Three hours late.

2 AM and I stepped in to the house. Hubby was waiting for me. This was not the first time, and not the latest hour I had ever experienced with over time.

"See you soon Bunda. Or at 8, or at 9, or at 10, or at 11 like you said you would be late." Said my son.

I smiled as I entered the house. I smelled home. I saw my beautiful mess. As I picked up some toys on the floor, I imagined what games the kids had played today. There was a drawing, mini ceramics pots, not too chaotic for kids who were left with nini and aki without nannies.

I also saw their time tables, with some check marks on the list. Those that they weren't checked was the responsibility to wash their own dishes. I saw some dirty cups piling up. I saw the microwave's door left half-opened, a baking sheet and a knife. I wonder what they have cooked.
I also saw minecraft was in active window and some search on youtube and google.

Getting home in this hour and not seeing their faces but seeing all the mess they made today, somehow relieved me. As I cleaned them up, I felt like taking a detour of what happened today. As if I was there with them, and those are the reasons why I am smiling though I felt sleepy and tired.

"Sorry babies, I was three hours late. I will make up some other time."

love is love. marriage is another thing.

of all the things I ever wondered, ... I think I never wonder whom my kids will be married to. or to picture myself holding grand babies. not just a not yet, I think it is simply too hard to bear and too absurd to think of. but then I promise myself. I promise I will not ever push titan and luna to get married or even if they are married; I will not ask them when to have kids.

many times I wondered that marriage is overrated. and the only reason to get married is not love, but to realise life is too hard to bear when you are all alone. because, however, marriage is a conditional love. hubby once said, marriage is not all fancy and glitter. the lowest it can get is, to keep functioning and it will survive. how both parties can be functional one to another, is another story.

to ariawan, a guy of mine,
the one who always wake me up from my princessy dreams. love you.

www.thestorygoeshere-blog.tumblr.com 

october.

october is still in the beginning. it was wet and i could smell the fresh smell of the grass, even if it was not raining. october  used to be my favorite month. it was autumn, it was dry and the cold breeze can easily breaks my nose membrane and i got nose bleed. the day i found you.

it has been years ago. now i feel october in new breeze. this time, october felt a bit rush.

earliest october was the day of a mega pitch. three pitch presentations in a day. it was like our blood and flesh were torn apart preparing the whole things. one of the pitches was also one of the backbone clients, that also brought the feeling of having the pitch felt like a burden. i could not imagine how many cut offs there would be if we lose.

the second day, was also one of the biggest day for my son and also for me. the day my one and only son got circumcised. at his 9 years of age, he decided to surrender himself to one of the deepest pain in life. his cry resembled the day he lost his eyang and also resembled the night he missed his father when there were just the two of us. i took a hold on him. i hugged him tight and looked deep into his eyes. telling him to be patient and how proud i am to have such a brave kid like him. i could not see what the doctor did to his thing, i prefered to look just into his eyes. from the beginning to the end.

the eleventh day, would also be one of the big day. having a kid went to school everyday was already such a production. i just could imagine having two. but yes, i will.
little luna could wait to go to school. the day we got the acceptance letter, the swimming bag, the t-shirt, she wore them all together and handed out the letter i needed to sign. what would happen next, i could imagine. would she get cranky, would the separation anxiety rise, would she refused to have breakfast, would there be another imaginary friend coming out as a self defense just like titan did, would there be a problem since she is a kind of aggressive girl. oh boy, i really could not imagine.

i hope everything would be just fine. another steps to be a better mom, better parent and a better me.
bismillah.

dream.

perhatian, posting ini isinya tentang pamer ya. 

supershowoff. totally.

now, what is a dream?

mimpi, bisa jadi bunga tidur yang sering kejadian sama kita. tapi mimpi yang dimaksud saya di mimpi ini adalah sesuatu yang kita inginkan banget. yang sepanjang hari, sepanjang tahun, terus dikejar sampe kejadian. bukan cuma sekedar wishlist.

dulu, salah seorang pacar saya pernah bilang. mimpi ya mimpi, nggak perlu dikejar. kalau udah dikejar, namanya tujuan. saya harus bisa membedakan itu.

ah, ya ... bener juga sih itu. tapi kan nggak papa juga bilangnya mimpi, karena kadang kalau disebut tujuan tapi set up nya jauh banget dan tinggi banget, kesannya jadi berat banget. kalau mimpi kan kayanya ada kesan 'magical'nya kalau bisa kejadian.

now, what is my dream?

setelah dipikir-pikir, saya itu sama banget sama bapak saya. atau, mungkin memang didikan bapak berhasil banget nancep di kepala saya. saya inget banget, waktu kita-kita anaknya masih kecil, bapak sering bilang gini "bapak nggak akan ninggalin warisan apa-apa, tapi kalau kamu mau sekolah, apa aja, kemana aja, asal selesai, inshaa allah bapak usahain. bapak turutin."

pada akhirnya, anak-anaknya bisa sekolah di tempat yang pada masanya cukup diakui. kakak pertama saya bisa masuk arsitek trisakti yang pada tahun 1991 itu kayanya sekolah yang top banget. kakak ke dua saya bisa masuk ke sma taruna nusantara, yang juga pada saat itu jadi sekolah yang hangat banget diomongin anak-anak smp di seluruh indonesia. saya, alhamdulillah masuk sma favorit 68 walaupun bikin saya stres. kamudian, mampu ngebuang peluang masuk sastra ui tuh kayanya udah bangga banget. kenapa saya buang, ya? karena memang itu pilihan terburuk saya: sastra cina, demi kata-kata just-in-case saya termasuk mereka yang memiliki filsafat hidup 'gapapa jurusan apa aja, asal negri dan bergengsi.'

alhamdulillah, saya termasuk anak yang ngga kemakan gengsi. akhirnya saya masuk d3 komunikasi di ui dan nerusin ke s1 di jurusan yang sama.

sekarang, saya udah punya anak dan ternyata saya pengen banget anak-anak di sekolah yang paling bagus yang saya bisa usahain. yes, i am a great sucker of finding a great school. dari titan umur dua tahun, saya mulai rajin trial sekolah. tentunya, dengan mengeliminir sekolah-sekolah yang nggak saya mau tanpa harus trial. sekolah islam, misalnya. yang anak-anak tk nya udah suruh keliling ka'bah boongan demi belajar tawaf. atau sekolah swasta yang dengan ngaconya bilang sekolah internasional karena ada embel-embel ib atau cambridge. percayalah, sekolah internasional itu cuma sekolah-sekolah yang berada langsung di bawah pengawasan kedutaan negara yang dianutnya. kalau sekolah swasta biasa, mana boleh pakai kurikulum luar negeri plek ketiplek? kita cuma boleh mengadaptasi kurikulum dan sistem pengajarannya aja. gak boleh tuh ngasal main bilang sekolah internasional. kita cuma sekolah nasional plus, kacaw deh!

the best school. this is my dream number one. nothing beats this. 

kalau orang punya believe terhadap sebuah brand seperti apple, adidas, my tulisan, i am a great sucker of high scope. kalau ditanya kenapa, jawaban saya simpel banget. saya suka aturan mereka bahwa gak ada ketua kelas absolut yang memegang tampuk pimpinan sepanjang tahun. sekolah ini menganut visi bahwa setiap anak memiliki hak yang sama untuk berkembang. karenanya, ketua kelas di sekolah ini berganti setiap hari. dan dalam sehari, semua anak dapat tugas merawat kelas mulai dari nyusun daftar pelajaran, hapus papan tulis, nulis tanggal, bagiin piring, sendok, gelas saat makan. apapun. sekolah ini selalu menemukan cara untuk membagi tugas dan memastikan anak-anaknya menjalankan tugas tersebut dan merasa bahwa tugas mereka sama pentingnya dengan yang lain.

buat saya, filosofi ini indah. 

highscope juga nggak bohong. mereka ngaku bahwa mereka bukan sekolah internasional. kemudian, nggak ada uang-uang tambahan terselundup di dalam program-programnya. spp naik tiap dua tahun, dikemukakan sejak awal masuk.

sekolah ini juga penganut faham active learning, sampai termasuk soal bermain dan berkomunikasi secara nyata. karenanya, haram hukumnya siswa bawa handphone ke sekolah. penggeledahan random dilakukan secara berkala. jika ditemukan handphone, maka akan dirampas dan baru akan dikembalikan pada liburan kenaikan kelas mendatang.

buat saya, ini penting. 

walaupun kemudian setelah masuk selalu ada kekurangannya ya, dua hal ini saya ingat betul kalau ada yang bertanya kenapa saya memilih anak-anak untuk bersekolah di sana. well, selain lokasi yang juga dekat dari rumah dan pengenalan perencanaan sejak pendidikan dini lewat kurikulum plan - do -review, highscope di negara asalnya adalah sebuah institusi riset yang menekankan bahwa observasi, pengambilan kesimpulan dan penentuan sikap adalah penting, sepenting konsekuensi logis dari tiap tindakan.

pendidikan anak-anak ini yang kemudian jadi mimpi buat saya. jadi cambuk, bahwa anak-anak berhak untuk dapat kesempatan yang lebih baik dari saya. alhamdulillah, luna lebih beruntung nasibnya bisa mulai menyecap sistem sekolahan ini dari mulai paud. jaman titan, saya masih jadi single parent. dan bisa mengumpulkan uang untuk memasukkan dia ke sekolah ini dan membayar bulan demi bulan yang besarnya hampir sebesar cicilan rumah (lebih besar maksudnya hahaha), rasanya banggaaaa sekali. rasanya mungkin lebih bangga daripada bisa beli mobil cash!

walaupun, walaupun ya, masih belum terlihat hasilnya seperti yang saya bayangkan. mungkin karena ekspektasi saya terlalu tinggi.

walaupun, bundanya ini harus ngecrek nggak bisa beli tas dan sepatu branded, nggak bisa liburan jauh lagi dan gak bisa hias-hias rumah dengan instan. semua budgetnya udah buat investasi hidup. sekarang malah dikali dua hahaha.

jujur, kadang suka nyinyir juga. soal prioritas temen-temen yang punya gaji di atas 50 juta, tapi kok tega-teganya nyekolahin anak di sekolah yang spp-nya ratusan ribu doang. bukan berarti sekolah bagus nggak berarti mahal ya. saya yakin, di negara ini, jumlah sekolah alternatif berbanding terbalik dengan harga sppnya. tahu bahwa semua ada perhitungannya, financial planner pun setuju bahwa biaya pendidikan masih bisa sampai platform maksimal 30% dari seluruh pendapatan.

so yeah, this is my dream. one of them. semoga nggak berhenti sampai di sini, semoga bisa kejalanin. amin!

sorry.

dear titan, 

one day when you were 9 years old, i found this letter at the office. 

you put it in between my laptop. 

i startled. 

i felt ... sad. 

if only you knew, 

every mothers in the whole wide world will always forgive their children. 

so that they won't have to ask forgiveness again and again. 

so that they won't have to kneeled-down just to ask one. 

as much as mothers will want you to learn from your mistakes, 

we don't really want you to make ones. 

because your mistake means our failure in raising you. 

but all in all, 

i am proud of you. 

it is not easy to ask forgiveness.

but i somehow know, 

your forever-child-heart will make you one of the most courageous man alive. 

love you, 

you know i always do. 

... because now is all there is.

Titan & Luna,
hari ini bunda bangga banget sama kalian karena bisa menerima kekecewaan dengan lapang. Selain karena minimnya ATM, kegagalan terutama berasal dari perencanaan yang kurang OK.

Yang diniatin hari sabtu ini sebenarnya cuma bikin pas foto buat Luna sekolah. Setelahnya, baru ke galeri nasional demi ngintip pameran lukisan istana. Namun oh namun ternyata semua-mua jadi mulur dan akhirnya sampai Galeri Nasional udah antri banget dan enggak mungkin juga kita masuk karena pas giliran kita pasti galerinya udah harus tutup saking panjangnya pengunjung. Bundanya kecewa, kakak titan juga. Tapi kita kan gengsian, jadinya menolak pulang demi menghibur hati yang terlanjur sakit.

Setelah gagal ngintip pameran lukisan istana di galeri nasional, akhirnya kita memutuskan ke Monas. Tadinya mau ke Ragusa, tapi knowing Luna punya amandel dan matahari lagi terik banget; jadi enggan untuk ke sana. Padahal udah kebayang kerupuk mie yang disiram bumbu asinan dan sate yang nongkrong di depannya.

Alhamdulillah sampe sana matahari udah rada-rada ngumpet di balik awan. Kakak Titan pengen banget naik ke atas Monas, padahal udah pernah juga ya. Bundanya ini umur 36 tahun malah belum pernah. Ndelalah antri banget juga dan bakalan tutup jam 5 sore. Kakak Titan kembali kecewa. Ditambah lagi, bunda dan bubu baru nyadar bahwa kelupaan mampir ke ATM dan uang seada-adanya aja di dompet. Itu juga dompet bubu, dompet Bunda mah udah lemes banget kaya kupu-kupu.

Akhirnya Luna dan Titan lari-lari aja di lapangan rumput luas di depan Monas. Lari dan lari dan lari, sampai Bunda kasih tau tips lari-lari paling enak di rumput adalah dengan kaos kaki tebal. Akhirnya kakak lepas sepatu dan lari lebih kencang lagi. Luna sibuk kejar-kejar kakak, ... sampai akhirnya ada patroli yang menyuruh kita keluar dari lapangan rumput. Aneh ya.

Akhirnya kita duduk-duduk aja di pinggir lapangan, begitu pak polisi hilang, anak-anak lari-larian lagi di tengah. Karena ini negara aneh, ada lapangan rumput kok ya nggak boleh diinjak, ya jangan ikut anehlah. Itulah kenapa Bundanya ini akhirnya memperbolehkan anak-anak lari-larian walau dilarang. Di menara Eiffel aja orang bebas mau ngapain aja. Jemuran sambil telanjang juga boleh. Lagian kan kita enggak seperti orang kebanyakan yang buang sampah sembarangan atau pake selop yang hak-nya ngerusak taman. Kalau masih dimarahin juga, secara ini Indonesia ya, mari kita selesaikan dengan cara Indonesia: bayar! (Gaya banget deh, padahal gak ada uang juga di dompet, kan).

Hampir Maghrib, kita pun pulang. Pak polisi nggak berhasil ngejar anak-anak ha ha ha! Di jalan pulang, Luna inget lagi sama janji bunda-bubunya untuk mengizinkan naik perahu naga di taman hiburan mini di pintu masuk Monas. Jreng-jreng, tiga puluh ribu pun keluar demi perahu naga. Untung masnya baik, karena lagi sepi pengunjung; anak-anak dibolehin naik 2 rit. Padahal, Luna udah teriak-teriak minta turun karena takut hahaha! Setelah itu, kita beli minum yang ternyata hanya bisa pakai e-moneynya Mandiri. Semua warung di sana, juga harus pakai e-money. Dengan baca Bismillah, e-money Bubu bisa beli 1 Aqua dan 1 Teh Pucuk. Berbagilah kita berempat minum gantian dari botol.

Dalam hati sempat membathin juga, tapi akhirnya diputuskan untuk diomongin aja di depan anak-anak.

"Titan, Luna, hari ini kita prihatin ya main-mainnya. Bunda dan Bubu uangnya terbatas jadi kita harus itung-itung banget mau beli apa aja. Kita harus bersyukur, karena kejadian kaya gini jarang-jarang kejadian. Kebayang ya orang-orang yang nggak punya uang untuk jalan-jalan."

Di mobil, kita pun kembali deg-degan. Lupa harus bayar parkir ... jreng-jreng!

Month 5 day 10

Never crossed my mind that I would love working in havas and slide the chance visiting cupertino again in september. I think i am ready to settle down though the boredom starts creeping me out lately.

Today is the fifth month since i got back to work. It is the day for my performance review before the contract put an end in another 30 days. Today, i proved myself that being a leader I expect myself to be; was not easy after all. Maybe i am not a good one. Even far from good. far from how i set my standard in the beginning. To me, being a leader is to lead by example. Being a leader is to groom people i have now to be a champ, not by recruiting the champs. I don't ask much. I only want to see a goodwill, a willingness to be better that eventually, will prove. I don't like being pushy.

So I did what I thought it would take to be a good leader,  to be the one I expected myself to be.
Now I know it hurts me to see them failed. It crushes me inside to see them took the chance for granted.

Month 2 Day 5

Ternyata, 

cuma butuh waktu 2 bulan 5 hari 

untuk bisa bikin mengumpat lagi ha ha ha! 

Dulu, saya sering banget mengumpat. Mulainya sih pas udah kerja aja, saat udah merasa cukup 'gede' untuk nunjukin kuasa. Sebenernya sih karena jadi terbiasa aja, karena teman-teman suka mengumpat jadilah suka ikut mengumpat. Apa aja yah kata-kata umpatan saya ...
Tae, ah!
Kampret!
Dammit!
Shit!
Bencong!

Ya, ... mayan banyak ya ternyata.

Kalau saya bisa ingat kapan mulai suka mengumpat, saya juga ingat kapan mulai menghentikan kebiasaan jelek itu. Gara-garanya, pas ketemu ariawan setelah dia pulang dari pergi jauh. Sampai akhirnya kita menikah, cuma dia yang selalu ingetin saya kalo swearing itu nggak baik dan dia nggak suka sama orang yang suka mengumpat. Kadang suka defense sih, bahwa umpatan-umpatan saya itu cuma ekspresi, bukan maksutan untuk menyumpahi. Bahkan bos-bos expat di kantor pun sering banget shat shit shat shit dan fak fuk fak fuk sama orang. Tapi terus dia cerita, seumur-umur dia kerja dan sekolah di sana-sini, belum pernah dia temui orang bule yang ngasal shat shit shat shit atau fak fuk fak fuk sama orang. Karena kata kata effin' itu udah tingkatan yang sangat tidak sopan, dan yang ngomong kata itu pun dipertimbangkan sebagai orang yang tidak berpendidikan.

Lah, terus? Apa cuma orang iklan aja ya, yang menganggap fak fuk shat shit itu biasa? Is it a trend, maybe? Biar dibilang kekinian? Atau biar dibilang orang bebas?

Yang jelas sih saya sempat berhenti mengumpat. Ndelalah kok ya cuma butuh waktu 2 bulan 5 hari untuk mengumpat lagi di depan suami gegara arloji saya pecah karena si mas yang mengganti baterai enggak bener kerjanya.

Bangke! Kata saya.
Pak suami langsung ngeliatin.

Oops!

Happy Birthday, Bapak!

He is my possible hero.
His tummy is flat and he drives.
He takes a little exercise with his 3 kilo barbell as he rocks his rocking chair.
He trains his brain memorizing surah in the holy Qur'an and go to the mosque every adzan.
He takes Luna for a bicycle ride almost every morning. A long distance, seriously.
He teaches Titan to climb a tree.
He was a basket ball player, was a pilot, was a policeman, and forever fisherman.
He said yes all his might, he says no when he can't.

He is my possible hero.
He is my dad.

Happy sweet seventy, Bapak.
Lot's of love and pray for your health and happiness.
This year, we celebrate it in the town where you were born.

The point of no return.

I think I have forgotten the last time I planned my life. So are thinking of things (material things) and the urge of having them like branded stuffs, luxurious vacations and great gifts for my love ones. Either because of the aging things, the things happened in my life that made me this way, or somehow my significant others who affected me somehow, someway. But for sure, I kind of lost that big chunk of me. The chunk that drives me to the upper ground and bloom when the weather is good.

I have been hibernating. I have been keeping myself underground for the reasons I made up, and I lost many chances because of it. I am not regretting it. I love and enjoyed it so very much.
Well, who doesn't?

I woke up with baby smell every morning. I can hug her every time, sing with her, bath with her, and everything. I worked for a super sexy brand once in a while that took me abroad. I read some books, I had massages very often, I had some holidays with family more than ever, ... a super lux life that ever happened to me.

But then the big question rose. So, what am i? A full time mother? Well, to be honest ... not really. I didn't cook much. I didn't clean up much. I didn't do much and I didn't go out much. So, am I just a lazy lady? Those who uses husband's money to be alive?

I always know, the life itself is like a seismograph. There is no way in life something would happen out of your pattern all of a sudden. There must be some signs, some intros some personal guts before the climax strikes. And anyways, I got the best experience by being so very picky in my hibernation times.

A best friend of mine said her answer when I wondered about the situation. "Just enjoy, when the time comes, it comes." Ariawan, being so logical like he always does, only said "To make a change, you need power. You need energy, like boiling water need a fire. You were just lacking of energy now and since you are fully hibernated, you think that you are ready to get back." and I am thank you for that, dear husband. I know I always have your support to do whatever I want in life, though somehow it ticked my pride too when I saw how big his willingness is to give all his have for me. For us. It was also hurt my pride too to see how passionate he was in doing everything he did, though he did not sleep for three weeks for the past projects. All in all, it was not about giving all he has for others. It was about giving all his might to himself.

I think my hibernation will be over soon. I sense the sun is coming up (again and again), giving me chances like it always did. It is just different now. Well, not so different afterall. I have been in most situations and I survived. I am proud of myself for going through this far.

Fighting!

It hurts, son.

What do you see when you see your child?

I can still remember his first cry.
Soft and weak, I almost lost my breath when I kissed him the first time.
He was the one who saved my life, one day in a misty night.
I can still remember how he got stuttered when I taught him how to read.
The feeling when he gave me little flowers, those he found on his evening walk.
The first time he led a prayer.
How he was proud of me and showed it off to his school friends.
How I see big things sparkling in his eyes, those times when everything is big things.

But then that day came.
The day I never thought it would happen soon.
The day he deceived me.

It did not take long for me to realize he is lying.
But I must say he is good.
Everyone is good when it is about self defense, aren't they?
And seeing that, I cannot tell how hurt I was.

"I am your mother, how could you lie to me?"
"I should be the one who protects you, why are you protecting yourself from your protector?"
"Where did you get the idea from? Did you pick it from me to be the best liar?"
Those were what comes to mind but I did not utter.

There I realize that my baby boy has all grown up in another step.
He is completely human with his shields to protect himself.
My little guy he is.
He is not an angel, afterall.


Malicca, you learnt best to survive by lying at the age of 8 years and 9 months.

Dream.

We need to have dreams.
You know,
something to keep us alive.
Something to look forward of what's in front.

They said.

Ever since, I kept wondering what my dreams are.
I kept looking.
I kept asking.

Until I saw you were dreaming that night
and said my name out loud.
I smiled.

I don't need a dream.
I am happy enough to live a life someone is dreaming about.

I am a happy mother

Today, I was tagged to post five photos that shows how happy I am as a mother on Facebook. I saw this post yesterday when a friend was being tagged too. I felt nothing. I did not even take a closer look of the photos she posted. Never expected I would be tagged such a thing, but I was.

After finished answering the challenge, i asked myself whether I am really happy being a mother who stays at home at the moment. It took me sometimes to answer.

For the past months, I have been looking for a chance to get back to the office. Some chances come, but none of them I could be sure of. Then I realised, it was not them who I was not sure of. It was me. I only made too much excuses just to translate how I don't want to leave my life today. How those offers cannot compensate the happiness I am bearing at the moment.

Somehow, I know I am being selfish.
But hey, after what I have done ... can't I be one?

I love to be in the pajama all day. I woke up, made some breakfast, take my baby girl to shower, teaching her all the things I know in life, talking endless to my son, texted hubby to come early, I am still enjoying it somehow.

***

"I often come upstairs in the middle of the night just to see whether you were okay, son. I tugged you in the blanket, I slept beside you and whispered all the good words I know for you to be. Do you know that?"

"I know. Last night you talked about how healthy you wanted me to be, right?"

"O, yes. I thought you were sleeping."

"I was. But I could hear your voice."

"Oh, then it is easier to talk to you in your sleep. Because you usually did not listen even when your eyes wide out."

And my big boy hugged me. I know he was sorry, I know he loves me much, I know he loves me being at home. Seeing her brother hugged me, little Luna came along and kissed me. On the lips, like always.

There.
And I am happy to see my children happy.
Then I know I am a happy mother.

I dedicate this post to my sister Yuniar, thank you for tagging me.

Doubled visions.

I experienced the double visions lately. A little accident occurred and needed to have a doctor put a medicated soft lense to heal the cornea faster. Only for a few days.
Hopefully,
my eye gets better,
visions get clearer,
and I am becoming wiser.

Hahaha.

And then I felt funny. I felt everything indeed has double standards.
About what the norms says, what we believe in, what we feel, what we think, nothing is really fixed anyways.

And then I felt the world is slowing down. Suddenly I have much time to do many things. To pray longer, to take care what I have left behind, to say hi to an old friends, to be eager to wait for my kids to do my instructions (if you don't want to call them 'orders' ha ha!).

And then I felt lucky for my life. I felt so blessed surrounded by people who loves me and their persistence to stick around.

Alhamdulillah.

Everyone is facing a battle we don't know.

Pagi hari waktu mau berangkat kerja, sebenarnya badan udah ngilu-ngilu enggak enak dari malamnya. Tapi, teman-teman bilang itu cuma sindrom kerja. It happens all the time. Khususnya, setiap habis liburan. Padahal, di kerjaan ini aku cuma dikontrak 10 hari. Masa iya masih harus punya sindrom juga, padahal udah libur 2 tahun?

Briefing pun berjalan lancar. Alhamdulillah koneksi internet hari ini bersahabat. Telecon dengan 5 negara enggak menemui gangguan apapun selain gangguan konsentrasi; karena team leader di ujung sana mukanya mirip banget sama matt damon. Sigh, ... aren't i too old for this hahaha.

Asik-asik kerja, badan tiba-tiba menggigil. Kirain cuma masalah ac aja. Dengan malu hati, dikeluarinlah wind breaker yang biasa dipake naik ojek jadi penghangat tubuh di ruangan itu. Tentunya, ... enggak stylish banget. Warna turquoise gonjreng juga bikin orang nengok dan bertanya "kedinginan???" ... "Bingiiiiiiits" jawab aku.

Jam 4 sore, udah bener-bener enggak tahan lagi. Segera manggil kamen rider kesayangan alias bang iwan ojek yang untungnya, segera datang. Karena enggak tahan dengan dinginnya kantor, akhirnya aku memilih untuk nunggu di halte pinggir jalan aja. Yap, masih dengan pakaian lengkap dong. Udahlah pakai kaos tangan panjang, long vest, plus wind breaker.

Bang Iwan pun ngebut, demi mencapai apotik terdekat dari rumah untuk beli obat. Di kepala yang udah berat banget ini plus ditambah beban helm, udah jelas mau beli apa. Obat dewa aku cuma cefixime dan pantozol.

Begitu sampai apotik, tanpa lepas helm aku langsung lari ke kasir penerimaan resep. Tapi di sana ada bapak tua yang lagi galau memilih obat. Demi rasa hormat karena dia udah datang duluan, aku tunggu dengan sabar. Bapak itu banyak tanya-tanya, salah satunya bertanya tentang obat platogrik. Aku terhenyak. Oh, itu kan obatnya mamah. Dari situ aku langsung menguping.

Rupanya, platogrik terlalu mahal buatnya. Mungkin, harus dikonsumsi jangka panjang jadi harus dipikirkan konsistensinya. Kemudian si bapak bertanya tentang isi, miligram, merk lain, alternatif ini dan itu. Menelfon, konfirmasi ini dan itu, ada kali setengah jam. Sementara kepala udah beraaat banget. Tapi bapak itu mengingatkan sama orang tuaku juga. Mungkin, eh ... pastinya, ini yang terjadi juga sama mereka. Sakit di masa tua, sedih banget rasanya. Harus mengkonsumsi obat jangka panjang yang sudah enggak lagi ditanggung kantor. Enggak terasa tiba-tiba malah jadi nangis. Rasa amarah dan ketidaksabaran tiba-tiba hilang aja gitu.

I was totally sick. I had a fever for 39,6. I felt bad. But I thank god, I did not make myself even worse by getting angry for the old man. Indeed, everyone is facing a battle we don't know.

Just be nice.
Hope I can always be a nice person. A nice daughter.

Anak perempuan antar ayah ke dokter. Rapinya si ayah.

Anak perempuan antar ibu ke dokter. Pakai kaos kaki warna warni. 

Quote

2016 has just begun, I picked up a quote which I believe gonna be my best quote for 2016.

My friend wrote this for his wife on facebook. 

"Do you have band aid? 

My knees scraped falling for you." 

2015.

I had a cheeky life in 2015, and I thank God for that.
Not really peachy, but even if there was hassles; I think I have forgotten all the problems that occurred and managed to get by anyway.

However, the cheeky life can be highlighted in some points:

2015 was the year of finding jewels in high school. 
I met my extracurricular friends and did a reunion. It was funny to have the love story among us finally revealed. great. The reunion went warm and sweet and full of laughter as we came with our kids and acted out like we were still in high school.

Life also happened to let me find my besties, also from high school, back in to a whatsapp group. It happened to be a support system for us. One is a lawyer, one is a fashion designer and a beauty editor, one is an ex banker and is now having her own cakery, one is an odapus volunteer and, ... me. It was great to have so many different point of views when discuss one particular problem. And I realised it once again, that every one is facing a battle we do not know. That my life is much much much luckier than anybody else.

Alhamdulillah.

2015 was the year of holiday. 
Our family had three holidays this year and we managed to take Nini and Aki to two of the journeys. Not a luxurious holiday; but they were enough. Enough to make us happy and recharged.

2015 was the year of trying things I never had before. 
Never came up my mind to watch korean dramas or watch the Twilight saga. I felt ridiculous, but it was not bad afterall. Still downloading more dramas up to this day hahaha.

2015 was the year grieving.
When Luna was about two years old, she starts having undefined fever like... almost every month. Despite of all the good things happened, half of 2015 was spent for being worry as well. We went for doctor hopping and hopefully, gladly, we have found the best one for now.

Malicca lost his eyang too. It was one of the saddest moment in his life that I realized he is such an introvert and sensitive kid.

All in all, 2015 was so humble and content. I think it is good for me to keep the three points for 2016. And to add with: be more productive.

Happy new year, everyone!