wullie wullie

“Some people choose to keep running in circle. Every time a chance comes to break the circle, they respond it slowly as if the universe always runs as they expected it to be. When they missed the chance, they will say, “I did try my best, it is not meant to be mine.”

That was a thought I typed on my Path a few minutes ago. Not long after it was uploaded, my Whatsapp rang. “Was your status for me?” she asked. I said, “No, not at all. It was for all of us.”

Being a passive Twitterist, I noticed people in my timeline are just trashing most of the time. They made a rant about their unhappiness, or curses on twitter or many times, just a one-off buzz on the messenger leaving me a message like “I am bursting into tears now.” Or “I am so not happy.” Or “I want him, only him.” Or "What if this and what if that." – things I thought I would only found in the life of a teenager.

I sometimes wanted to slap them and said “You have been through nothing, bitch. Be strong, there are more …

Today, is not the first time my son gave me wild flowers that grow in the yard. He did this before, and the feeling of receiving something from your flesh and blood is amazing. Always amazing. He picked the weed flower himself and gave them to me. After that, he would ask me to put them in the little jar of water.

On another day, when we were about to sleep, he softly stroke my forehead. Exactly the spot in the center of my both eyes and told me to sleep. After that, he would kiss me good night and fell to sleep. 


On another lovely day, he would run across the room to me, bringing his drawing. Most of them were sketches of cars. Sometimes he drew the car in front of the house, under the stormy rain, on its way down the volcano, and sometimes he added me in his sketch. He always put me in skirt with red color. He said I am more beautiful if I wear skirt. Then he asked me to twist myself around like a ballerina and so my skirt would bloom like an umbrella. 
On another busy street or malls…

I did not finish my electone school I did not finish my violin school I did not continue my last level of English skill, CAE, with British Council certificate I haven’t started my sewing project, let alone of finishing it I did not continue my Bali dance lesson
I did not finish my meal sometimes
There are many other things in life I did not finish them. Despite of all responsible reasons or illogical because' that made me did them, still they are parts that shape me to become the person of who I am today.

But there is this one thing I love doing. Always doing. Luckily, has been giving me money for my family since twelve years ago. It is the only thing I had never take a course on or took a formal school. I just did and still doing it. 

Writing.
My first poem was about a banana tree and I got loads of laugh when reading it in front of my cousins. The second one was about mother’s day that I gave it to my mom and she did not even take a look at it. The next writings were in the form of a d…

Of all the moment of mommahood I have experienced, from pregnancy to baby and toddler times, ... all is wonderful. All is unforgetable and I don't mind to experience them again.

Now Malicca is 4 years and 9 months. I often heard that 4-5 years are the years of rebellious. When yes is a no, no is a yes, they would always say "I don't know" first on the top of all questions. It is the moment when asking them to do something is such  a production. "You can do it yourself", "Later on", "After these (I mean THESE), ... so yeah, ... it takes forever you ended up do it yourself. It is also the moment of asking WHY comes first. Why these, why that, how do you know? Who told you that? What are the proves you are saying things? Oh well ... it is the era of playing Devil's Advocate as well.

But come to think of it, this is the moment when I feel the most cute of all. The little womb who were in my tummy who I always took anywhere you went, the little …

Menyambut purnama ke lima kamu di Jakarta, kamu pasti masih mencoba untuk beradaptasi dengan kehidupanmu yang baru di sini. Dengan orang-orang yang baru, cuaca yang baru, iklim yang baru, politik dan etos kerja yang baru yang mungkin tidak pernah kamu temui sebelumnya.
Purnama ke lima, dan kamu bertanya apakah kamu yang menua. Kenapa? Karena semua jauh dari yang pernah terkira? Karena ternyata semangat dan keadaan fisikmu melorot jauh dibanding bayanganmu sebelumnya? Karena ion positifmu perlahan namun pasti terus dan terus bertabrakan dengan karbon monoksida yang kamu hirup setiap hari? Rasa eforia yang berserempetan dengan kemacetan di jalan dan ketidakefektifan meeting di setiap menit?
Dulu kamu bingung, kenapa Jakarta penuh dengan perselingkuhan. Saat itu, aku hanya terdiam. Dari orang kaya sampai bapak supir taksi pun ceritanya semua sama, pasangan mereka berselingkuh.
Tapi coba kamu pikirkan, berapa banyak waktu yang dihabiskan di luar rumah? Jauh jauh jauh lebih banyak daripada …

Hello, Saturday. It’s been a while since I last wrote you under the warm sunlight, upon the greeneries of my backyard. This is a silent Saturday, I must say. Not in a good sense, not in a bad sense as well. It is just the way it is.
My 32th year of circling the sun’s journey will end soon, it got me think that whoever mentioned that we cannot live the life like how we always want is brilliant and honest. Because it is true. In contrary, the more I don’t want to live the particular life is the more my life heading to. In that sense, I should stop expecting and judging and start living life with the eyes of a child.
Another thing I picked up is, that it is so hard to wish someone to change as hard as how hard to change our self is. Sometimes, even though people are different but they keep giving the same effect to us. Is it a good sense? Is it a bad sense? Well, it is not about good or bad, it is just the way it is.
If we die one day and by then we would have learnt our life thoroughly,…