A new habit

I have this new habit every time I dropped off Malicca to school, or picked him up.
I watched him play with his friends, which is a luxury thing I had never experienced before.
Seeing how he interacts with his friends, his problem solving, when he leads, basically his social skill which is very important specially when he is working later on.

Have a nice day, son!

Confession of a now working mother then a full-time housewife

Whether it is a syndrome or not, I do not know. 


Today is my third week being a full-time house wife, yet my verdict on my first week has not change. That being a full-time house wife requires more than 24 hours a day because they are so much things to do. Thus, made me a little bit 'jet-lag' in the first place. I might still am.


Do you know what I had in mind before I decided to quit my job?I wanted to be a full-time mother and have a simpler life. I wanted to go freelancing and work anyway and whenever I like.  It turns out that things are not as easy as I thought they were. 


Now I realize that by being a full-time working mother, I had a so much simpler life. Every time I woke up in the morning, I already know what I had to do. Like a machine (in a positive sense), I had time slots for everything I had to do and controlled them. I dropped my kid to school, went to the office, worked, had lunch, had meetings and went back home. I cannot deny they were  numerous 'me-time' timing in between the slots therefore I could tweet, I could read a book, I could browse, I could stop-by to a near store and bought (many times) unimportant stuffs, I even had more time to update my blog.


Why simpler? because I saw what I saw, and what I saw was me.


I made menus for Titan's lunch and handed over to the caregiver at home (which was my mom) and there went off one of my worries that day. I dropped my kid to school and handed over to the teacher. Once again, there poof one of my obligations that day. Unless I had a call from my son or regarding my son or parents, I assumed everything was okay and continued my life that day and drowned with piles of jobs and colleagues and personal plans for the day. When I got home, the timing was not enough if I demanded everyone to pack every details in the form of 'The story of the day' and we all chose to have a little chat or light games or watched movie and we went to sleep. A discussion required for serious matters, and nothing was so serious unless it had to do with health, career or big family members. 


I knew I only had 24 hours. When the time slots filled and  today's checklists were checked, I gained the peacefulness of the day. 


Now,  I see everything what I left behind if I went to work back then. In details. But I cannot see them with professional point of view like how I used to see things at work.  


I see my son's face expression if he has to go to school. I see his face when I pick him up. I see dust on the top of the table and bread crumbs on the carpet. I see my elderly. I see the fading out paint on the wall. I see the dirty laundry. I think of menus to cook. I see my piles of to-be-read books. I see teary eyes of my son's because of his school friends. I see the weed wildly grows in the back yard. I see the pets need food and drink. 


I hardly see me. I see many things to do and many things I can do, and I know 24 hours is not enough. 


Back to my hypothesis of having a simpler life by becoming a full-time house wife, yet I get the antithesis. 


How can you expect emotion will be simpler than your professionalism? And life, is never simpler when you see other things compare to when you see yourself (and this thought leads me to another question - why we often see our self in the most delicate way - But I will not talk about this on this post). 


Anyways, to me, being a full-time working mother or being a full-time house wife; no one is better than the others. It is just a choice you can make, just like any other choices in your life. I

My weekdays after advertising life, so far. 

Welcome definitely maybe!

“Leaving your comfort zone is not easy and it is only for the bravery.” For me, those who support them to leave the comfort zone, is even braver.”

Setelah hampir 12 tahun bekerja di dunia korporat periklanan, finally… yes I finally resigned and decided to be a freelance copywriter instead. Sebenarnya kepinginnya sih udah sejak dua tahun lalu ya. Tapi karena beribu dan lain hal termasuk ketidakberanian diri ini untuk memasuki lembah ketidakpastian finansial, akhirnya tertunda-tunda. Tapi kali ini, I made up my mind.

Aneh sebenarnya saat aku mengambil keputusan ini. Unlikely what I always did, to make plans, kali ini aku ambil keputusan tanpa punya long term plan akan apa yang akan aku lakukan setelah kehidupan bekerja full time. Yang aku tahu saat itu adalah, aku sebaiknya berhenti dulu bekerja.

Sebenarnya, keputusan ini juga enggak yakin-yakin banget waktu memutuskannya. Tentu faktor utamanya adalah kemandirian finansial. Ya iyalah ya, udah lebih dari satu dekade terbiasa  menerima uang gaji. Terbiasa punya plan dan merasa aman karena tahu saat uang habis, pundi akan terisi kembali. But in the freelancing world, everything is uncertain. That is the part that worried me much. Secara ya bo, buat perempuan yang penting itu kan kepastian. Kepastian tuh cowok sayang sama kita atau enggak. Kepastian bakal dikawinin apa enggak (aih, curcol deh ah hahaha), yang pasti sih kepastian supaya bisa manage expectation. Karena kuciwa itu aduh ampuuuuun… berat sekali rasanya.

Untungnya, aku didukung penuh akan keputusanku ini. Dan menurutku, itulah bagian terpenting saat kita mau ambil langkah penting dalam hidup. Sebenernya bukan hanya keberanian dari diri, tapi juga dukungan. Dan orang yang mendukung, buat aku jauh lebih berani daripada orang yang didukung.

Banyak yang tanya sama aku “So, whats the push button?” Hmmm, sebenarnya karena niatan itu sudah ada di dalam diri sejak lama. Cuma butuh pemantik untuk menyulut. Dan pemantik itu adalah satelitku (oh so very typical ya hehehe…) But trust me, it was not as easy as you thought. Segala sesuatu yang klise itu emang jatuhnya lebih sulit buat yang ngalamin dan lebih sederhana bagi yang melihatnya.

Triggernya adalah karena Titan entah kenapa enggak suka dengan sekolahnya. Akibatnya, dia jadi enggak suka sekolah dan enggak suka yang namanya belajar. Udah gitu, makannya juga makin susah sampe akhirnya berat badannya enggak nambah-nambah. Beberapa waktu terakhir ini aku coba untuk ngajak belajar terutama baca dan berhitung. Ndelalahnya, apa yang aku ajarin justru lebih masuk dan dia lebih suka belajar sama bundanya ini ketimbang belajar di sekolah. Trus kadang di weekend pun kita masak bareng dan ternyata dia lebih lahap kalau makanannya disiapin bareng-bareng. Dari situ aku berpikir bahwa mungkin anak ini bukannya enggak suka belajar dan enggak suka makan, tapi memang enggak banyak orang yang memahami cara dia belajar dan makan.

Selain itu, ada juga sih hal-hal yang bikin tekadku makin bulat untuk berhenti dari dunia korporat. Tapi rahasia dong aaaaaah J

One thing for sure, I pre-conditioned myself that I will not be a jobless housewife. I am a work from home mother. I will have working hours and I have to create something within the hours, be it freelancing jobs or writing.

So yes, this is my last day working in a corporate advertising and I am sad yet happy yet anxious yet overwhelm… it is a Berty Bott’s three flavor taste candy. What would happen next? I do not know. What if I fail? What if I not. Will I be back to corporate life someday? Maybe. Will I be happier? Maybe. Uh oh, ... just wish me luck!

Common Sense

Sekarang ini, kita mungkin lebih tau gimana cara install iPhone pertama kali. Lebih ngerti langkah-langkah untuk nge-jailbreak. Lebih pengen ngulik gimana caranya bikin website sendiri dengan semua Content Managementnya. Lebih tau account twitter siapa yang bisa kasih link bagus atau update tentang pergadgetan, info selebs, komunitas tertentu atau bahkan soal financial planning dan hukum.

Thanks to technology, we now know so many many things happening in this world.

Tapi coba deh, dirasa-rasa lagi. Karena begitu banyaknya ‘ilmu’ atau sebenernya itu adalah bentuk informasi, seringkali kita malah jadi lupa sama hal-hal basic atau yang biasa disebut common sense. Dan ternyata, common sense yang sering kita lupain itu justru kita perluin untuk kehidupan sehari-hari.

Misalnya, waktu kita ke dokter. Kita tau lah ya, enggak semua dokter itu bagus.  Dan kita juga tau, enggak semua dokter itu komunikatif; bisa dan mau ngejelasin sedetil-detilnya tentang penyakit kita. Kadang-kadang kita nurut aja kalo dikasih obat. Atau bahkan percaya-percaya aja ketika kita divonis satu penyakit dan salah satu tindakan yang harus kita lakukan adalah operasi.

Sebenernya, untuk jadi pasien kritis dan pinter salah satunya bisa dengan kembali ke common sense yang udah dibekali sama guru-guru kita dulu melalui pelajaran-pelajaran yang mereka ajarin.

Misalnya, virus itu enggak bisa mati dan enggak bisa diobatin sama antibiotik. Antibiotik cuma bisa ngebunuh bakteri. Terus misalnya lagi dengan mengenal berbagai sistem di dalam tubuh kita. Ada sistem pernafasan, ada sistem pencernaan, ada sistem reproduksi, yang semuanya bekerja dengan sistem masing-masing untuk menyokong kehidupan kita. Jadi, kalau misalnya dokter bilang ada infeksi di mata trus yang harus dioperasi adalah bagian pencernaan, yang mana letak dan fungsinya agak berjauhan, kita bisa mempertanyakan lagi ke dokternya gimana kemungkinan itu bisa terjadi.

Misalnya lagi, common sense soal listrik yang merambat paling cepat melalui air. Itulah kenapa kita harus menjaga supaya ujung colokan itu tetap kering.

Misalnya lagi, kimia asam + kimia basa itu = netral. Jadi kalau misalnya masakan keaseman ya tinggal dikasih garam untuk mengurangi rasa asemnya. Begitu juga sebaliknya. Atau saat asam lambung tinggi, ya jangan ditambah makan yang asem-asem. Minum susu juga enggak akan membantu karena susu lama-lama jadi asam di perut (inget aja yogurt) dan malah bikin perut makin melilit.

Misalnya lagi, kalo ngitung keramik lantai ya berdasarkan luas (panjang dikali lebar) dan kalau ngitung cat rumah ya berdasarkan keliling (2 kali panjang + 2 kali lebar). Boong aja kalo ada abang-abang yang ngitung keramiknya pake itungan keliling.

Masih banyak banget sebenernya hal-hal mendasar ilmu pengetahuan yang simple tapi sifatnya absolut, yang kita sering lupa, tapi sebenernya itu yang bisa jadi bekal supaya kita lebih waspada. Sering banget (termasuk gue) kita ngeles “Tapi gue anak IPS!” hahahaha… coba inget-inget lagi, semua itu kita pelajari waktu SD, lho! Jauh sebelum kita memilih (atau takdir memilihkan) kita masuk jurusan IPA atau IPS :)

Patio

Beside bath room and the corner of our living room, our patio is another part of our house that I love. This empty spacious backyard was nothing until someone enlivened it. It is private, it is green, it is fresh and shady thanks to our mango tree. 


This is the place where we have breakfast most often. But what I love the most is, it always ignites good conversation every time we are sitting here.


Always.

Surprise, surprise!

Bukan, bukan. Ini bukan acara Surprise Surprise yang dulu pernah digelar sebuah TV swasta di Indonesia. Tapi rasanya, ... somewhat like it lah :)

So yes, this is our first ride with Mr. Golfie setelah beberapa bulan dia mendekam di garasi. Bukan karena kenapa-kenapa, ya memang kebetulan karena dia ditaro di deretan paling dalam, jadi kita suka agak malas aja makenya. Ditambah lagi, ... dia itu cepet haus. Kurang cocok sama iklim Jakarta yang panas dan macet gini :D

So yes, Titan seneng banget kita mau jalan-jalan ke rumah Andra naik Mr. Golfie. Dia minta buka sun roofnya lah, inilah, itulah, sayang kemudian dia tertidur di tengah perjalanan.

Ada bagusnya juga sih Titan bobo, karena enggak lama setelah bertolak dari rumah, tiba-tiba aku mencium bau hangus tapi kita enggak nemu darimana datangnya. Tapi Bubu memutuskan untuk terus berjalan, dengan mematikan AC. Kebayang deh kalau Titan enggak tidur, pasti protesnya ngalah-ngalahin kepanikan dan panasnya suasana hari itu. Di dahinya, terlihat keringat menetes tes tes karena panasnya. Tapi Titan tetap asyik terlelap. Perjalanan pun terus dilakukan, ... walau terus terang aku jadi sedikit tegang. Bubu juga sih, tapi kayanya dia berusaha untuk tetap t.e.n.a.n.g walaupun aku tahu dia pasti kebat kebit jugaaaaaaaaaa!

Rumahnya Andra itu di daerah Rawamangun. Tepat di depan Orion Plaza, tiba-tiba kita melihat ada sedikit asap putih mulai mengepul memasuki kabin mobil. Asap itu berasal dari sela-sela konsol tengah mobil. O'o, ... dari sedikit panik aku pun mulai panik dan minta Bubu segera menepi. Tapi, ... nekad banget Bubu terus melaju dengan santai karena memang rumahnya Andra a.k.a Bude Santi cuma beberapa kilometer lagi. Tinggal putar balik, belok kiri, belok kiri lagi ... sampe deh!

Dan akhirnya, kita sampai dengan selamat. Sore itu.

Tak lama kemudian, Pakde Iin pun datang. Lalu segera bersama Bubu dan Pakde Indra, mereka semua bongkar mobil. Titan juga ikutan, sih. Dari suaranya yang paling kecil itu, dia teriak-teriak kasih tahu bundanya bahwa yang bermasalah adalah gusi mobil. "Busi, Titan. Bukan gusi." Kata Bubu.

Akhirnya, Bubu dan para Pakde yakin semuanya baik-baik saja dan mobil bisa kita kendarai pulang ke rumah. Sekitar jam sembilan, akhirnya kita pamitan lalu pulang.

Di perjalanan pulang, Titan tidak tidur seperti saat kita berangkat. Jadinya agak-agak bawel gitu deh kenapa ACnya enggak nyala. Untungnya, bisa dikasih sedikit pengertian. Sementara dia asyik dengan suasana langit malam karena sunroof dibuka, mataku tertuju ke arah dashboard dimana navigasi berada. Semuanya aman. Temperatur tetap di angka 90, tidak lagi terlihat adanya asap dari celah-celah dan mobil tetap bisa melaju. Walau kadang lampu peringatan 'Service Now' menyala, tapi kata Bubu itu bukan masalah.

Tiba-tiba, saat kita sedang melaju di jalan Proklamasi, Bubu pun panik dan segera menepi. Aku ingat, kalau lampu yang satu itu sudah menyala, kita hanya punya waktu satu menit untuk segera menepi. Dan menepilah kita, tepat di ujung pertigaan dan sempat membuat orang-orang sedikit kesal. Well, maaf yah mas... darurat nih, plis deh.

Mesin mati and that's it. Nothing we can do, but just waited for help. Bubu segera menelfon Pakde In, dan Pakde In pun segera meluncur ke lokasi dimana kita berada. Titan, anehnya, sama sekali enggak panik. Mungkin karena dia sudah beberapa kali mengalami mobil mogok sebelumnya sama aki dan eyangnya hehehehe. Kalau aku? Nah, ... perempuan yang satu ini memang sangat tidak familiar dengan mobil mogok hihihihi. Bubunya? Ah, dia juga familiar pasti ... cuma malas kalau harus mengalaminya (lagi dan lagi!) hihihihi....

Akhirnya, Bubu menyuruh aku dan Titan untuk pulang duluan naik taksi, sementara menunggu Pakde In. Sampai di rumah, belum aku selesai menerima uang kembalian dari supir taksi, Titan udah lari melesat ke dalam. Alasannya? Mau cerita sama aki mobil VW-nya mogok (-_-")

Bubu pun pulang jam 2 dini hari, tepat seperti perkiraannya. Akhirnya Mr. Golfie pun dikembalikan ke sangkarnya di daerah Pluit. Yang kasihan ya Bubu, karena tidurnya jadi sedikit sementara besok sudah harus kembali bekerja.

So much surprise as the life itself. But as long as we are together, all can pass.

I have been writing this blog since 2004. Through everything I wrote here start from poems, essays, short stories and sometimes a simple line of quotations, they reflected how I live my life, how I think, and inevitably reflected things or people  I loved and enlivened me.

Day by day that went by, they brought me to this day. Just like the sun that always rises in the east. Just like getting to the office to finish yesterday's requests. Just like predictable traffic in Jakarta. Life, apparently, is pretty much a cycle that brings you sometimes up or sometimes down. Many times I feel that what I am feeling now, I have experienced it before. If one or two things keep looping and keep coming to our life, maybe it is a matter of time until we can crack it.

Today,  is a new day, but today feels like happening in the past. Like it is happening when I was younger. Then  I woke up. Then I felt the beaming light on my window pane. I feel secured, I have my now and then. 

Sang Penjaga

"Aku sudah memaafkanmu."Kata perempuan itu. Dan saat itu juga, sebuah pintu entah dari mana datangnya tiba-tiba menganga. Lalu menyemburlah bias-bias cahaya yang mendesing beribu sumpah serapah kepada laki-laki di seberang perempuan itu.

Malam itu begitu gelap. Tidak terdengar apa-apa selain derap suara kaki kuda yang sayup-sayup terdengar di kejauhan, namun tidak pernah terlihat wujudnya. Jalan di depan begitu sempit dan tertutup dengan pasir serta rerumputan kering yang merunduk seolah tergilas oleh kereta-kereta kuda yang tak pernah terlihat itu. Setiap kita menghembus nafas, asap kabut mengepul seolah malam itu begitu dingin. Kadang aku menggigil, tapi karena takut. Kutemukan diriku berkeringat, bukan karena langkahku yang menderu; tapi karena dadaku yang berdentam begitu kencang.

Pernahkah kamu mendengar tentang penjaga perempuan? Bukan, bukan perempuan penjaga. Perempuan penjaga, yang aku tahu, begitu cantik rupanya. Ia menjaga setiap insan di dunia. Dialah ibunda, dialah perempuan penjaga.

Sementara penjaga perempuan, tak terperi rupanya. Kamu tidak akan pernah bisa menduga seperti apa rupa penjagamu karena mereka berbeda-beda, tergantung siapa yang mereka jaga. Dialah bentuk terburuk sekaligus terkuat.

Ya, mereka menjaga setiap perempuan yang berdiri di muka bumi.

Dulunya, mereka adalah doa-doa. Mereka melayang-layang dengan lembut di udara. Seperti ubur-ubur lembut di tengah samudra, berenang-renang kesana kemari tak tentu arah. Menunggu. Kadang mereka menggelitik siapapun yang tak sengaja bersentuhan dengannya. Lalu, saat seorang ibu mengejan untuk mengeluarkan setiap bayi bayi dari rahimnya, leher mereka seperti tercekik. Lalu mereka terenggut dan ikut terlahir bersama bayi-bayi tersebut. Hanya saja, dengan bentuk yang jauh berbeda.

Dulunya, mereka juga adalah penjaga laki-laki. Mereka mengajarkan laki-laki bagaimana untuk menjadi berani dan mengajarkan bagaimana menjaga ibu dan semua perempuan-perempuan yang berdiri di muka bumi. Sayang, mereka lalu terbunuh oleh mimpi. Mimpi-mimpi kotor penuh   mani yang menggelontor dan menyebabkan mereka tenggelam. Sejak saat itu, laki-laki ditakdirkan untuk menjaga dirinya sendiri. Ya, sendiri.

Sebagian dari mereka tetap menjaga perempuan. Setiap rasa sakit yang dialami oleh perempuan adalah doa yang membuat mereka semakin kuat. Dan setiap menstruasi, penjaga-penjaga perempuan itu seperti terlahir kembali. Mereka tak pernah mati, dan setia melindungi sang perempuan hingga mereka mati.

Tiba-tiba derap kaki kuda itu mendekat ke telinga. Begitu dekat hingga aku menyadari bahwa itu bukan suara derap kaki. Tapi penggal nafas yang terasa panas dan sayup-sayup terdengar ribuan mulut membisikkan sebuah kata berkali-kali, lagi dan lagi.

"Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati. Mati...."

Aku teringat sesaat sebelum aku berada di sini. Aku menangis karena sakit. Aku menangis karena cinta. Dan aku menangis karena aku berhasil memaafkan laki-laki yang berdiri di hadapanku.

Aku memaafkannya, tapi tidak dengan penjaga-penjagaku. Dan saat itulah pintu lorong tiba-tiba terbuka dan membawaku kemari, tempat dimana aku harus berperang dengan penjagaku sendiri.

Photo by Annie Leibovitz

To punish or not to punish

“Is it important to make someone feel punished?
Or is it more important for them to solve the mistake he or she has done?”


For kids, doing mistake is a very common thing. Spill over milk, played with your favorite bubble bath, treated your perfume like a room freshener, or simply disobeyed you. Many more things I don’t need to describe, I guess. Yeah, … those things that stood you up :)

For us, their parent, sometimes those were not only mistakes. Those were also things that stood us up. Many times, they were the reasons why we gave punishment to our kids. Reasons why we gave them Time Outs, grounded them for no chocolate or candies, to stay in their room or no TV. I hope none of us ever hit our kids just because.

I was included on those who gave Time Outs to my son, even though I tried to be democratic by letting him pick the spot.

But then I learned that giving Time Outs (or maybe any other form of punishments) was useless. They did not bring my child to higher level in learning life. I found that he did the Time Out just because I said so, not because he knew or understood that he deserved a punishment. Therefore he kept doing the mistake and a Time Out was no longer frightened him. Not only that. The most important is that giving a punishment did not solve the problem.

Then I started to think, “Is it important to make someone feel punished? Or is it more important for them to solve the mistake he or she has done?”

Ever since, I no longer gave my son Time Outs. I started introduced him the logical consequences, of every thing he has done. Good acts, bad acts, every decision we made, everything in life has consequences. Voila, it works better than giving him Time Outs. He learnt his mistakes.

When he became sloppy and spilled his drink, he would take a tissue and wipe it off.

When he bumped his head, he would take the medicated oil himself.

When he refused to eat and kept playing, and his tummy got upset then he got ‘masuk angin’ and couldn’t stop vomiting, he knew he would need to take care all the mess.  And he did.

When he did not finish his meal or milk, I told him to never ask for meals / milk for the rest of his life and he should had been grateful of every meals I served him. He (finally) did finish his meals and at the next occasion, he carefully asked for the perfect portion he could finish.

Punishment won’t bring us anywhere, and maybe that is why this country is going nowhere. I hope I can make a little difference for the future, through my kids.

This writing also published here

To punish or not to punish

“How important is it to make someone feel punished?
Or is it more important for them to solve the mistake he or she has done?"

For kids, doing mistake is a very common thing. Spill over milk, played with your favorite bubble bath, treated your perfume like a room freshener, or simply disobeyed you. Many more things I don’t need to describe, I guess. Yeah, … those things that stood you up :)

For us, their parent, sometimes those were not only mistakes. Those were also things that stood us up. Many times, they were the reasons why we gave punishment to our kids. Reasons why we gave them Time Outs, grounded them for no chocolate or candies, to stay in their room or no TV. I hope none of us ever hit our kids just because.

I was included on those who gave Time Outs to my son, even though I tried to be democratic by letting him pick the spot.

But then I learned that giving Time Outs (or maybe any other form of punishments) was useless. They did not bring my child to higher level in learning life. I found that he did the Time Out just because I said so, not because he knew or understood that he deserved a punishment. Therefore he kept doing the mistake and a Time Out was no longer frightened him. Not only that. The most important is that giving a punishment did not solve the problem.

Then I started to think, “Is it important to make someone feel punished? Or is it more important for them to solve the mistake he or she has done?”

Ever since, I no longer gave my son Time Outs. I started introduced him the logical consequences, of every thing he has done. Good acts, bad acts, every decision we made, everything in life has consequences.

Voila, it works better than giving him Time Outs. He learnt his mistakes.

When he became sloppy and spilled his drink, he would take a tissue and wipe it off.

When I warned him to stop jumping around and he ended up bumped his head, he would take the medicated oil himself.

When he accidentally hurt someone, he would ask for an apology PLUS "What should I do to make you feel better" question. Yes, I taught him that because I know saying sorry (many times) do not solve anything.  But there are always things we can do to make people feel better.

When he refused to eat and kept playing, and his tummy got upset then he got ‘masuk angin’ and couldn’t stop vomiting, he knew he would need to take care all the mess.  And he did.

When he did not finish his meal or milk, I told him to never ask for meals / milk for the rest of his life and he should had been grateful of every meals I served him. He (finally) did finish his meals and at the next occasion, he carefully asked for the perfect portion he could finish.

Punishment won’t bring us anywhere, and maybe that is why this country is going nowhere. I hope I can make a little difference for the future, by teaching my kids to be responsible of all things he has done.

... me lately.

Going lacey...

Loving flowers...

Craving for cute stuffs....

... and cook sometimes.

Going lacey, loving flowers, craving for cute dining or tea set and cook sometimes.
O, what is happening to me? :)

From the heart

I have been running this motherhood blog for about eight months, but never I wrote about myself. Since today is pretty breezy, work is not really piling up and I am quite in the mood,  ... I think its a good day to start sharing you of who I am.

I am the mother of Malicca Titan, a boy who just hit 5 yesterday. I am basically an ordinary mother who is trying to be extra ordinary. But then I know, being a capable mother is way harder than being extraordinaire. I don't have any particular role model of parenting style. I just ask a lot, browse a lot, discuss alot and confirming alot. In the end, I take all the good parts that is suitable and doable for me and my son.

My concept in parenting is simple: I want my son to know what he wants and be responsible of his decision. Having said that, my task as a parent should be simple too. That is to  give him as much choices as I can so he can scan all possibilities, think all the good and bad, rank the priorities, decide and take the consequences. Sounds simple though, but trust me... it is not :)

I am a single parent. I juggle between working in an advertising agency and home. I am the custodian but I never close or limit his father's access to him. And for a custodian, it is important for me to keep earning. Not only money, but also to earn more time to be with my child. So, ... since I split up with my former husband; it is a bit hard to hang out with my friends because I have to make time for my son. Some people think that I have been an outcast and pulling my self out of the world since the divorce. Or get traumatized.

The truth is, I am not. I get on my life; it is just things are not the same anymore. For the first time, being a single parent is like you accidentally lost one of your leg but you have to keep running maintaining the same speed to get the targetted destination you already set when you were having two legs. I was imbalance for the first couple of months, physically and emotionally, thank God I have the best support system that kept me on track.

I tried a few times to hang out with some friends after office hours, but it felt like my mind wasn't there because I kept thinking of my son at home. Then I already sleepy at ten (maybe because I put Malicca sleep at 9 and most of the times i got slept too). Then I got myself easily lost on the conversation and I would feel awkward even more. So, now I prefer to go straight home after office. Cook dinner or snacks together and watch Disney Junior with my satellite. Living in this digital world, having a chat with my friends are pretty handy through whatsapp, messenger or twitter. I am sure if they are my truly friends (and they really are), they will understand if I cannot join them for brewing coffee.

I live in Jakarta, the capital city of Indonesia. To some people, this is the city of dreams. But not for me. Jakarta's air is highly polluted, the traffic is very bad and we don't have any public open space for my son to play. The museums are not really well-maintained and there are so little entertainment except malls. For education, Indonesia doesn't have a good and credible standard. We have so many educational system but there are only few we can trust. To add with, education has being part of capitalism in this country, specially in this city. 

But I don't stop there. I keep trying to give better options for my son, because I know complaining won't bring us anywhere. For me, having children is like a second chance for me. Like being reborn to make a better person, to create a better world for us we live in, through my son. How? Teaching by examples, for sure.   

I still remember the days when I tried to conceive. I still remember the day I knew I was pregnant. I still remember the day when I delivered Malicca. But I hardly remember those sleepless nights having a baby or when he was sick. Now my satellite is five. When a baby was born, I was also reborn as a mother.

Thank you for making me stronger. Happy 5th birthday, son!

Malicca mau lima

Dulu, suka gemes sendiri kalo denger cerita tentang seorang anak yang masih aja nyusahin orang tuanya. Beranggapan bahwa hubungan darah orang tua - anak bisa menjadi sangat netral dan objektif, nggak jarang aku suka berkomentar anak-anak yang menyusahkan orang tua tidak perlu dibela oleh orang tuanya itu sendiri.

Tapi sekarang, aku kena tulahnya. Bukan karena Titan nyusahin, tapi lebih ke essens bahwa yang namanya orang tua memang tidak akan pernah bisa melewati edisi tergila-gila anaknya sendiri. Bagaimanapun, yang namanya orang tua ke anak teteeeeeeeeeup aja deh pastinya ngebelain dan mengagumi (walaupun terkadang dengan cara mereka sendiri yang kita tidak tahu).

Dalam waktu kurang dari 8 jam, Titan akan genap berusia 5 tahun. Oh waw... another milestone nih. Masuk TK besar, masuk tahapan yang katanya anak mulai jarang sakit dan tahapan yang katanya tingkah polahnya bakal nyebelin dan memberontak. Untuk yang pertama dan kedua, mari kita amini ajah. Yang ke tiga? Ah, itu mah tergantung anaknya juga. Ada yang manis ya tetep aja manis, ada yang nakal ya emang mungkin dulunya nakal. Etapi ... ya nggak tau ya, semoga Titan tetap jadi anak manis dan tetap bisa diajak ngobrol.

Enggak terasa, udah lima tahun aja. Dan nampaknya edisi tergila-gila anak sendiri ini masih akan terus berlangsung. Masih akan terus foto-fotoin dia, masih akan terus menulis tentang dia dan celotehnya yang... ampuuuuun deh, perasaan dulu gue umur segitu enggak gitu-gitu amat kalo ngejawab :)

Lima tahun, dan anak itu sudah mengalami banyak hal. Semoga diantara semua itu, dia sungguhlah tahu bahwa bundanya yang nyeleneh ini tidak pernah berhenti berpikir dan berbuat apapun caranya supaya dia bahagia. Supaya dia sehat wal afiat dan bisa mendapatkan pendidikan yang terbaik nantinya.

Amin.

Malicca mau lima

Dulu, suka gemes sendiri kalo denger cerita tentang seorang anak yang masih aja nyusahin orang tuanya. Beranggapan bahwa hubungan darah orang tua - anak bisa menjadi sangat netral dan objektif, nggak jarang aku suka berkomentar anak-anak yang menyusahkan orang tua tidak perlu dibela oleh orang tuanya itu sendiri.

Tapi sekarang, aku kena tulahnya. Bukan karena Titan nyusahin, tapi lebih ke essens bahwa yang namanya orang tua memang tidak akan pernah bisa melewati edisi tergila-gila anaknya sendiri. Bagaimanapun, yang namanya orang tua ke anak teteeeeeeeeeup aja deh pastinya ngebelain dan mengagumi (walaupun terkadang dengan cara mereka sendiri yang kita tidak tahu).

Dalam waktu kurang dari 8 jam, Titan akan genap berusia 5 tahun. Oh waw... another milestone nih. Masuk TK besar, masuk tahapan yang katanya anak mulai jarang sakit dan tahapan yang katanya tingkah polahnya bakal nyebelin dan memberontak. Untuk yang pertama dan kedua, mari kita amini ajah. Yang ke tiga? Ah, itu mah tergantung anaknya juga. Ada yang manis ya tetep aja manis, ada yang nakal ya emang mungkin dulunya nakal. Etapi ... ya nggak tau ya, semoga Titan tetap jadi anak manis dan tetap bisa diajak ngobrol.

Enggak terasa, udah lima tahun aja. Dan nampaknya edisi tergila-gila anak sendiri ini masih akan terus berlangsung. Masih akan terus foto-fotoin dia, masih akan terus menulis tentang dia dan celotehnya yang... ampuuuuun deh, perasaan dulu gue umur segitu enggak gitu-gitu amat kalo ngejawab :)

Lima tahun, dan anak itu sudah mengalami banyak hal. Semoga diantara semua itu, dia sungguhlah tahu bahwa bundanya yang nyeleneh ini tidak pernah berhenti berpikir dan berbuat apapun caranya supaya dia bahagia. Supaya dia sehat wal afiat dan bisa mendapatkan pendidikan yang terbaik nantinya.

Amin.

Make friend with Broccoli

Who doesn't like veggie? High five!

Because I don't like veggie, so is my son.
So lately I tried to inhibit habit of eating veggie to Malicca.
Because I am working, breakfast is the only time we can dine together.
So, eating veggie let us in the morning.

The thing about cooking veggie is, it looks simple but it is hard to cook.
Over-cooked will only ruin the vitamins and its colors.
Thanks to Ibu Kembar who gave me the tips to cook sauted broccoli garlic.
And bigger thanks, because Malicca likes it even more.

The steps are easy.

Boil water and cook broccoli until its color becomes darker and a bit soft.
Dry the broccoli and put them on a dish.

Next, get some vegetable oil or olive oil into the frying pan.
Put chopped garlic and saute.
Put a little bit margarine and salt.
Do not wait until the garlic is brown. Brownish color means over-cooked and it tastes a bit bitter.
Cook it half-done then pour the salty margarine sauce onto the broccoli and top with grated cheese if you like.

Sauted broccoli garlic is now ready to be served.

Let's take a step back

Life should not be that hard. Whether if you are a little kid and doesn’t know what to do or whether you are old and sick, life could have been simpler after all.

Why do people get married in the first place? Why do people have kids in the end? Why do people work for a living, but they don’t have a life? Why do people busy with themselves and forgetting that they are part of their family, a root of who they are and where they are from.

Every family has its own story. Like a unique code that’s entitled on our last name. Unfortunately we only remember the story as opening and ending, leaving the rest as stories of our own.

Why when we reach productive era, we act like there are so many important things to do? As if we are the president who run the country, as if someone is going to die if we skip a day from our office. Why do we always lack of time for our parents as if they will always be young and healthy as ever?

Our love to our family might last forever, but not their physical. 

Far we have gone, today. Let's take a step back for a while, to embrace where we belong. To be home.

Amazing

It is amazing how your brain easily forgets the pain as you find a better replacement.
It is amazing how your heart easily forgives as you find a more exciting things that suddenly appear.

And you would laugh yourself, while saying "I have been through that" and feel glad that you turned out fine nonetheless.

God, you have created such a perfect creature called human. They heal themselves.

What's stopping you?

What’s stopping you from trying harder for the guy you love most? Will you leave him just because?

Is it another girl? Then you will find physical is forgivable. In time.

Is it money? Then you will find, talk is the best security you can have in this life. No better investment than communication with your partner.

Or those little things like putting down the toilet ring for you? Then you will find there are many other big things in life you must face.

So, what’s stopping you from trying harder for someone you love most?

To me, it is when he decided to quit. Just quit. 

Hari ini

Rumah ini luasnya masih sama seperti kemarin, dua hari yang lalu, masih sama seperti pertama kali dibangun. Tidak ada yang bergeser, tidak ada yang mengkisut atau memekar. Tapi entah kenapa, hari ini rasanya seperti rumah ini tiga kali lebih luas. Tiga kali lebih lapang sehingga menyapunya hampir menghabiskan seluruh tenagaku. Entah kenapa, jalinan-jalinan benang pel yang sesungguhnya telah taut menaut tidak bisa segera menyelesaikan mili demi mili lantai ini hingga habislah seluruh tenagaku mengusapnya.

Jari-jariku, tidak habis untuk menghitung berapa jumlah orang yang tinggal di dalamnya. Tapi kenapa nafasku ikut tersengal-sengal mengikuti putaran baling mesin cuci yang menggiling pakaian serasa laundri kelurahan.
 
Lelah memang lebih cepat terasa dan terasa sesak saat kita merasa sendiri. Ya, ... merasa.

Kalau sakit pun, seringkali sebaris pertanyaan "Gimana, sudah baikkan?" bisa menyembuhkan. Karena kita tahu, kita tidak sendiri. Ada seseorang nun jauh di luar sana yang sedang memikirkan keadaan kita.

Hari yang mendung.