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teman baik saya, farika, menulis tentang ini persis dengan apa yang saya rasakan. begitu cepat anak-anak kita tumbuh tinggi, tumbuh besar dengan beribu pertanyaan yang terkadang terlontar dan entah berapa banyak lagi yang tersimpan. dengan rasa senang, kesal, kecewa, sedih, yang seringkali terucap tapi entah ada berapa banyak yang terlintas di benak mereka yang kita tidak tahu.

sekitar tiga tahun yang lalu, cara dia bicara saja masih kacau. masih cadel. saya masih punya rekaman dia bercerita panjang lebar dengan kakeknya. iya, panjaaaang ... dan lebaaar ... dan lama. hanya untuk menjelaskan satu hal, karena terbata-bata dan berusaha sekali supaya kakeknya mengerti apa yang dikatakannya.

tapi sekarang, malicca sudah bisa blogging. biar juga tanda baca masih ketinggalan di sana sini, kordinasi memori, logika dan tangan tiba-tiba sudah sempurna sekali.

saya hampir lupa bagaimana saya mengajarkan malicca membaca, tahu-tahu sekarang dia sudah bisa membaca kalimat dalam dua bahasa. saya bahkan tidak ingat kapan mengajarkan grammar, tapi sekarang dia sudah bisa membedakan mana past tense dan mana present tense.

walaupun sekarang saya bekerja di rumah, menyiapkan setiap kebutuhannya sejak dia bangun tidur sampai tidur lagi, melihat mukanya saat mengantar dan menjemputnya dari sekolah, mendengar laporan kegiatan di sekolah plus ekstra 24 jam bersama di akhir minggu, waktu tetap terasa kurang. saya ingin waktu yang lebih banyak lagi untuk mengajarkan dan berbagi tentang banyak hal. saya ingin memasak lebih enak lagi, bermain lebih kreatif lagi ... karena saya tahu saya berpacu dengan waktu.

dan hari ini, malicca jadi imam saat sholat dengan saya. untuk pertama kalinya. dia keliatan bangga dan tentunya senang bisa mengimami. biar juga bacaannya baru surat al-ikhlas aja. biar juga rakaatnya kebanyakan. enggak terasa air mata ini menetes. mendengar suara lembutnya melantun ayat demi ayat al-fatihah.

ada rasa haru mencekat. tapi bukan itu saja, karena juga ada rasa khawatir yang besar. what kind of man he will be in the future? have i taught him the right path? have i provide him the right ammunition to face the world? what if he got hurt? what if I cannot protect him any longer? what if he starts keeping secrets? what if he blame me on several things? what if I cannot answer his questions? what ifs.

but then, nobody ever read a perfect parenting. nobody knows about the future. all I can do now is to be beside him anytime he needs me. every bad or worse. every unfinished worksheets, every minecraft's glitch, every smile, every cry, every cough, every story he wants to share me.






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