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Now and Then

Little did I know about having a child (or more), is that the more they grow up the more hard-working the parent needs to be. 

When I was pregnant, I hope to give birth soon. After I gave birth, I got cranky I needed to breastfeed anytime anywhere. I complained I needed to wake up 4 or 5 times in the middle of the night. I hoped he would start weaning soon. After he reached 6 months and started eating solid foods, I got cranky for I needed to prepare his meal in three different menus for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Not to forget, some snacks. After that, I hoped he would walk soon. After he walked, I started cranky because I was too tired to catch him. And I hoped he would go to school soon. After he reached the school age, I started to wonder why there are so many more I had to do. I needed to wake up way earlier, prepare his lunch box, prepare his school projects and performances, birthdays, class party, parent-teacher meetings and much much more. 

There. There I wondered, why did I wish everything to move faster? Life was so much simpler when he was in my womb. He listened to me, he ate what I ate without complain, he never say no. On the breastfeeding era, wasn’t my life was way simpler as well? I didn’t need to cook, let alone of thinking what menu. Everything he needs is here, on my chest. Every time he gets hungry all I needed to do was unbutton my clothes and there, he would find his heaven in a heartbeat. By the time he was sleepy, he could sleep in my arms for he weighted no more than 10 kilos and I could just bring him anywhere I go. 

Imagine when he becomes ABG and smelly, college student and rebellious, wants to work as something people never knew before but doesn’t know what it is. Imagine the time when he is able to do everything I fuss about today. The time he would be able to overcome what I am worrying now and there will be so much more to worry about. 

Then I asked my self, again, why couldn’t I just enjoy the now moment? Now is way simpler than the future.

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love is love. marriage is another thing.

of all the things I ever wondered, ... I think I never wonder whom my kids will be married to. or to picture myself holding grand babies. not just a not yet, I think it is simply too hard to bear and too absurd to think of. but then I promise myself. I promise I will not ever push titan and luna to get married or even if they are married; I will not ask them when to have kids.

many times I wondered that marriage is overrated. and the only reason to get married is not love, but to realise life is too hard to bear when you are all alone. because, however, marriage is a conditional love. hubby once said, marriage is not all fancy and glitter. the lowest it can get is, to keep functioning and it will survive. how both parties can be functional one to another, is another story.

to ariawan, a guy of mine,
the one who always wake me up from my princessy dreams. love you.



Three hours late.

2 AM and I stepped in to the house. Hubby was waiting for me. This was not the first time, and not the latest hour I had ever experienced with over time.

"See you soon Bunda. Or at 8, or at 9, or at 10, or at 11 like you said you would be late." Said my son.

I smiled as I entered the house. I smelled home. I saw my beautiful mess. As I picked up some toys on the floor, I imagined what games the kids had played today. There was a drawing, mini ceramics pots, not too chaotic for kids who were left with nini and aki without nannies.

I also saw their time tables, with some check marks on the list. Those that they weren't checked was the responsibility to wash their own dishes. I saw some dirty cups piling up. I saw the microwave's door left half-opened, a baking sheet and a knife. I wonder what they have cooked.
I also saw minecraft was in active window and some search on youtube and google.

Getting home in this hour and not seeing their faces but seeing all the mess the…

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