need to have dreams.
You know,
something to keep us alive.
Something to look forward of what's in front.

They said.

Ever since, I kept wondering what my dreams are.
I kept looking.
I kept asking.

Until I saw you were dreaming that night
and said my name out loud.
I smiled.

I don't need a dream.
I am happy enough to live a life someone is dreaming about.

01:39 am


just went down the stairs to see him.
kinda miss my guy.
but of course, i have that big pride to say it *palm face*
and so i brought him a bowl of apple and warm toast with melted cheese inside.
i saw him sipped the ginger tea i made for him previously.
he has been working late.
much as always.

before our life now, i ever had a dream of us.
that we sat together on a couch.
me busy watching the telly and he got busy with his laptop.
as what is happening now.
i had those dreams (literally) a lot back then.
me and him.
as our path united, the dreams started to fade and becomes reality.
he was obviously the antidote.
he keeps my astral. he keeps me sane and throw away my anxiety when i sleep.

he is one of the passionate person i know.
he knows what he wants, full of determination but has a great faith of destiny.
when he fails, he just stops to start again.

he waited me for fourteen years.
the only thing if i ever have to repeat life, this is the thing i don't want to.
even if it is the last thing to do.
too much coincidence in fourteen years that we neglected.
too busy with the mind, we cannot read the signs.

but we are together now.
even though sometimes, this mushy feelings were killed by responsibilities.

maybe,
one day.







Diet? What diet?

Saat suami memutuskan untuk diet, maka itulah saatnya sang istri menderita kepusingan yang amat sangat. Pusing mikirin musti ngasih makan apa.

Lima tahun yang lalu beratnya bubu masih ideal. Hasil dari sepedaan naik turun bukit kalo kuliah ditambah kelupaan makan karena deadline tugas-tugas dan analisa riset yang ditagih mulu sama profesornya.
Sampe Jakarta, tingkat stres yang lebih besar dan kurang beraktivitas fisik bikin bubu melar abis-abisan. Belum lagi kalo ngantor naik ojek yang tinggal menclok. Beda dengan nyetir sendiri yang sebenernya masih memperkanankan adanya gerakan, mikir dan jalan dari parkiran ke tempat duduk di kantor. Tapi memang kondisi jalanan jakarta makin devilish aja setiap harinya.
Trus lagi, bubu punya kebiasaan enggak bisa lihat makanan sisa. Katanya sih dulunya hidup susah, jadi kasian kalau liat makanan dibuang-buang. Akhirnya dimakanlah itu makanan kalau titan, luna dan aku enggak habis.

And so the story goes, menggelembunglah badannya. Dua puluh kilo lebih dicapai dalam empat tahun. Hingga beberapa hari kemarin, dia mengeluh badannya mulai enggak enak dan sering pusing. Akhirnya dia memutuskan mau merubah pola makan.

Jeng-jeng! This is it. Dulu-dulu saya yang paksa dia untuk makan yang baik. Tapi kalau dia menggelendut seperti sekarang ini ya sebenernya salah saya juga ya. Kan saya yang sediain makannya. Dan juga cemilan-cemilan di rumah. Dan juga ramen-ramen instan itu yang Masya Allah enaknya apalagi kalo dimakan tengah malam. Plus soda-soda yang tersembunyi di lemari supaya enggak dilihat anak-anak, tapi siap dikonsumsi bubu - bundanya hahahahaha. Culas.

Akhirnya mulailah saya googling. Sempet tanya-tanya temen juga yang punya catering diet mayo. Sempet tanya nutrisi-nutrisi macam Moment dan Herbal Life. Googling diet berdasarkan tipe darah. Wah, tapi ternyata saya malah jadi mendapatkan berita-berita yang justru bertolak belakang. Disinyalir diet mayo itu sebenarnya bogus atau termasuk dalam kategori hoax. Karena ternyata Mayo Clinic enggak pernah mengeluarkan statement resep diet tersebut karena mereka percaya kesehatan bukan cuma dilihat dari pola makan.
Kalau minum suplemen, kayanya bubu bukan tipe yang mau makan suplemen-suplemen aneh-aneh gitu. Dia orangnya termasuk yang hati-hati kalau minum obat. Lagi pusing atau flu aja belum tentu dia mau minum obat, apalagi suplemen diet? A big NO NO lah kayanya.
Diet berdasarkan golongan darah? Nah, ternyata setelah baca-baca literatur, golongan darah O itu ribet banget dietnya. Saya yang skip lah kalo ini. Trus gimana dong?

Akhirnya saya teringat nama erikar lebang dengan food combiningnya. Sebenernya udah lama juga sih denger-denger soal food combining ini. Dan setelah baca-baca, ternyata food combining memang bukan jenis pola makan baru. Dietnya Rasulullah juga sebenernya model-model begini (katanya) hihihihi.
Akhirnya aku kumpulin tuh alasan-alasan kenapa memilih food combining. Karena bubu tuh bukan tipe orang yang suka diet, tapi makanan tanpa rasa pun pasti susah dia telan. Kasian kalau musti diet tersiksa. Saat aku mengajukan proposal, tak disangka tak dinyana dia menjawab "Aku nunut waeeeeee, Nda!" Hahahaha ... tau gitu kasih buah aja pagi-siang-malam.

Tanpa persiapan gimana-gimana, akhirnya dimulailah program diet itu keesokan harinya. Karena inti food combining cuma ini:




Alhamdulillah banget punya suami yang mangap aja dikasih apaan aja. Hari pertama sarapan aku kasih jus buah yang rasanya masih enak. Makan siang dan malam sih biasa sesuai bagan di atas. Cuma untuk malam hari, selalu ditutup lagi dengan jus. Di hari ke dua, mulai jahil masukin sedikit oats. Seret. Iya bu, ini air putihnya kalau seret. Hari ke tiga, mulai disisipin sayur mentah di jusnya. Kok hijau? Iya, kecemplung pok choi tadi. Tapi tetep ditelen dengan sukses.

Rupanya bubu udah bener-bener niat nurunin berat badan, nurut aja sama apa yang dikasih istrinya dan tanya-tanya kalau ada makanan godaan di kantor.

"Nda, boleh makan cakwe nggak?"
"Sebenernya sih enggak. Tapi kasian kamu. Boleh deh, tapi satu aja. Peres minyaknya."

"Nda, Jumat kan ada catering. Menunya lodeh, ayam goreng sama nasi. Yang enggak boleh dimakan yang mana?"
"Terserah maunya nasi + lodeh atau lodeh + ayam?"
"Yah ternyata sayurnya ada udang dan tahunya"
"Tahunya boleh, udangnya jangan. Protein hewan kan buat malam aja. Kaya singa bu, abis mamam daging trus bobo."
"Oke Oke"

Hahahahaha apapun dietnya emang paling bener drive dari diri sendiri, ya. Alhamdulillah memasuki hari ke empat dari berat 79 kg tadi pagi beratnya bubu udah 76 kg. Mukanya seneng banget.

"Bu, enak gak sarapan makan buah doang?"
"Gak enak, mending gak usah sarapan aja"
"Tapi nanti makan siangnya nggragas."
"Iya juga sih"
"Lagian enggak boleh, menyalahi siklus tubuh."
"Aku nunut wae lah, Ndaaaaaa"

Hahahahaha ... oh iya, buat yang mau tau tentang si food combining itu bisa google aja webnya erikar lebang, ya.

About Us

to titan and la luna.

i want to tell you a little story about the love bubu and I have. neither the sweetest nor the coolest love tale you will ever known, but i hope it can give you two a little up when you are feeling down.

if ever someone asked me, your mom, how much i love your bubu; i would say ... i do. though i found it hard to express my love for him, but i do. though i found it hard to remember when i have thought of him, but i still do. and i know he loves me too.

our love does not come in a form of fancy dinner or having a wefie in instagram. our love does not go through a journey in the background of a beautiful landscape. our love does not told in a long scripted messages through whatsapp or a bombastic 'nocturnal' activity. neither a fancy birthday gifts, surprise parties, big feasts, "have a nice day or lunch or dinner or meeting" texts.

our love just come in a more humble and reachable way. like late-at-night-wake-ups to bring a glass of water when I or him caught a cough. comes in an always-alert sleeping and woken up just to feel one of us is moving though it was just a little bit. comes in an acceptance of the surround snores. comes in a lunch box he brings to work everyday and eats whatever inside. comes in a working so hard he hardly cut his nails and I did it for him when he was asleep.

boring as it may sound, but if you two ever experience this feelings; you two will know how comforting it is. though sometimes i think bubu does not need a wife. he cooks, he plants, he repairs, he builds, he works, he can take care of himself, and these make me learn a lot from him.

when you know you are loved by someone who can enjoy life by himself, you know you can live with him and love life together. 



A Little Note

Let me take you to one of my emotional post.

Never at once; someone who got married with the reason of building life together, wanted a divorce. But who knows things that would came up along the marriage? A divorce is the last thing someone would do. Not because they are not strong enough. It is because they are tired to wake up on the same day everyday. Maybe, it is because they urge the need of moving on their life.

And so I did.

The best thing of the worst things happened was, we decided it together. We got to the court together. We wrote the testimony together, consulted every lines to each other and made sure they are accepted by both parties.

What we started well must end well.

And here comes the saddest part, our son. God knows the regrets we had, and still having, for what he has been through.  We did mistakes for our marriage, we cannot do mistake to our son.  If anyone would ever asked how me and my ex could still meet each other nicely and peacefully, the answer will only be one: it is because the love for our son is so great. Even greater than the love we have for ourselves that we need to lower down our ego, to be stronger to keep catering the past to the present.

And as everyone wanted, our life moves on. But the past can never be forgotten, can never be erased. For now our past have merged together with the present. I am blessed for having a husband who is open minded to accept my ex to come over to our house for a Fridate with our son. To find someone who loves you and wanted to marry you might be hard. But I can tell you, finding someone who wanted to marry you and love not only you but also the ones you love, is way harder. And I am blessed once again for finding one.

I remember the letter my son wrote for his step father on father's day last year.
"Terima kasih Bubu, sudah kasih tahu Titan kalau Titan salah. Terima Kasih. Happy Bubu's day"

:')

Today, I found he wrote another letter. Not for me or his bubu, it was for his cousin. But he showed me and he made me smile.  He wrote about what he likes, what makes him feel bored, what the weird things happening, and most important is how he live a happy life and live a happy family.

Our life might not perfect, Malicca. But your happiness is what I can always promise you that I will try my best. Let's be happy with our limitations. Let's make peace with ourselves and all the things or people we ever hate.

7 y.o big brother lulled her 1,5 y.o little sister while mom was driving.

The little note.

What I always witness before bed time. 



...

I am blessed.
Thank you God, for giving such kind and wonderful people in my life.
Having them makes me think that no such little hatred deserves a space in my brain.


You

i hardly remember the last time i watch your face when you sleep.
trace the wrinkles,
count your eye lashes,
watching you breathing hard as hard as the days you have had.

but i am doing it now
and everything flashes back.

it is amazing how my brain remembers the every-little-things in fourteen years.

the alarm beeps.
and your eyes opened up.

"hello" i said.

thisclose.






Berserah atau Menyerah?

  Qur'an Surat Maryam: 6 يَّرِثُنِيْ وَيَرِثُ مِنْ اٰلِ يَعْقُوْبَ وَاجْعَلْهُ رَبِّ رَضِيًّا  ۝٦ yaritsunî wa yaritsu min âli ya‘qûba w...