Hello,
Saturday. It’s been a while since I last wrote you under the warm sunlight,
upon the greeneries of my backyard. This is a silent Saturday, I must say. Not
in a good sense, not in a bad sense as well. It is just the way it is.
My
32th year of circling the sun’s journey will end soon, it got me think that whoever mentioned that we cannot live the life like how we always want is brilliant and honest. Because it is true. In contrary, the more
I don’t want to live the particular life is the more my life heading to. In that
sense, I should stop expecting and judging and start living life with the
eyes of a child.
Another
thing I picked up is, that it is so hard to wish someone to change as hard as how
hard to change our self is. Sometimes, even though people are different but
they keep giving the same effect to us. Is it a good sense? Is it a bad sense?
Well, it is not about good or bad, it is just the way it is.
If
we die one day and by then we would have learnt our life thoroughly, maybe we would
get all the conclusion that life is a cycle that goes over and over without even we realized it is actually a pattern. A pattern that if only we have realized it we would not need to find all answers, because they were all there. Without even realizing it as
well, we are actually the eyes of the storms that spread the exact amount of
gravity to make people give you the same result no matter who they are.
Maybe, lyfe is just like
a music playlist. It is a podcast with shuffle and repeat mode.
Hari ini aku berada di rumah. Padahal, tidak
biasanya aku berada di rumah. Biasanya aku pergi ke kantor meninggalkan buah
hatiku di rumah. Tampaknya, berada di rumah masih menjadi hal yang mewah
untukku dan ternyata aku masih belum bisa menebusnya. Masih mimpi.
Giliran
aku berkesempatan ada di rumah, seperti hari ini, adalah ketika aku terpaksa
harus berada di rumah. Kali ini karena sakit. Sedih sekali rasanya. Saat kesempatan
itu ada, namun aku tidak memiliki tenaga untuk bisa berfungsi sebagaimana
seharusnya. Tidak bisa menggendong satelitku karena lemas. Tidak bisa bermain
karena terlalu lama berdiri pun aku sakit kepala.
Cucian piring bertumpuk sebanyak tumpukan
dedaunan di halaman. Mataku sepat melihatnya. Tapi apa daya tenaga terbatas.
Ingin makan ini ingin makan itu, tapi berdiri menunggu jerangan air pun rasanya
lemas.
Sedih. Akhirnya aku tertidur menelan pusing. Mengusung
mimpi yang masih terkungkung.
Anak.
Aha! Bunda ada di rumah hari ini. Aku senang
sekali, tralala trilili… gembira hati ini. Biasanya bundaku pergi ke kantor. Akhir
bulan, dia membawa uang untuk sekolahku, untuk susuku, untuk mainan-mainanku,
dan untuk pupur dan gincu-gincunya. Tapi hari ini Bunda ada di rumah,
asyiiiiiik!
Oh, aki membisikkan sesuatu ke telingaku.
Katanya Bunda sakit. Tapi aneh, tidak ada luka di tubuhnya. Sakit apa memangnya
Bunda? Tampaknya ia masih bisa berjalan, masih bisa bicara, masih bisa
bernyanyi walau suaranya pelan. Ah, Bunda tidak sakit ah. Mumpung Bunda ada di
rumah, aku ingin bermain dengannya. Ingin dimasakkan spaghetti kesukaan dan
pancake bertabur gula. Aku ingin dimandikan, aku ingin semua-mua dengannya,
mumpung Bunda ada di rumah. Karena besok-besok, ia akan pergi ke kantor lagi. Tapi lagi-lagi aku ingat, kata aki bunda
sakit. Aku harus hati-hati, aku tidak boleh ini itu untuk sementara waktu.
Sedih. Akhirnya aku pun tertidur di
sampingnya sambil mengesampingkan keinginanku.
More than complaining about how you missed the midnight sale,
or the iPhone 4s ridiculous price in Indonesia, or Jakarta’s traffic, or your
meeting journey the whole day, or pencitraan on twitter, or your failed diet,
lifestyle coffee and gym, or more than thinking of how to escape routines and
problems.
I used to write love letter to you, everyday. Maybe because
that was all I could do. Then imagined the existence of you. If I
lucky, I would met you in my dream or had a slight vision of you.
Now, there are so many things I can do with you. And I miss
writing you again.
But how can I write?
Letter H becomes a 'hug', U becomes 'us' and letter G becomes 'giggles'
that can’t stop bursting from your lips.
What is with falling down.
Can you avoid?
Or the question should be:
Should you avoid?
Why didn’t you let the wind tore you apart
Why didn’t you let your out loud scream choked you
Why didn’t you let yourself lost your senses
and let the hamster in your brain runs backward; giving you sceneries of the darkest nights
Isn’t nice to follow the gravity?
Isn’t it nice to think nothing but the deeper ground?
Crash. Crushed. Cursed.
Die.
Dust.
Naught.
It’s what you were, until you start over.
when you feel someone you love is hurting you, these might be the reasons why.
that they don't know what they're doing
or
they are doing things what they thought they have to do.
and someday, you would do the same thing too. can be to them or to other people you love. having said that, knowing all reasons might help us to understand. therefore, to forgive.
I am not english native, but I try to introduce english to my son. Today, January 24th 2012, I heard his first line on the age of 4 years and 8 months: "Malicca tummy is full."
Amazing how kid's brain connect things, including a sentence.
Apa arti empat belas tahun? Dalam bentuk apapun, empat belas tahun tidaklah tergolong tua dan dewasa. Tapi tetap, sebuah waktu yang lama.
Jika ia menjelma menjadi sebuah pohon, batangnya tentu tidak terlalu besar untuk menahan badai. Tapi ia telah menemukan bentuknya dengan cabang-cabang utama yang menjulang ke atas dan ke samping mencari cahaya. Batang-batangnya lentur namun kokoh menopang bocah-bocah berayun. Dedaunannya menghijau. Kalau beruntung, ia telah berhasil menghasilkan dua atau tiga panenan. Untuknya, usia empat belas tahun mungkin belumlah apa-apa.
Lain lagi dengan anak ABG umur segituan. Lagi bau-baunya, lagi centil-centilnya, lagi pengen tau urusan orang dan kadang hal yang seharusnya belum tahu pun bisa jadi tahu. Baru mulai tumbuh bulu-bulu halus atau tonjolan-tonjolan di bagian tertentu. Usia labil tapi pengen eksis. Pengen eksis, tapi tertutup semua-mua dikasih password. Masa-masa ‘hayu ajah!’ Diajak nonton, hayu. Diajak bolos, hayu. Diajak nonton bokep, … apaan tuh? Hayu’ lah! Masa-masa yang bikin kangen karena saking bebasnya.
Bagaimana jika ia terjelma dalam sebuah botol anggur merah. Terdistilasi selama empat belas tahun. Matang. Dengan rasa manis dan sedikit pahit, paduan simfoni rasa yang siap hinggap di ujung-ujung syaraf indera pengecap. Merahnya menua. Tidak memabukkan, tapi mungkin akan membawamu pelan-pelan ke sebuah alam yang lembut lalu perlahan matamu pun menutup.
Bagaimana jika ia hadir dalam sebongkah awan? Dari sejak empat belas tahun lalu hingga sekarang warnanya tetap sama. Tetap lembut. Tetap menghiasi latar langit yang kerap kali sendiri. Yang tetap lucu dan tak tersentuh. Yang telah milyaran kali berubah bentuk dan berlari berarak-arak mengelilingi matahari. Awan yang selama empat belas tahun telah menjadi saksi bisu apa yang terjadi di bawah dan di atasnya.
Dalam empat belas ribu kilometer, ia adalah asteroid yang hampir mengenai bumi dan itulah jarak terdekat planet tempatku berdiri dengan sebuah benda langit.
Aku, memilih kamulah empat belas tahunku. Yang pernah hilang, terlupakan, terabaikan, namun akhirnya kembali. Pun serpihan yang hilang terserak dimana-mana dalam perjalanan empat belas tahunmu, jadi tak ada artinya dengan hadirmu hari ini.
Little did I know about having a child (or more), is that the more they grow up the more hard-working the parent needs to be.
When I was pregnant and hoped to give birth soon. After I gave birth, I got cranky I needed to breastfeed anytime anywhere. I complained I needed to wake up 4 or 5 times in the middle of the night. I hoped he would start weaning soon. After he reached 6 months and started eating solid foods, I got cranky for I needed to prepare his meal in three different menus for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Not to forget, some snacks. After that, I hoped he would walk soon. After he walked, I started cranky because I was too tired to catch him. And I hoped he would go to school soon. After he reached the school age, I started to wonder why there are so many more I had to do. I needed to wake up way earlier, prepare his lunch box, prepare his school projects and performances, birthdays, class party, parent-teacher meetings and much much more.
There. There I wondered, why did I wish everything to move faster? Life was so much simpler when he was in my womb. He listened to me, he ate what I ate without complain, he never say no. On the breastfeeding era, wasn’t my life was way simpler as well? I didn’t need to cook, let alone of thinking what menu. Everything he needs is here, on my chest. Every time he gets hungry all I needed to do was unbutton my clothes and there, he would find his heaven in a heartbeat. By the time he was sleepy, he could sleep in my arms for he weighted no more than 10 kilos and I could just bring him anywhere I go.
Imagine when he becomes ABG and smelly, college student and rebellious, wants to work as something people never knew before but doesn’t know what it is. Imagine the time when he is able to do everything I fuss about today. The time he would be able to overcome what I am worrying now and there will be so much more to worry about.
Then I asked my self, again, why couldn’t I just enjoy the now moment? Now is way simpler than the future.
Hwell well ... year of 2011 was the most tiring year I ever been through. It was the year of lost and found. The loss taught me how to survive, the found taught me how to learn myself again and to believe there was always hope. Somehow the lost and found made me stronger now. 2011 was also the year of getting back home, the year of fixing up domestic matters literally and tidied up my emotion to their respective shelves. That was why, for some, I was hard to find. Because I folded in my wings and put my priorities only to closest people who kept me stronger. 2011 that was, ... the year of hitting the lowest point yet gave me the highest bounce so far. I loved it.
There are some highlights I want to share, yet I see it as a learning not regret. On marriage After some rocky era I finally decided to let go of it. It was sad however, to realize both of us were in love when we were young but then grew apart when we grew up. I tried, my best, but it is always takes two to tango. We could not save the marriage but we tried to save what was left from it: our son.
Our love for Malicca and our commitment as parents, those were the things that made this separation was not as ugly as people thought it was. Set aside talked about love, we tried to give each other some space to take part in Malicca's parenting. It was hard, I tell you. However ego played a big role in here. But for Malicca's good, we both tried to lower our ego down and still trying.
Nobody asked me whether I still believe in marriage or not. But to tell you the truth, I still do. To add with, off all what happened, I am grateful I was open-minded enough (even before I got married) to think that separation though it is rare but normal to happen. Because like my mom said, everything in this world has their expiry date so we should enjoy while they last.
Strangely, I also found some similar stories amongst my friends that reminded me what my friend Haekal once said: "People like us always find each other." Now I fully understood what he meant. Us in here doesn't always mean me and him, but "us" as in we will always find a way to survive by meeting others who are on the same page who were somehow, gave me the support system I needed. I also feel lucky for I got the support from people around me including my new office management who let me skipped several working days to attend the trials or many times, when Malicca got sick. I am a lucky girl. On Malicca I always thought he was my satellite, but I think he was not. In contrary, he has always been the planet and I am his satellite, for his gravity has always been the one that keeps me survive and stays in orbital. I don’t know what would my life be without my him. He has stronger magnet that pulls me back on track every time I slipped. Malicca I used to hold in my arms, actually had been the Life Guru I learned a lot from. How he became a little man and with his own ways, he took care of and protected me. He held my hand when we walked; he told me not to worry for he was there with me, he was alert when anything goes wrong in the house, he was (and will always be) my strength and the reason why I am standing still up to this moment.
On you Nothing more I could say to you than thank you, yes you. I thank you for keep trying harder for me, Malicca and us. I hope you find your happiness too in us :)
On family and friend Little did I know on 2011 was that I would be a single fighter, literally. To take care of the house with no maid, to experience Malicca’s first time schooler, to work on the paperworks and dealt with bureaucracies, to be a bread winner, to be a mother and father, to be the wife and husband at the same time. There were times when Malicca sick a lot and I needed to always standby at night and I needed to keep strong when Emergency Room became casual. There were times when I thought I had to be able to be everything. Times when I pushed myself more to fix things but unfortunately; the more I push myself the more the damage I then made.
Luckily, there were friends around me who never stop loving me. Though I was a bit folding in my wings, they'd never get frustrated to remind me that they were there for me to talk to, to get me through this phase, to find me another job so I could save more for the future, not forgetting the late-at-night phone calls or buzz when I was down.
There were also my family who understood when to ask me or when to stop. My dad who has always been my guardian angel and told me to be always brave for I am not alone, my mother who has always been my invisible spine, my son who has always been that little spark in the dark that glows my path and you who has always been invisible but your love was so real. I don't know what life I would encounter without you all.
On domestic matters I am a domestic person. I rarely go out if I don't have any purposes. It broke my heart to see the house I was in to was also the house that was long forgotten and abandoned. Cold and quiet it was. Then with the help from my father, mom and bubu, we tried to enliven the house again. We continued the delayed projects, we built a swing and tree house for Malicca, we planted more plants, we redecorated, we started to dine and camping in the back yard, me back to cook, my life slowly returned.
On new things I knew I was very out of date this year, but somehow I experienced so many new things. I took Malicca to his first day of school and it was my first time as well to take a kid to school, to get acquaintance with his teacher and other parents. My first time ride on Ojek to office, my first time watching Malicca’s first school performance and I cried, also my first time getting a hand-made card on Mother's day.
On achievements No, I did not win any advertising awards this year. But I am very proud, on my darkest moment I was still able to do investment and finally able to enroll Malicca to the school I had been dreaming of :) To add with, I managed to create another two blogs. Yeay!
Two thousand and eleven and I was thirty two years old and I got through so much and I am glad and grateful for them. I don't really have any resolution for 2012 ... but only one, will try to enjoy the now moment without worrying too much the next one.
Today
is December 1st 2011, the day when a parent got very sad because of
their daughter was cancelled to enter the Elementary School because of a stupid
reason: he is the daughter of an HIV+ father. But
me, I cannot believe myself what I am holding now: an acceptance letter of
Malicca joining a school.
To
tell you the truth, I fell in love with the philosophy of the school from the
first time I came to its Open House. I think it was when Malicca was about two
years old. Being pessimistic about its tuition, and so I thought getting to the
school can only be a dream. But
like people say, don’t ever underestimate the power of dream. And from what I
am holding now, yet I still think it is a dream. Is it coming true? Is it what
is best for my son? After all these years of looking, is it the best one I have
been looking for? Is this it? Is it the one? Up
to this moment, I still do not know the answer whether it is the best school
for my son, or not.
Then
Bubu asked me whether I am sure my parent knew what was the best for me? I got
silent for a few minutes. I said I do not know, then he continued. “No
parents in this world know what is best for their children. All they can do is
do the best.” He said.
Then
Bubu told me about what his late father had said to him, that every school is
good only if the kid loves learning there. And a parent’s responsibility is to
find the school that our kids love. No matter how hard or how many schools he
needs to get in. “So,
no matter how much you have paid for the school; if he doesn’t like it;
promised yourself that you will keep looking for what he likes. Never. Ever.
Think. About. How. Much. Money. You. Have. Spent.” Bubu underlined.
Maybe
he is right. No, I think he is right. This school might not be the best of all,
but it is the best I can do for now.
Kejadian ini terjadi saat aku lagi anterin Titan ke sekolah naik ojek pagi ini. Tiba-tiba dia tanya:
T: Nda, UFO itu ada knalpotnya nggak? Me: Ada (being sok tau) T: Dimananya? Di bawahnya kan pintu masuk. Di samping-sampingnya, gitu? Kecil-kecil di sekeliling UFO-nya? Me: Hmm... nanti bunda cari tahu dulu deh T: Nanti kalau udah tahu, telfon Titan ya Nda! Me: hmmm (mikir)
A few hours later, I called him from the office.
Me: Titan, aku belum nemu knalpot UFO-nya niy... jadi belum bisa jawab. T: Nggak papa, nanti kalau udah ada telfon lagi ya. Me: Iya, bunda cari terus lagi yah. T: Iya. Dadaaaaah
Oh, ... how empathetic a 4 years old son can be? I said to myself. And this is what I love about having kids, little people to grow with. They give reasons to catch up with things I'd never thought I need to know.
After a few hours of Googling and you tube-ing, I finally found that UFO is predicted to have exhaust pipe although it is not like the one we know. Yes, it was not literally mentioned but we can see it from the TR-3B diagram.
Once upon a time, there was a little boy. He had deep hazel eyes, tanned skin and feet as skinny as a bean stalk. He was an orphan and was very lonely. His best friends were the golden grass in the savanna. The forest ferns, the morning dew, the smell of rain when they touch the soil, the chirping birds, the bright blue sky and blinking stars, the marching ants and caterpillars, and other beautiful creatures around him. When the morning came, he woke up and greeted those wonderful things. He walked slowly and chanted beautiful prayers to them.
One day, it was raining and it washed away the colours of his surroundings. The green leaves, the shocking pink flower, the soil, the black tarantula, even his own skin had became dull. What was happening? The boy wondered. Not long after that, the rain stopped and the sun came out. He came out of his shelter and looked up the sky. ...he saw a colourful painting in the sky he had never seen before.
It was a rainbow.
He mesmerised of its beautiful colours. It was as colourful as the sun's flare that reflected in the surface of the morning dew he saw every day. And so the boy wondered, how was it to get the rainbow far in the sky. "Even if I grow bigger and taller, I would not be able to get the rainbow. And I am not a fairy who is born with a pair of silky wings!" the boy mumbled.
Days and nights became the never-ending ponder of how to get the rainbow. One day, the boy got broken. He gave up. He cried desperately. He cried loud. ... Tears bursted out of his hazel eyes like a river. He did not stop crying until he suddenly realised that he was now standing in a pond. He was all surrounded by his own tears that became a pond.
Not finished by his amazement, he realised something. The rainbow he had wished for, was now in front of him. It laid on the surface of the pond and he could see the rainbow closer and even touched it. The boy was so extremely happy! Every time he moved, he made ripples. And every time the ripples touched a surface, the surface became colourful too. The boy did not feel lonely anymore, because now he could play with the rainbow all day. And when the night came, the pond became a starry pond he could also touch.
This is a magical pond, he said to himself. A pond that was made of his own tears that brings happiness on the other day.
"Dulu, dulu sekali. Langit begitu terang benderang dengan kemilau bintang. Semua saling beradu jauh melemparkan cahayanya. Tidak, mereka tidak akan membutakanmu. Cahaya mereka begitu terang, namun juga begitu lembut. Cahaya gemintang itu akan terbias di bola mata mereka yang kamu sayang saat kamu memandangnya.
Di langit yang dulunya terang itulah duduk seorang peri di ujung biduk rembulan dengan cahayanya yang temaram. Sendirian dan kedinginan, ia memandang ke kejauhan. Di belakangnya, menggantunglah lentera-lentera langit malam yang biasa kamu sebut bintang. Dan peri dengan sayap kecil inilah yang menjaga agar lentera-lentera itu agar senantiasa bercahaya. Sayap kecilnya telah mengantarnya menjelajah angkasa selama jutaan tahun lamanya. Ia berkelana mencari bintang-bintang yang mulai temaram. Dan jari-jarinya yang mungil akan menggosok permukaan setiap bintang supaya kembali bercahaya. Dan ia akan mengecupnya, supaya apinya kembali terang. Seperti dulu.
Tiba – tiba sebuah lentera yang menggantung di atas peri itu bergetar hebat. Tanpa ragu-ragu, peri itu segera mengambil ancang-ancang dan siap terbang. Dibungkukannya tubuhnya dan kaki kirinya yang mungil pun maju, bersiap mengambil langkah seribu. Dan … hop! Ia pun terbang. Tapi telat. Lentera yang bergetar hebat itu terlanjur jatuh. Meninggalkan buntut panjang yang berwarna keperakan dan melintas di kegelapan. Dan peri itu hanya menatap diam.
Setiap anak manusia menangis, gugurlah satu bintang di angkasa. Karenanya, hilanglah satu cahaya yang menerangi wajah sang peri. Hanya kamu yang bisa mengembalikan kilau mereka. Melalui tawa dan hangatnya pelukmu."
First of all, I am not an education expert. This writing is based on experience and mostly, assumptions. I am not a lifetime learner I want to have double or triple degree after my name. I believe I
don't have enough space in my brain to commit myself for another long-term
study. My neurons died long ago. This writing is a piece from a mother who is still looking for best alternatives for his son's education.
Here the story goes.
I have a son who is going to
enter his early education program in the near future. He is four now. Based
on some literatures I read, age of 5 is the ideal age to get formal
education. So... yeah, I basically have another 6 months before he
reaches the age of 5 but I practically have lesser than 4 months to
decide which school he'll be joining.
I don't know, much, about education and its system in
this country. But I do know exactly what I don't want. That is, I don't
want my son to get stressed about his school things. I don't want my son
to be like me, grew up in favorite public schools ended up asking what
kind of values I have learned at school and why did I have to learn so
many useless subjects.
That is why, from Titan was 2, I
kept looking for alternative solutions. Alternative education. And up
to this moment, my mind sticks to a school that offers me different thing compare to other schools. I fell in love with this school since the first time I came to its open house long ago. I think, still it is the best of the rest but it doesn't mean I stop looking for alternatives.
Unfortunately, alternative education in
Indonesia is expensive by all means. Although not every expensive
schools are good in quality.
I
actually believe in home-schooling, and my son loves to learn at home as
well and he actually asked for it. Even though I love teaching, but the
idea home-schooling is still an odd idea to be applied in Indonesia.
Like other unpredictable factor in this country, education has never had
a fixed system as well. Hence, I kinda reluctant for the home-schooling
thingy. To add with, I still have to be a full-time worker so it is
impossible for me to teach my son at home. Why bother home-schooling if I
need to pay a home-schooling teacher, may as well my son goes to
regular school.
My search of better education varied from islamic school,
catholic school, reputable public school and some private schools that
is not based on religion. But then I got this thought that I want my son
to grow in a neutral environment and let the religion be part of his
daily practical life. Not as rituals or dogma he needs to do only
because the teacher will give him bad marks when he fails. To add with,
Islamic school has so many 'ujian praktek' which actually ... annoying.
Public
school? Sorry, but I don't believe the system, specially its early
education system. They are pushing their students too much but not
providing sufficient teachers. National curriculum but taught by
indonesian-english teachers who have awful grammars. So many
uncorrelated subjects. Development is judged my grades. Unhealthy
competition.
So, here comes the last choice ... national
plus schools and their toppings. Those bla plus bla plus bla plus that makes me
dizzy and when I am dizzy things get even more complicated specially for
my wallet. Aha!
I only want a school that can make the student love to
learn. I only want a school that will dig the inner potential of a
child. Have I asked too much?
Well, ... yeah ... I know
... I realized that the simpler the checklists are; the harder it gets.
Is someone out there can help me finding out more alternatives?
Without having much to say,
being single means having a simpler life. Happier? It’s another thing. Happiness
is somewhere hiding on which angle we want to see. Hence, happiness is relative.
But simpler life as a single is an absolute.
Being single has every
meaning of having much time to think about our self. To decide and responsible
for your self. To broaden or shrink life options on your own hand. The era when
the world evolves around us. The self centered phase to glorify the ‘me time’
moment.
If you are a single now and
life is complicated enough for you, maybe you should take a detour of your
life. Having someone with an expectation he / she will to help you tosimplify
your life; is obviously and definitely not the answer.
Afraid to be alone? Well,
some of us do. But why do you have to feel alone when you have yourself? You
have your dreams, you have things you love to do, you have your feet to bring
you anywhere you possibly go, you have your mind to take you further. Remember,
as long as you have a smart phone and an ear phone, you are not completely
alone though :p
Feeling lonely? Well, … to be
honest; it is not the feeling only a single can feel. No one can deny that nothing greater can cure
but a companion. But do you know the great mistake? Is when you are committed
to someone yet you feel alone still.
Even though marriage could be
one of the major stepping stones in your life, being single could be nice as well.
Being single and in love, …
is even nicer.
Being committed and always in love, I can say it is perfect.
Lately, I have been hearing some friends of mine (and to be
honest, including me) are busy asking their friends and (of course) asking
themselves, whether they are going to stay in advertising industry for (at
least) another five years. While some others have started to grow their own
business, we are still trying to figure out what we would do in our old days.
Still we haven’t figured out yet, let alone of making the first step.
If I were asked why I jumped in to advertising, all I can
say is … it’s a coincidence. I always want to major psychology, but one day on
a lovely day, I read a poster about this newly opened major in University of
Indonesia: Advertising, and I found some interesting subjects in it. So, I
stripped down my choices in majoring psychology in Atma Jaya and let go my
privilege in joining Mandarin literary in University of Indonesia and jumped
myself in to the advertising subjects.
The question itself, leads to another question: why is it
copywriter? Well, first was and still it is, because I cannot draw. Secondly, I was curious why on earth they named it Coca-Cola. Pretty
absurd, but that was why I decided to become a copywriter. But the last, which is the most important of all, is because I simply love writing and 'bebikinan' as a concept. So, it is nice to work something you love about rite, though in the process still I need to compromise. Unless I am writing my own book and have it published my own, I will have still to compromise.
Filling in my career for about ten years, I had never
thought I have jumped in to the wrong industry. I like doing my work, I am well
paid, I managed myself to produce some works that were able to win some local awards that made me hijacked to some blue chip
advertising affiliations in Indonesia, I pictured my final career will be a Creative Director
or a Strategic Planner in my mid thirties.
But you know what, ... that was me not so long ago. Now, things are different.
I actually feel funny to realize some part of me has been
shifting into another direction. I realized that I don’t want to be a Creative
Director and I just want to keep creating. Is it to create advertising awards and inspiring campaign for a brand, or create my own business or write my own book, that’s another story. But I don’t want to be deeply involved in
giant organization, play the management game and have the responsibility to
nurture young creatives and bring the brand to another level.
I had never pictured myself to leave the comfort zone of
getting fixed income every month, health insurance and bonuses (If I am lucky), but now ... I do.
I had never pictured myself I would be happier if I stay at
home and do the chores. I had never imagined I would be happy to feel the wind
blow the curtain and I would just lying down on the clean, squeaky floor
and happily looking at the ceiling and thinking what menu for dinner. But now, I do.
I don't know whether I will leave capitalist company and start my own business soon, or I will stay and climb this organizational ladder. This is the first time in my life when keep changing is not bad at all, because it is not about being inconsistent. This, is about setting up short term objectives and no plan B. Everything is a main plan. Keep changing means adjusting for better days and being realistic when things are not fit in well. One thing for sure is, that I am still trying to remind myself as well. That by being realistic my life would be much simpler. The dream part? Let it be my son's.
