wullie wullie

Ibu.

Hari ini aku berada di rumah. Padahal, tidak biasanya aku berada di rumah. Biasanya aku pergi ke kantor meninggalkan buah hatiku di rumah. Tampaknya, berada di rumah masih menjadi hal yang mewah untukku dan ternyata aku masih belum bisa menebusnya. Masih mimpi. 

Giliran aku berkesempatan ada di rumah, seperti hari ini, adalah ketika aku terpaksa harus berada di rumah. Kali ini karena sakit. Sedih sekali rasanya. Saat kesempatan itu ada, namun aku tidak memiliki tenaga untuk bisa berfungsi sebagaimana seharusnya. Tidak bisa menggendong satelitku karena lemas. Tidak bisa bermain karena terlalu lama berdiri pun aku sakit kepala. 

Cucian piring bertumpuk sebanyak tumpukan dedaunan di halaman. Mataku sepat melihatnya. Tapi apa daya tenaga terbatas. Ingin makan ini ingin makan itu, tapi berdiri menunggu jerangan air pun rasanya lemas. 
Sedih. Akhirnya aku tertidur menelan pusing. Mengusung mimpi yang masih terkungkung.

Anak.

Aha! Bunda ada di rumah hari ini. Aku senang sekali, tralala trili…

When life is more.
More than complaining about how you missed the midnight sale, or the iPhone 4s ridiculous price in Indonesia, or Jakarta’s traffic, or your meeting journey the whole day, or pencitraan on twitter, or your failed diet, lifestyle coffee and gym, or more than thinking of how to escape routines and problems.
When life is less.
Less judgemental, less wanting, less expecting. 
I miss those.

I used to write love letter to you, everyday. 
Maybe because that was all I could do. 
Then imagined the existence of you.
If I lucky, 
I would met you in my dream or had a slight vision of you.
Now, there are so many things I can do with you.
And I miss writing you again.  

But how can I write?
Letter H becomes a 'hug', 
U becomes 'us' 
and letter G becomes 'giggles' that can’t stop bursting from your lips.
How can I?

What is with falling down.
Can you avoid?
Or the question should be:
Should you avoid?

Why didn’t you let the wind tore you apart
Why didn’t you let your out loud scream choked you
Why didn’t you let yourself lost your senses
and let the hamster in your brain runs backward; giving you sceneries of the darkest nights

Isn’t nice to follow the gravity?
Isn’t it nice to think nothing but the deeper ground?

Crash. Crushed. Cursed.
Die.
Dust.
Naught.
It’s what you were, until you start over.

when you feel someone you love is hurting you, these might be the reasons why.

that they don't know what they're doing
or
they are doing things what they thought they have to do.

and someday, you would do the same thing too. can be to them or to other people you love. having said that, knowing all reasons might help us to understand. therefore, to forgive.

I am not english native, but I try to introduce english to my son.
Today, January 24th 2012, I heard his first line on the age of 4 years and 8 months:
"Malicca tummy is full."

Amazing how kid's brain connect things, including a sentence.

:)

Apa arti empat belas tahun? Dalam bentuk apapun, empat belas tahun tidaklah tergolong tua dan dewasa. Tapi tetap, sebuah waktu yang lama.

Jika ia menjelma menjadi sebuah pohon, batangnya tentu tidak terlalu besar untuk menahan badai. Tapi ia telah menemukan bentuknya dengan cabang-cabang utama yang menjulang ke atas dan ke samping mencari cahaya. Batang-batangnya lentur namun kokoh menopang bocah-bocah berayun. Dedaunannya menghijau. Kalau beruntung, ia telah berhasil menghasilkan dua atau tiga panenan. Untuknya, usia empat belas tahun mungkin belumlah apa-apa.

Lain lagi dengan anak ABG umur segituan. Lagi bau-baunya, lagi centil-centilnya, lagi pengen tau urusan orang dan kadang hal yang seharusnya belum tahu pun bisa jadi tahu. Baru mulai tumbuh bulu-bulu halus atau tonjolan-tonjolan di bagian tertentu. Usia labil tapi pengen eksis. Pengen eksis, tapi tertutup semua-mua dikasih password. Masa-masa ‘hayu ajah!’ Diajak nonton, hayu. Diajak bolos, hayu. Diajak nonton bokep, … apaan t…

Little did I know about having a child (or more), is that the more they grow up the more hard-working the parent needs to be. 
When I was pregnant and hoped to give birth soon. After I gave birth, I got cranky I needed to breastfeed anytime anywhere. I complained I needed to wake up 4 or 5 times in the middle of the night. I hoped he would start weaning soon. After he reached 6 months and started eating solid foods, I got cranky for I needed to prepare his meal in three different menus for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Not to forget, some snacks. After that, I hoped he would walk soon. After he walked, I started cranky because I was too tired to catch him. And I hoped he would go to school soon. After he reached the school age, I started to wonder why there are so many more I had to do. I needed to wake up way earlier, prepare his lunch box, prepare his school projects and performances, birthdays, class party, parent-teacher meetings and much much more. 
There. There I wondered, why did …