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Lyfe, or somewhat like it.

Hello, Saturday. It’s been a while since I last wrote you under the warm sunlight, upon the greeneries of my backyard. This is a silent Saturday, I must say. Not in a good sense, not in a bad sense as well. It is just the way it is.

My 32th year of circling the sun’s journey will end soon, it got me think that whoever mentioned that we cannot live the life like how we always want is brilliant and honest. Because it is true. In contrary, the more I don’t want to live the particular life is the more my life heading to. In that sense, I should stop expecting and judging and start living life with the eyes of a child.

Another thing I picked up is, that it is so hard to wish someone to change as hard as how hard to change our self is. Sometimes, even though people are different but they keep giving the same effect to us. Is it a good sense? Is it a bad sense? Well, it is not about good or bad, it is just the way it is.

If we die one day and by then we would have learnt our life thoroughly, maybe we would get all the conclusion that  life is a cycle that goes over and over without even we realized it is actually a pattern. A pattern that if only we have realized it we would not need to find all answers, because they were all there. Without even realizing it as well, we are actually the eyes of the storms that spread the exact amount of gravity to make people give you the same result no matter who they are.

Maybe, 
lyfe is just like a music playlist. It is a podcast with shuffle and repeat mode.

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Life. Just like what I wanted.

Sounds so snobbish ya, saying life is just like what I wanted. But then I realized, semua itu karena emang aku enggak pengen apa-apa. Sekarang juga (ternyata) masih begitu. Dulu emang I treat my life like a blue print. Things to do piling up my list and my aims were to accomplish them. Alhamdulillah, semua tercapai. Tapi kemudian seperti ada titik tolak dalam hidup yang bikin  berhenti ingin terlalu banyak dari hidup. Entah karena merasa udah cukup banyak pencapaian pribadi baik yang bagus atau yang buruk, entah karena pernah kecewa berat sama yang namanya manusia atau karena alasan klise yang digadang-gadang semua manusia: anak.

Sekarang ini, lebih banyak menyambut apa yang datang ke dalam hidup. Termasuk, kembali ke agency lagi. Having thought that I am not some kind of 'Man in a mission' kind of person. I am just an 'I will do my best' of what comes in front of me kind of person.

Gini ceritanya.

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love is love. marriage is another thing.

of all the things I ever wondered, ... I think I never wonder whom my kids will be married to. or to picture myself holding grand babies. not just a not yet, I think it is simply too hard to bear and too absurd to think of. but then I promise myself. I promise I will not ever push titan and luna to get married or even if they are married; I will not ask them when to have kids.

many times I wondered that marriage is overrated. and the only reason to get married is not love, but to realise life is too hard to bear when you are all alone. because, however, marriage is a conditional love. hubby once said, marriage is not all fancy and glitter. the lowest it can get is, to keep functioning and it will survive. how both parties can be functional one to another, is another story.

to ariawan, a guy of mine,
the one who always wake me up from my princessy dreams. love you.



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