wullie wullie

just went down the stairs to see him.
kinda miss my guy.
but of course, i have that big pride to say it *palm face*
and so i brought him a bowl of apple and warm toast with melted cheese inside.
i saw him sipped the ginger tea i made for him previously.
he has been working late.
much as always.

before our life now, i ever had a dream of us.
that we sat together on a couch.
me busy watching the telly and he got busy with his laptop.
as what is happening now.
i had those dreams (literally) a lot back then.
me and him.
as our path united, the dreams started to fade and becomes reality.
he was obviously the antidote.
he keeps my astral. he keeps me sane and throw away my anxiety when i sleep.

he is one of the passionate person i know.
he knows what he wants, full of determination but has a great faith of destiny.
when he fails, he just stops to start again.

he waited me for fourteen years.
the only thing if i ever have to repeat life, this is the thing i don't want to.
even if it is…

Akhir-akhir ini, sering kepikiran soal masa pensiun. Saya bekerja sekitar 13 tahun. Kalau dihitung usia pensiun dari umur 55 dan saya hidup sampai umur 80 tahun, berarti ada 25 tahun masa pensiun yang harus saya biayai. Itu kalau saya berhenti bekerja di umur 55. Karena saya berhenti bekerja di umur 34, maka jumlah tahun tidak produktif saya menjadi 25 ditambah 21 tahun.

Yep, 46 years in total.

Tinggal berdekatan bersama orang tua yang sudah belasan tahun pensiun, sedikit banyak membuka mata saya. Hidup di usia tujuh puluhan dan bersahabat dengan suplemen. Melihat anak-anak beranak pinak dan ikut memikirkan masalah mereka yang semakin pelik; lebih pelik daripada memikirkan mau memilih sekolah dimana saat mereka kecil dahulu. Kebosanan yang amat sangat ketemu pasangan terus menerus dan berdiam di rumah berzaman-zaman (bukan lagi berjam-jam). Belum lagi perasaan sensitif karena post-power symdrome, jadi melihat segala sesuatu termasuk kritikan menjadi negatif dan menyalahkan diri sendir…

I think,
one of the bless for a wife is to have a husband who will eat anything she cooks for him.
Imagine if you have to take another complaints after hours of cooking and clean up all the dirty utensils after you cook. What even more hurting is when he doesn't touch the food at all.
Aw, it is so rude!

Since Ariawan changed his eating habit to food combining, I must say that I am a little bit out of hands. Morning is easy. Lunch is a bit tricky. But dinner, is the hardest part because I need to vary my recipes of cooking animals. The two legged animals are boring, the four legged animals are hard to bite (because I don't have pressure cooker) and those with fins are smelly.

I managed to bake the fins tonight, anyway. Tasted so so, hubby and kids did not look excited but they ate it anyway. Need to try harder next time.

Having a house is a forever commitment. After ten years, we finally managed to have a kitchen and dining table just as we wish for it to be. The colour, the organizing (yes! I managed myself to declutter all those stuffs!) the stool and the dish dryer rack I have been searching for quite sometimes; I found it in coincident.

It five boxes out to declutter.
I am proud of myself how I can live less in the kitchen.
I am happy.

Suppa happy!

Kinfolk. What Kinfolk?
My house is so way way way out of monochrome.
Sometimes I wanted its kind of style. But real life gives me much colors. That means drawings of my kids and the wall for them to show off.

I cannot stand 'cold' and 'clean' settings.
I think it is not ... organic.
It is so ... pretentious.

The house I am living now, a bestie said that it is so me.
Oh well, ... who else can it be?
Hubby always say, do whatever you wish for them to be.

I am a blessed mother.  Sometimes I am afraid that it is too much and I will expect so much more.  Sometimes I am afraid I cannot bear the disappointment. 
I am raising such a gentle boy.  The one who communicates really well since he was a toddler.  The one who took care of me really really well when there was no one but just the two of us.  The one who seals my mouth when he was being sarcastic, ... he got it from me. 
God knows how much the love I have for you. 

Kali ke dua mencoba menyapih Luna. Malam ini tepat malam ke tujuh Luna bisa bobo malam tanpa nenen. Perlahan mulai hilang crankynya, walau masih kebangun tengah malam mencari sudut kenyamanannya di dadaku.

Ternyata benar, menyapih itu butuh kekuatan dan keberanian bagi keduanya. Like it takes two to tango, masing-masing saling menguatkan. Terima kasih pada alam, yang membuat semua ini terjadi. Karena kalau enggak ada edisi muntah-muntah lagi seperti Juli lalu; mungkin saat ini Luna masih nenen juga.

Aku enggak pernah nge-set timing kapan Luna harus berhenti menyusu, karena seperti yang pernah aku ceritain di sini beberapa bulan lalu; kegiatan ini sama-sama menyenangkan buat kita berdua. Jadi mau sampai 3 tahun atau 4 tahun pun aku enggak keberatan. Tapi, terima kasih sama dokter rossie yang mengingatkan, kalau umur 3 tahun fase oral harus sudah selesai. Itu artinya, fase nenen dan coba-coba semua masuk ke mulut udah harus selesai. Luna sudah harus bisa dididik untuk berhenti itu semua…

Nini cerita, sepulang sekolah tadi Aki langsung memeluk Titan.

"Titan, aki minta maaf ya semalam marah-marah ngajarin Titan. Abis Titan sih, kalau diajarin tuh yang fokus dong. Titan maafin aki, enggak?"

"Iya Ki, Titan maafin aki kok."


Selang beberapa waktu kemudian ... 

"Bunda, Titan udah temenan lagi sama aki."

"Oh ya?"

"Iya, aki sudah minta maaf sama Titan."

"O gitu, bagus dong. Trus Titan maafin enggak?"

"Iya dong, masa orang udah minta maaf enggak dimaafin."


Men of my life. How I love them. 

Seringkali kita berdoa meminta kemudahan, 
tapi kita lupa meminta kekuatan untuk melaluinya.
Seperti halnya kita sering berdoa agar diberi petunjuk, 
tapi kita lupa berdoa untuk diberi kemampuan 'membaca' petunjukNya.