Impian semua BuMil

Buat ibu-ibu hamil, kayanya nggak 'klop' kalau belum browsing-browsing stroller ya. Bisa dipastikan hampir semua ibu-ibu hamil pengen beli stroller. Karena emang lucu-lucu banget bentuknya. Dan stroller itu jadi seringkali jadi simbol status sosial kalo kita lagi jalan-jalan ke mall. Ya, kan? Coba aja, kalau liat ibu-ibu strolling Maxi Cosy stroller, minimal tasnya Kate Spade deh hihihihihi....

Begitu juga dengan aku. Belum apa-apa, yang diliat-liat itu adalah stroller. Belum juga hamilnya keliatan membuncit, udah sibuuuk aja browsing-browsing belanja online atau mampir ke Mothercare buat liat-liat stroller. Bahkan, sampai rajin banget baca review merk apa yang paling OK.
Sampai-sampai aku punya kriteria stroller OK sendiri:
1. Bisa 2 muka, menghadap atau membelakangi si pendorong.
2. Yang ringan dan mudah dilipat. Supaya, kalau pergi sendiri nggak repot.
3. Modelnya ringkes tapi bisa mulai dari umur 0 sampai 3 tahunan.
4. Kalau ada bonus infant car seat, wah itu bisa jadi added value banget
5. Nah ini, last but not least, ... the price!

Betapa lucunya stroller-stroller itu, sampai kita kadang nggak peduli bahwa stroller yang rodanya besar dan biasanya cuma terdiri atas 3 roda itu sebenarnya didisain untuk country strolling alias jalan-jalan di daerah berbatu atau kasar. Jadi, nggak cocok kalau dibawanya ke Mall.

Kadang, eh... sering deeeeeeh, ujung-ujungnya stroller dipakai untuk naruh barang dan didorong oleh baby sitter. Bayinya? Ya tentu lagi digendong sama ibunya. Lebih nyaman, lebih interaktif, lebih empuk, sehingga waktu mau ditaruh kembali ke stroller si bayinya nangis deh.
Akhirnya, stroller itu cuma jadi trolley buat naro barang belanjaan.

Nah, sebenarnya stroller ini ternyata agak kurang berguna buat aku. Karena jarang jalan-jalan juga sih hehehe. Berdasarkan pengalaman anak pertama yang enggak mau ditaruh di stroller, akhirnya sekalinya jalan-jalan pun jarang sekali bawa stroller. Ditambah lagi, saya suka merasa geli sendiri kalau melihat anak sudah besar dan sudah bisa jalan tapi masih aja didorong-dorong di kereta bayi.

Akhirnya, stroller pun dengan cepat berpindah tangan kepada yang lebih membutuhkan. Dan Malicca, untungnya dia lebih suka jalan kaki. Kalau udah capek, nggak ada deh tuh gendong-gendong. Mending pulang aja.

Buat aku, berdasarkan pengalaman juga sih, yang justru sangat berguna adalah carseat. Sampai Malicca umur 3 tahun, carseat itu masih terpakai. Banyak orang yang bilang "Tapi anakku enggak mau didudukin di carseat. Gimana dong?" Ya, ... kalau dibiasainnya umur setahun sih jelas-jelas anaknya pasti enggak mau ya. Tapi coba kalau udah dibiasain sejak lahir. Karena itu, kalau bisa nemu carseat yang bisa recline, bisa untuk newborn sampai berat 18 kg, rasanya kaya dapet arisan!

Etapi yah... tetep loh di hamil kali ini aku punya stroller impian yang cocoooook sekali dengan kriteria saya. Tadaaaaaaa.... the all in one stroller for infant to toddler :) Sayangnya, harganya tidak sesuai dengan kriteria aku :)


As the feeling grows, the house grows

You may say I am a bit too much. But for the hundred times, I want to tell you that I love my house. I love every sweat I spent to build it. Every advertising awards I won that gave me millions of money and Ace Hardware vouchers. Every single corner I made even the spot where to put the toilet. Every fights I had with my brother since he was the architect. Every bureaucracy I encountered for the paperworks.  Every supports from people around, specially my father who kept his eyes on the progress. Every tears I poured when I entered the rocky years and the house was abandoned for quite sometimes.

Yet the house is still here, and I love it even more.

2007

The idea of building the house actually popped out when I got tired of trying to conceive. After I went through so many doctors, I became stress and I thought I needed to find an as big distraction as trying to conceive a baby. With all the guts, I made the big step. My father gave me the 225 square meteres land in the west of Jakarta, just right next to my parent's house and I applied an 11 years mortgage to build it. After a few months, I got pregnant. We moved in a few weeks after I gave birth.

The house has been the silent witness of what ever happened in my life. It has witnessed so much beginnings and many endings. I am one of those people who believes that a house reflects who's inside. Especially the mother. Or the wife. And I regretted I ever abandoned the house as I neglected many things in my life before.

Years passed. Nearly six years since the house stood tall, as old as my oldest son. Now I am slowly picking up all the pieces and is trying to rebuild and recolour it. With the help of my husband, the one who always supports me what ever I want to do in life.

After a few weeks, we finally finished our renovation. The second floor that has always been empty, is now planned to be a more lively room as I (Insya Allah) gave birth in a few months. There will be kid's room for Malicca and the little baby. There will be a chalkboard wall so they can sketch as big as their dream. There will be an indoor swing that will keep them happy. There will be tons of books and a reading nook so they can travel their mind everywhere. There will be me and my husband watching them from the patio. There will be us. Insya Allah.

The drawer stairs, now with lights. 

The new focal point in green, still an empty wall. 

Soon to be a happening floor, Insya Allah.

Proud kid who picked his own colour for his bathroom

I am happy.
I dedicate this post to my beloved husband, Ariawan. The agile guy I met when I was 16. I thank God we met each other again after 14 years.
I love you, Bubu.

2013

I miss those

I used to think that I am one of those people who cannot travel alone. Including hanging out to a mall. But then, I tried. I still remember when it was. Right after I finished my violin class on my second year of college. I brought my violin and went to Kinokuniya bookstore, alone.

Amazingly, I felt enjoyed.

Where was the scary feeling?
Where was the awkward feeling when crowds looked at me as if they were thinking something bad about me?
Where was the uneasy feeling of having something unplanned?
Where was the worry?

I did not know why, and how, but they were all gone.
Of course there was a little bit of uneasy feeling. First cut is always the deepest.
But I managed it.

Up to this moment, I am still think that way. That I cannot go alone. But then, life shoves me down my throat to get this life alone, sometimes. Many times, to be exact. Started from a must I travel alone for work, or when things turn solo for me.

Now, it has been a while since I last travel alone or juggle the life solo.
Not that I am not grateful of having my family and spouse around, but honestly I kinda miss those solo moment. Specially the solo traveling part. Because sometimes, I found my hidden self when I travel alone. I felt rejuvenated. I felt blessed of having people around me. I felt glad I met strangers and asked their help to take a photo of me and asked for directions. I was never really alone.

... yea, I miss those.

Anyways,
maybe its time for me to share and give-in to merge myself into others.
Maybe I had enough time dingled-dangled life all by myself.
Maybe I had those moments of me-time in an amazing wonderland, in winter, in the desert, in a turbulence and stormy flight that made me say God's name thousand times.

Yet still I think "I want to be alone" is the biggest lie in the world.



Storm
Quiet lake
Bright lights
Fajr.
Groomed to be my travel buddy
Me and my little travel buddy going down town
No stroller for the little traveller





Malicca, I miss you

Malicca, my satellite.

Do you remember when we drove along together on a very night.
And we sang out loud.
Yes, Viva La Vida that was.
Your favorite song.

Do you remember one day when I returned from work half-day
and we spent the rest of the day having pizza and played in the playground?

Do you remember when we went to Bali and spent the evening in the swimming pool watching the sun set? Spent the whole day on the beach, had pizza and tried our first Slurpee ever?
Yes, just the two of us.

Do you remember when we went to Singapore and you pushed yourself to walk along the city just because I forgot to bring your pushchair? And you did it without any complaints.

Do you remember those nights you took care of me when there was no man in the house?
Oh I forgot, you were the man that saved our house from a burnt out!

Do you remember the night when I was so pissed off and you said
"Good nite, tomorrow will be better, Bunda."
"Promise?!"
"Yes."
"Will you wake up earlier to school so I don't have to scream out loud just to hurry you up?"
"Yes."
And you did wake up without being fussy and you made me smile that day.

A man who keep his words, you are.

And now seeing you sick like this; breaks my heart and tore it apart.
"What have I not done?"
"What have I done wrong?"
If only I could be the one with the never-ending cough, short breath with lips turning blue, I would.
If only I should be the one with the bitter ventolin, I would.
If only I should be the one with the hurting nasal spray, I would too.
Because I only want you to swallow your dream.

Get well soon, baby. 



Malicca's first date

On Friday night, you told me this.

"Bunda, besok main ke rumah Aurel ya."
"Just you? or with your other friends?"
"Only me."
"Well, I don't know where she lives."
"I know."
"Really, how do you know?'

"Jadi gini, tadi pas go home time Titan kan gandengan sama Aurel. Terus Titan bilang
'Aurel Aurel, besok main ke rumah kamu yuk!'
Kata Aurel 'Ayuk!'
'Tapi rumah kamu dimana?'
'Di Permata Mediterania, Jalan Garden 2 nomor 2'
'Oh yang ada tempat berenangnya itu ya? Nanti kita berenang ya!'
'Iya' kata Aurel.

I kept silent.

At one side, I just could not belive a nearly six years old kid could ask a girl out.
At the other side, oh ... I kinda lazy to find the address and pop out in front of her house and need to say this to Aurel's mom:

"Oh, well, hello... apparently,  our kids ... uhm ... have an appointment. To go swimming together. Uh hmmm..." .... aaaaaaawkwaaaaaaaaaard
But at some point, this is something cute and how could I let my own son down by not letting him go?

"Oh, we'll see" I finally said.

Saturday morning, he asked me when I will drop him to Aurel's.
(My God, you haven't forgot have you.)

So after having his lunch, I took him to the crime scene.
Well, ... not a single sign of 'Jalan Garden 2'
"Good!" I said to myself and did not try harder by asking a security at the gate.

"Maybe she's waiting for me at the sport club, Bunda." Malicca said.
"Very well, Sir."

Still, no sign of appearance.
But he doesn't look sad at all after seeing the pool. Soon he put on his rubber band and jumped off.

Maybe next time, kiddo.
Maybe next time.

:)

A day in a copywriter's life


Dari atas sini, terlihat seorang istri yang sedang memasak tumis dengan penuh antusias. Minyak yang menggolak panas siap menggoseng irisan bawang merah dan bawang putih. Lalu dimasukkannya irisan terasi dan potongan sayur yang sudah dicuci bersih.

“Cih, ... tumis kangkung?!!! Dulu juga aku masak itu.” 

Tiba-tiba terdengar suara wanita lain yang membathin.

“Semua sudah kulakukan untuk masak yang terbaik bagi keluarga. Tapi apa hasilnya?” 

Lanjut wanita itu lagi.

Tiba-tiba wanita yang sedang sibuk memasak itu mengeluarkan satu bungkus bumbu masak ke dalam wajan.

“Apa itu? Bumbu masak Surius? ah... kenapa aku tidak pernah tahu rahasia itu! Ah, seandainya saja aku pakai, mungkin lain lagi ceritanya. aku pasti bisa menjadi istri yang lebih baik. Ibu yang lebih dicintai anak-anak.” 

Kata suara hati itu kembali bergumam.

Camera berputar arah, ternyata yang berbicara adalah seekor cicak yang sedang mengamati seorang Ibu yang sedang memasak di dapur.

Ibu Cicak itu pun kemudian menatap dengan nanar. Tak terasa air mata jatuh di pelupuk matanya.

Tiba-tiba, di dinding terlihat satu ekor cicak lain yang merayap menghampiri cicak pertama

“Istriku!” 

Kata cicak ke dua.

Serta merta cicak pertama terkaget-kaget melihat cicak ke dua. Tak ayal lagi, cicak ke dua segera menghampiri cicak pertama dan memeluknya.

“Suamiku! Demi apa, kita bertemu kembali? Maafkan aku, suamiku. Seharusnya aku bisa memasak lebih enak untukmu dan anak-anak di kehidupanku yang lalu."

Kata Ibu Cicak.

“Maafkan aku juga yang selalu mencela masakanmu.”

Kata Bapak Cicak.

Dan kedua cicak itu pun menangis terharu sambil berpelukan, menyaksikan kebahagiaan keluarga di bawah yang bersuka-cita dengan tumis kangkung mereka. 


Muncullah packshot. Lalu slogan. Tipikal. 


Hello Sunday's sunshine, 
Thank you for allowing us to had breakfast in the backyard. 
Malicca was so happy, 
because it has been a while since our last outdoor breakie
(thanks to rainy season). 

We had risoles and pear this morning. 
Some cups of tea and chocolate milk for the little boy. 

Simple menu yet we got too excited by the sun.


Sunday is the big breakfast day.
Today, we had apple cinnamon french toast, 
egg ham french toast 
and hot cinnamon sorbet.

Love

In one starry night,
you and I were sitting in the front terrace of our house.
You turned the lights off,
so we can see the starry sky much clearer.

You had your strawberries.
Yes, you said you like strawberries very much.
But I know,
it is the moment you dipped the strawberry into sugar
is what you liked most.
- I am happy as long as you are happy -

And you started asking me questions.

Bunda, is love fiction?
No, love is real.
But why can't I draw love?
Yes you can, and you did. When you drew for me, that is love. When you drew for aki, nini, ayah, bubu, uwak, that is love. When you drew Cadillac Eldorado, that is love.
You mean love is when I draw a heart?
No, love is something that you are feeling and makes you happy.
I love you, Bunda.

*I suddenly lost my breath and shed a tear*

I am having such a lovable life.
I am having so much love around me, I love them and they love me.
What else in life you expect when you have your love in return?
Though I sometimes forget or deny.
Though I have hurt and got hurt by many people in my life.
God never forgets to remind me over and over that there are so much love around me.

Alhamdulillah.

I love you too, Malicca.  
And I love Bubu too. 
And I love the little lunar that is shining softly in the belly. 




What other things in life you want to ask 
when you have such a loving hubby who cooked you
a warm chocolate melt?
Love you Bubu! 

To Malicca: Thank You

Dear Titan,

Sometimes I think I am the one who cannot live without you.
Sometimes, it is you who is taking care of me very well.
Sometimes, it is you who is not only think about me but do something instead.

Thank you, my son.
I thank you so much.

You might not know this,
but I do love you more than anything or anyone in this world.


One day when I was expecting your little sister / brother and was so exhausted

When you grow up



























So much of watching sinetron 'Tukang Bubur Naik Haji' ... you said to me one day
"Nda, ... Titan kalau sudah besar jadi Tukang Bubur aja, yah?"

Thank you for the lovely drawing you always gave me, sayang :)

What he left under my door



























... is your drawing for me.
Thank you, baby.

Your drawing has always been my thirst quencher all along :)

I want to be bigger!

Oneday,
when you were nearly six and I held you like a baby.
Yes, I put you in my arms and took you close to my breast. Very close.

"Oh why have you grown so fast?" I held you tighter and tighttttttter.
"I like it when you hold me this way, like a baby." You said.
"Then don't grow up so fast. Please please please stay this way, will you? Do you want to stay this way and stop growing up? So I can hold and hug and cuddle you always?" I asked him while kissing him over and over.
"No no nooo" You replied instantly.
"What? You don't want it?"
"No, I like when you hold me this way, but I want to be bigger!" You said, certainly.
"But why?"
"Because getting bigger is good, Bunda. So I can drive and take you to the office!" You explained your reason.

I smiled.

Malicca,
Grown ups want to get back to their childhood, sometimes.
They miss their school times and school friends, many times.
They miss do stupid things simply because they realize that they are now have grown up.
Often they wish they can play all day, do not have to go to work or need to be responsible of things they'd done or wish they don't have to make big decisions for their life.
They wish they can do anything they want, have milk and cookies before bed without being worry they will gain weight.
They wish for simple things when they were a child.
That when they are sad, they will cry.
That when they got angry to their friend they will have a big fight but the next minute they will play as if nothing ever happened.
That when they're sleepy, they will sleep.
That when they love someone, they just love without asking the same thing back.

Sometimes, grown ups want to be like you, a little child. 

I did not say these to you that day.
I preferred to hold you longer, while you still want it too.
Because I know, you will be bigger and bigger in each day.
And you might not let me hold you this tight ever again.

Yes, you will grow up
and by then you can read this blog.
Thinking of how much I love you.



Fiction or non-fiction





























One day you made me a story and we had that little discussion.
You think this is non fiction.
But in my opinion, this is a fiction. Just because we don't have any Mercedes, you cannot drive me and we had never gone to the mountain.

:)

Malaikat



Malaikatku mungkin tidak sepintar manusia seusianya.
Ia tidak sempurna, dan seringkali berbuat semau-maunya.
Kadang ia berbohong, untuk menutupi kesalahannya.
Atau, hanya karena merasa takut kepada manusia-manusia yang lebih besar dan lebih pintar darinya.
Kadang, apapun pertanyaan yang diajukan kepadanya; ia menjawab "Tidak tahu."
Antara benar-benar tidak tahu atau supaya cepat saja dan tidak ingin berlama-lama ditanya.

Tapi malaikatku selalu ada.
Ia menemaniku di saat-saat susahku.
Di saat-saat sendiriku.
Jemarinya yang mungil pernah menghapus air mataku saat ia tak sengaja meleleh di pipiku.
Bahkan jiwanya yang berani pernah membela seorang wanita tua yang dihardik oleh kakek.
Dan hatinya yang besar, yang tak menyisakan dendam bagaimanapun kami manusia melukainya.

Bagi sebagian manusia, hal yang dilakukan malaikatku hanyalah hal yang biasa.

Saat ini, aku mengandung lagi di dalam rahimku
Dan malaikatku membuktikan sekali lagi bahwa ialah yang paling bahagia menyambut kedatangan saudaranya

Memeluknya saat tidur,
membacakannya cerita,
mengambilkanku tissue saat isi perut tak tertahankan ingin meronta

Dan salahkah jika aku selalu membelanya,
hanya karena aku adalah ibunya?




Berserah atau Menyerah?

  Qur'an Surat Maryam: 6 يَّرِثُنِيْ وَيَرِثُ مِنْ اٰلِ يَعْقُوْبَ وَاجْعَلْهُ رَبِّ رَضِيًّا  ۝٦ yaritsunî wa yaritsu min âli ya‘qûba w...