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*big grin*

... time flies, and many times; you are still a boy after all.

perasaan itu, masih tetap sama.

Baru enam tahun menjadi ibu. Baru lima bulan lebih jadi ibu beranak dua. Belum pernah ada perasaan yang lain kalau anak-anak sakit. Rasanya cuma satu. Sedih. Tabiatnya pun cuma satu. Panik. Maunya cepet-cepet ke dokter. Kalau kenapa-kenapa maunya langsung SMS dokter, jam empat pagi sekalipun. Syukurlah punya kakak ipar dokter dan dokternya anak-anak juga selalu ngebales walaupun di-SMS di jam-jam 'aneh' sekalipun.

Untuk kasus Luna kemarin, saya paniknya bukan kepalang saat dia demam tinggi berulang. Berbagai hipotesa lalu-lalang di kepala, padahal punya ilmu kedokteran juga enggak. Enggak tidur (itu sih biasa ya, namanya juga punya bayi dan pekerja iklan) dan stress membuat saya merasa masuk angin keesokan harinya. Pusing bukan kepalang. Muntah-muntah. Kerokan tanpa hasil gemilang kepala ces pleng. Dan ternyata setelah di cek, ... ya ampun saya mendadak darah tinggi! 139 / 97 itu hitungannya sangat tinggi bagi saya yang biasanya 100 / 67.

Sekarang, setelah sebulan virus flu-dema…

Hari Ibu

enggak mau banyak nulis ah.
yang jelas, saya bahagia sekali.
*caramel heart*

Selamat hari ibu juga, semua :)





Reason or Excuse?

T: bunda,  titan boleh bikin teh manis? 
M: boleh, sayang. 
T: *ambil gelas besar*
M: lho, gelas titan mana? 
T: ada, di atas
M: dipakai lagi aja, jangan ganti-ganti gelas terus biar enggak banyak cucian piring
T: tapi gelasnya ada airnya
M: ya diambil, dipake lagi. 
T: tapi ada airnya. 
M: air putih? 
T: iya, titan enggak suka ada air putihnya. 
M: kamu mau buat apa? 
T: teh manis
M: emang teh manisnya Titan nanti enggak dicampur air putih? 
T: hmmm *mikir* ... dicampurlah Nda, kalau enggak nanti pahit. 
M: kalau begitu air putihnya yang di dalam gelas di atas aja. 
T: hmmm... iya juga yah. Tapi Titan enggak mau, Nda. 
M: kenapa?
T: nggak mau, gelasnya basah. 
M: lho, emang nanti titan ambil gelas baru, isi air teh, isi gula, isi air putih hangat, gelasnya enggak basah? 
T: hmmm... iya juga sih
T: tapi titan enggak mau, Nda. Yang di atas itu gelasnya kecil, Titan pengennya gelas yang ini, besar, jadi teh manisnya banyak. 
M: nah, kalau itu alasannya, baru tepat. Ya udah, sekarang tolong bantu Bunda ambil …

Here, now

1:21 am and wide-awake.
Sleepy, but there is this feeling that I am feeling and I still want to enjoy every second of it.

The "now-what?" or "what's next" question that is no longer haunting me, unlike yesterday.

The "I do not know" answer that I used to hate and now has become my favourite one.

I am feeling fuzzy and content at the same time and I am so much enjoying it I cannot believe and keep asking "how did I get to this point?'

I feel overwhelmed of my resignation. Yes, after 13 years working in the industry.
Today is my last day working in the office and I sealed the day with a quick-but-cute mom & son date over ice tea and Malayan toasts.

Yeah, ... how did I get this point? I think these might be the answers.

I am not alone. 

I am blessed with a loving husband who can make me feel secure about life and my day-to-day mayhem. He taught me life is not about who-do-what, but a let's-do-something-about-it-spirit instead. So when I …

#bebikinan weekend

Akhir minggu ini kita sekeluarga full bebikinan. projectnya titan untuk merakit mobil pengasih uwaknya udah dimulai dari malam-malam sebelumnya. Hari sabtu pagi digeber supaya selesai dan ... voila ... jadilah mobil kuno yang bundanya ini enggak tahu apa namanya.

Project bubu dimulai dari Sabtu siang setelah mobil-mobilan titan selesai. Terus terang, projectnya bubu ini emang paling lucu diantara project lainnya. Dia pengen banget bikin reversible baby booties buat adek Luna.

Dan emejing, ... akhirnya jadi juga! Bundanya ini sampe minder. Sayangnya, kita enggak punya bahan motif lain untuk pendampingnya, jadi enggak terlalu keliatan bicolor deh.

Sementara itu, bundanya bikin lasagna aja.
Seperti biasa, dengan resep kira-kira. Not bad lah ....









The grand grateful

Malicca,

If I can be jealous of you, having grannies is one of thing I am jealous of.
Because I did not have the chance of knowing them like you know your grannies: my parents.

They are great parents. And as you know, they are also great grannies. 

Your grandfather taught me how to ride a bike, how to climb the tree, to go fishing, to swim, to drive a car, just like the way he taught you the same things the other days.
Your grandfather stood by me all my life, taught me to be a strong girl and a strong woman when no one near. He taught me to be a strong man at the same time. He taught me to be tough, even when I was left behind. He taught me that I never alone. Just like what he did to you. The one you looked for when you got wounded, the one who fixed your toys, the one who always around for urgent calls or just to get you to school or pick you up from school. The one who taught us there are greater things above us.

"You are my daughter. You have to be strong! When someone cannot make…

Malicca's snack box

Walaupun sebenernya Titan udah dapet snack pagi dan lunch di sekolah, sebagai program penyesuaian berat badan (baca: usaha biar berat badan naik) aku selalu bawain dia snack khusus untuk dimakan selama perjalanan pulang naik school bus. Dulu, snacknya suka dimintain sama anak-anak lain. Karena itu aku suka bawain agak banyak atau potongan yang lebih kecil untuk teman-temannya itu. Tapi sekarang, kalau denger ceritanya sih katanya udah jarang dimintain. Kalaupun iya, pasti jadi tukeran makanan.

Good boy! :)

Dulu-dulu, snack box Titan isinya cuma roti tawar isi berbagai selai atau telur atau siomay frozen yang tentunya sudah dihangatkan paginya. Beberapa waktu terakhir ini, agak lebih pengen usaha bisa bawain yang lucu-lucu. Walau kadang, enggak semuanya dimakan sih. Pernah aku bawain petite biskuit yang dibuat dari biskuit Ritz, cheese cubesnya The Laughing Cow plus raspberry on the top. Semuanya disusun seperti menara trus ditusuk pakai tusuk gigi yang ditempel bendera kecil. Eh, ...…

Looking through

Who are the significant people in your kid's life?
Who runs the house according to their eyes?
How do they see you?

Well, despite of what they say, we can actually look through their perception through their drawings.

I did not pay attention in the first place. But then I kind of see the same pattern every time Titan draw our family portrait. Then I browse and browse and browse about how to interpret children's drawings.

Do you see what I see?






I think, I dominate his life. And I do not know whether it is good or bad. As you can see, I always be the biggest figure amongst the rest of the family. Even though I was drawn alone,  he always put me the crown and sat me on a throne. But I love the fact that he always draw himself beside me *pastel heart*




To my satellites

To your sister, I am her Earth.  To you, I am your Saturn. The mother nature says you both are circling around me.  But in fact, you two are my gravities.  That keep me on my orbital lapse,  and live. 
Together we cruise the universe. 




To my children

Most people don't want to admit it, but face it: we all grow up to be like our parents, in one way or another. This is very true.

To my children, don't get too hard on your Bunda yah.
And you two should read this :)


Bunda Ikutan Sekolah

Belajar dari pengalaman tahun lalu, paling enggak ada dua event di sekolah Titan yang memerlukan bantuan orang tua untuk ikutan kontribusi. Pertama yaitu multicultural week event dan yang ke dua yaitu bussiness day event. Dua-duanya di kuartal genap, jadi bisa dibilang paling enggak enam bulan sekali lah ibu-ibu atau bapak-bapaknya harus ikutan rempong dengan kegiatan anak-anak ini.

Multicultural week adalah event besar yang paling banyak membutuhkan bantuan kordinasi orang tua atau bahkan hands-on langsung untuk kelangsungan acara. Karena event ini memang bener-bener berlangsung selama seminggu. Dimulai dengan hari pertama yang dimulai dengan touring ke kelas lain (ceritanya jalan-jalan keliling Indonesia atau keliling dunia) dimana masing-masing kelas sudah siap dengan tema masing-masing. Iya, salut sama guru-gurunya yang sudah menyiapkan segala sesuatunya. Hari ke dua, acara biasanya difokuskan di kelas masing-masing dengan memanggil guest speaker yang berbicara tentang tema daerah …

before bed time

One night, when baby luna was already sleeping, you and I had this conversation.

How's your day, malicca?

Just fine. Oh, ... what are your three happiness today, Bunda?

Hmmm... I am happy because you hugged me soon as I opened up the car's door as I got back from the office. I am happy because I am full, I ate a lot on lunch and dinner. And finally, I tried the famous Cronuts!  What are your three happiness?

Oh, I am happy because you hugged me too! I am happy because I have no unfinished worksheets today. Yeay! I am happy because on PDR I made masjid Baitul Rahman with math materials in math center.

O, really? that was what you did on PDR?

Yes, Bunda. I made it with the blocks with Aria and Revatta.

Do you like your school?

Yes, I love my school.

Do you like going to school everyday?

Ah la la la la laaaa ... Nnnnoooooo hahahahaha

Why you don't like it?

Oooowh because the worksheets are soooo many, I have 3 unfinished worksheets.

Then if you can build your own school, how would you lik…

To my little artist

Titan suka sekali menggambar.
Dari dulu. Beberapa koleksi gambarnya bisa dilihat di sini.
Tapi kalau ditanya mau les apa enggak, jawabnya selalu "Enggak mau Nda, Titan kan udah bisa gambar."

Oke, deh!

Gambar pertama dia adalah obat nyamuk yang muter-muter dikasih roda dan dinamain 'Mobil Obat Nyamuk'.Untungnya, anaknya enggak suka coret-coret dinding. Walaupun dulu aku punya cita-cita ingin mempersembahkan satu dinding khusus yang bisa dia coret-coret trus nanti aku cat pakai cat bening supaya enggak kotor.

Tapi, kejadiannya lain. Karena baru tahun ini, setelah 6 tahun rumah ini berdiri dan dihuni, akhirnya lantai atas yang memang direncanakan jadi ruang bermain baru benar-benar officially kejadian. Tadinya, boro-boro ditidurin, diinjek lantainya aja enggak seminggu sekali. So, let alone of having his personal paraphernalia wall, kamar aja masih barengan di bawah :)

Karena itu, baru tahun inilah akhirnya kejadian Titan punya personal display wall sendiri. Dia seneng sekali…
I loved my colour tone that day. But what I loved more was; for what I did.

Yes, I resigned for the second time for the same reason: to set up a new career at home while freelancing. Why the same reason? Well, sometimes you just have to try and reviewed your decision again and again to know which decision suits you best. 
The first time I resigned from the giant multinational company Leo Burnett, it gave a little residue whether it was the right decision or not. Yet I tried to be a freelancer for four months and then decided to get hired for a permanent position a few months later. Of course, under the circumstances I thought I could deal with: 15 minutes distance from the house and school so I can easily get here and there, ... and well paid.

But apparently, a few things are only beautiful as a concept. Not in practice.

I have learnt that working is not only about getting money or fulfilling your passion. Yes it has to be on the checklists, but there is a thing beyond that. The feel…
"Bunda, bunda kok tambah gendut sih?"
*pukpuk perut*

"Tuh kan, ... enak kaya bantal. Aaaa... Titan pengen bobo di perut Bunda ajaaaa"
*boboan*

I love you and ...

... I am blessed that you are loved by many people too.

Well,
as we know it, you got [krey-zee] about Titanic for the past months as you wrote here.
Hence, you do not need to figure-out how people know about this current fetish of yours :)
Because sometimes, to know someone is not always through the words they say.
But rather through what they showed to people.

Yet you showed us your titanic drawings.
Your titanic lego.
Your history path on our YouTube (keyword: Titanic sinking ship).
And they were how we know how much you mad about the maiden cruise of Titanic.

Thanks to Tante @dialita who found the book for you.
She even gave you her Titanic exhibition ticket (no Malicca, she did not survived from the lifeboat like you thought *LOL)

So by all means,
you should be grateful for your life.
For the people around you.
Because you were loved. By many.
Remember that, always.








a love letter

Dear Malicca,

you have been giving me things all along.
Start from your paintings, drawings, stories you made yourself or letters.

Today, I got another letter from you.
But of all letters you gave me, this one is a bit different.
I felt this one is more ... personal.
It was like you wrote it from the bottom of your heart.
It was like you were telling me how disappointed you were (because I left you to the office),
... but you loved me nevertheless (I knew it from your closing lines).

Terima kasih ya sayang,
and one thing for sure;
I never felt a single bit of boredom taking care of you and your little sister.
You are my children.
It is just sometimes, ... or many times,
mom got to do what mom got to do.
And you will know, those are all for you.

I love you nonetheless!





Thank you (again) my son

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you may remember my post about what i thought was wrong about rising a kid. Yet the hypothesis is proven day by day. 

This time, I am challenged to be a better mom. A better person, by enhancing my listening skill which I thought I am good enough. But one night, I realized that mine was poor. 

I may have listened to what my friends shared. I may have listened good or bad news. I may have listened to what the universe said. Or my heart. But listening to a little kid, bragging about one thing over and over and over again, that is the particular part I need to elaborate (now I sound like an Account Servicing, using the word ‘elaborate’). 

Who doesn’t want to have a kid with a good listening skill? Not only it will bring them to a nice circle of friendship, good listening skill also brings kids to a better cognitive development. Because only with good listening skill, kids can digest the direction given before they do their worksheet at school. But how…

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you may remember my post about what i thought was wrong about rising a kid. Yet the hypothesis is proven day by day. 

This time, I am challenged to be a better mom. A better person, by enhancing my listening skill which I thought I am good enough. But one night, I realized that mine was poor. 

I may have listened to what my friends shared. I may have listened good or bad news. I may have listened to what the universe said. Or my heart. But listening to a little kid, bragging about one thing over and over and over again, that is the particular part I need to elaborate (now I sound like an Account Servicing, using the word ‘elaborate’). 

Who doesn’t want to have a kid with a good listening skill? Not only it will bring them to a nice circle of friendship, good listening skill also brings kids to a better cognitive development. Because only with good listening skill, kids can digest the direction given before they do their worksheet at school. But how…

Papa

for a hundred times you told me you want to be a papa when you grow up.
and today, also for the several times, i asked you why.
and here was what you said.

"
So I can protect you, Bunda. 
And I can go to work to the office so you don't have to go to work anymore.



aduh, terharu mendengarnya.

let's call it a night

Tulisan ini bukan urban legend, tapi bukan juga realitas eksakta. pengalaman ini semata-mata asumsi yang subjektif sifatnya. tapi malam ini saya belajar, bahwa saya harus lebih berhati-hati lagi dalam berkata-kata. karena kata adalah doa. dan bahwa doa di hari arafah adalah sebaik-baiknya doa, yang makbul untuk dikabulkan. 

dan malam ini, adalah malam di hari idul adha. saya, titan, luna dan ariawan lagi santai-santai di kamar anak-anak di atas. setelah hampir tujuh tahun kamar itu kosong, akhirnya kini menjadi 'sanctuary'  kami. setiap habis makan malam, pasti kami santai-santai di sana. gogoleran, browsing, membaca buku cerita hingga akhirnya anak-anak pun tertidur. begitu juga malam itu. bedanya, kami gogoleran mulai lewat maghrib karena makan malam masih disiapkan. saya sedang asyik bermain-main bayangan tangan sama luna. di usinya yang tepat tiga bulan ini, ternyata matanya sudah sangat fokus memperhatikan beragam bentuk tangan di tirai kamar yang kebetulan berwarna putih…

while you were working...

... these were what happened to my life.
home, backyard, family & friends, new place, new experience, more children books, oh I can do this everyday. I'm gonna master it for sure hahaha

Perfect Timing

Dear Malicca, 
one day you will learn there is no such a thing as perfect timing. 
One day, you will also learn that it is not about waiting for the perfect time; 
but it is all about how to make time. 

Today is my last day of my 3 months maternity leave and today is your Student Lead Conference for term 1. It means, tomorrow I am going back to work as well as you will start having your holiday. Yes, again having your holiday without me. But with all your plans on how you will spend your holiday, I am sure we will have good time for the time we will make :)

Anyways,
You did a good job for your presentation at SLC. Have some homework to catch up, of course.
That would be reducing your day dreaming in the middle of lessons and learn harder for number operation and place value for math subject.

Anyways (again),
There was a slice of smile for what happen today at school.

I said to you previously to attend only your main presentation and not to take tour to your special subject teachers, becau…

Bukan berarti

Alhamdulillah.
Cuma itu satu kata yang bisa aku ucap hingga pagi ini, masih bisa memerah susu dan jumlahnya semakin banyak (ah, macam Cimory aja jadinya). Freezer pun hampir penuh. Udah nggak muat lagi to be exact, karena laci yang tengah ternyata kurang tinggi dikit untuk ukuran botol asi. Jadi harus pakai plastik asi. 
I used to be one of those militant asi mommy. Every mother designed to breastfeed, no excuse. Sempet cynical sama ibu-ibu yang keliatannya sehat fisik dan sehat finansial, tapi lebih memilih untuk memberi susu formula untuk bayi-bayinya. Tapi ternyata bukan cuma itu, aku juga cynical sama ibu-ibu yang dari kelas sosial menengah bawah dan memberi susu anak pakai botol (yang tentunya isinya susu formula dong ya, yang harganya mahal dan komposisinya tidak sebaik susu asi). 
Intinya, I got cynical to all kind of non-breastfeed mommies. 
Sekarang, aku tetap berusaha yang terbaik untuk bisa ngasih asi exclusive lagi. Kalau bisa, sampai dua tahun malah. Tapi kesadaran untuk t…

Jangan bilang siapa-siapa

21. 43

Baru aja selesai bacain cerita sebelum tidur buat Malicca. Kali ini judulnya 'Jangan bilang siapa-siapa' karangan Clara Ng. Ceritanya tentang seorang anak burung yang terlanjur berbohong sama ibunya lalu merasa enggak enak hati seharian. Akibatnya, untuk mengurangi kegundahan hatinya dia menceritakan kegalauannya itu kepada sebuah batu. Karena batu adalah pendengar yang baik, dan dia tidak akan bilang siapa-siapa.

Bacanya sih sebentar. Malam ini kayanya udah terlalu ngantuk jadi bocah nggak terlalu banyak komen (biasanya komen-komen soal gambar).

Selesai baca, kita ngobrol.

Titan pernah kaya gini nggak? Cerita sama batu? 

Pernah. Di depan kan ada banyak batu tuh di taman, itu banyak yang udah Titan ceritain lho Nda. 

Wah, rahasia apa? Bunda boleh tau juga, nggak?

Boleh, Tapi bunda jangan bilang siapa-siapa ya. 

Iya. Rahasia apa, sih?

Iya, Titan cerita kalau Titan pernah ... (off the record since it is a secret between me and malicca)

Ooooh hahahaha ... kenapa cerita sama batu? Ko…
Asyik, ada sudut baru di rumah. Letaknya di salah satu sudut di kamar. Pengennya sih buat nulis cerita anak atau bebikinan. Amin. 
Laci ini umurnya kira-kira tiga puluh tahunan, lho. Dulu, waktu TK ini adalah lemari bajuku dan sekarang jadi lemari bajunya Luna. Awalnya berupa laci polos, tapi kemudian aku tambahin handle stainless supaya lebih manis. 
Di kiri, ada lampu ikea kecil yang dibeli waktu jalan-jalan berdua Titan dua tahun yang lalu. Titan suka banget sama lampu ini, katanya selalu mimpi indah kalau tidur pake lampu ini *halahhh*
Sementara di dalam ember-emberan kaleng ada beraneka ragam post it yang berwarna-warni. Buat corat coret ide atau pengingat tanggal acara sekolah Titan (secara udah emak-emak ya, makan ginkobiloba pun kurang membantu).

Di sebelah kanan, ada si ayam betina cameo waktu aku dan Ariawan nikah. Ini ayam kebawa kemana-mana dan hampir di setiap foto ada sosok dia. Di bawah-bawahnya ada buku-buku fairy tales favoritku mulai dari Lewis Carol, Frank L. Baum …

The ode

Some people forget (or simply don't know) that most babies have androgyny faces, because every part of their faces are still developing. This is the reason why people feel they need to differentiate their baby's looks. So people recognise what gender their baby is. Sometimes they differentiate the gender with color coding clothes or many times by giving the baby girl a pair of earrings.

This is what happen to La Luna. She looks different everyday. Sometimes she looks girly, most of the times she looks boyish. This what made some people who met her thought she was a boy. Then they asked me why she didn't wear any earrings since she was a girl.

I mostly responded them with a glimpse of smile. If I am in a good mood to explain, I answered them with an empathy answer like "I'm a soft mama, I cannot stand her cry when she was being pierced." Not really an explaining answer, if they realise. It was even a lie.

Actually, it was more than that.

Ariawan and I decided …

If I get married someday

"Bunda, bunda dan bubu punya cincin nikah?"
"Punya."
"Nanti kalau Titan nikah, boleh pakai cincin nikahnya bunda sama bubu?" 
"Boleh, sayang." *speechless. surprised*
(One day when you were accompanying me do the grocery shopping at Carefour the other day)

Five things

While waiting Bubu for dinner and me nursing your little sister, we had this beautiful conversation in my bed room.

Malicca, let's play love and hate.
What's that?
Mention the five things you love and five things you hate.

Okay, and here are the five things you love (at this moment):

1. You love to draw
(well, obviously)

2. You love my phone and Bubu's tab
(you love to browse Titanic, whirlpool and plays Minecraft lately)

3. You love my bed side lamp and a pencil sharpener
(it was Ikea lamp, and you love sharpener because you can not have a blunt pencil. You just can't. I remember when your teacher told me that you often have your work unfinished just because you keep sharpening your pencil during the lesson like an OCD kid hahaha)

4. You love me
(yes, I know it and I love you too so very much)

5. I love adek La luna
(promise me you will be a good big brother and protect her, okay? :) )

Next was the five things you hate. 
It was even more interesting, because we had a big laugh discus…

Our alphabet date before bed

Hijrah

Sebenarnya saya masih agak kurang sreg dengan judul di atas. Tapi ya sudahlah, belum nemu kata atau kalimat yang pas, sementara pakai yang ini dulu :) 
Jadi, salah satu wishlist terbesar saya dan Ariawan adalah pindah dari Jakarta. Kenapa? Untuk kualitas hidup yang lebih baik dan energy yang lebih positif.  Lucunya, kami berdua cukup akrab dengan hidup berpindah-pindah sewaktu kecil. Walaupun enggak terlalu hippie sih. 
Saya lahir dan tumbuh di Jakarta. Umur 11, saya dan mamah ikut bapak pindah tugas ke Palembang. Umur 13, kami pindah lagi ke pangkal pinang (pulau Bangka). Sayang bapak cuma ditugaskan di sana selama 2 tahun di sana lalu kita semua kembali ke Jakarta. Sampai sekarang.
Saya masih ingat malam itu. Dengan sangat hati-hati bapak memberitahu saya yang baru kelas 5 tentang berita kepindahan kami ke Palembang. Dan saya masih ingat raut wajahnya yang berubah lega saat saya berteriak senang karena berkesempatan pindah dari Jakarta.
“Mau, Uwie pindah?” Tanya bapak. “Mauuuuu!” Ka…