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as the moon is fading out

this ramadhan, was the only ramadhan i hardly catched up with.
i feel so ... so sad, since i still have my mom and dad here for sahur and breakfasting, and i did not appreciate the bless. i only had two family breakfasting in total. i mean 'real' breakfasting when we all sat together, had the long pray and enjoyed the meal with all our heart.
the rest, are just compulsory.

dad would most likely break his fasting in hurry because he needed to go to the mosque. hubby was still in the office most of the times. mom got super tired and her appetite to breakfasting had already running out as she cooked the meal the whole day. so the adult was only me, with an empty heart.

too bad.

i started the ramadhan with a meeting with the client that left me dizzy the whole day and made me vomit just in time: twenty minutes before the breakfasting time *lol* it has been a while since i had to stand in the sun (i rode ojek) while fasting, and maybe i am just simply too old for jakarta's traffic.
luckily the meeting went well and gave me a little hope of something new.

few days later, i got typhoid. four days later after i got infected, titan got infected too. the day after was my mom, and a few days later was luna. i felt super exhausted to take care of my own and my children. poor my mom i could not take care of her. poor luna, since i got busy taking care of titan and mom got sick as well, nobody took care of her and she got sick too.

the third week of the ramadhan was filled with the obligation of finishing the hampers project for bebikinan. titan was so very kind, he helped me out. now he can assist me from measuring the ingredients to stirring the caramel. BIG YEAY! i never know where this small business will go to, but we expand our effort and possibilities wider and wider as it goes. because i know, god has everything written and for the time being this is the best we can do and i am so grateful.

the fourth week of ramadhan was filled with hampers delivery (yeap, the most frustrating part), did some paperwork and last but not least, preparing luna's birthday! YEAAAAAAAY!

my girl is not a toddler anymore! she is now in the phase of 'the terrible two' ... oh how i wish the phase won't be terrible at all. but yes, she threw tantrums a lot these days and i must tell you that

IT.WAS. TERRIBLE.

she hit, she screams, she rolled on the floor and i was not used to deal with this kind of child. she was so strong this could last for two hours. the weaning project was a total failure because when i managed myself to wean her for two days (yes i almost happy to the max), she threw the biggest tantrums on the third day and left me drained. i was super tired i got slept (while she was still crying and nagging) and found out she was breastfeeding without my notice as i woke up.

i felt stupid and hillarious *lol*
and so, she got back to breastfeeding up 'till now *la ... lala ... la .. laaaaa*

as she turns two, i also noticed a little change that luna enjoys playing with her dad more than she plays with me. maybe because she got the indisputable boredom phase looking at my face and the this and that rules hahaha. hence, this gave me a slight slot of time to read a book or play more often with titan or simply enjoy myself when i take shower.

more about luna will be on the separate post, i promise you.

so here i am now, on the last day of ramadhan and having period, wishing you a wonderful long holiday and a forgiveness for any mistake and misleaded thoughts on this blog. have a joyful moments with your family. me myself, will try to refill my heart little by little with all the happy thoughts.

assalamu'alaikum :)

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love is love. marriage is another thing.

of all the things I ever wondered, ... I think I never wonder whom my kids will be married to. or to picture myself holding grand babies. not just a not yet, I think it is simply too hard to bear and too absurd to think of. but then I promise myself. I promise I will not ever push titan and luna to get married or even if they are married; I will not ask them when to have kids.

many times I wondered that marriage is overrated. and the only reason to get married is not love, but to realise life is too hard to bear when you are all alone. because, however, marriage is a conditional love. hubby once said, marriage is not all fancy and glitter. the lowest it can get is, to keep functioning and it will survive. how both parties can be functional one to another, is another story.

to ariawan, a guy of mine,
the one who always wake me up from my princessy dreams. love you.



Three hours late.

2 AM and I stepped in to the house. Hubby was waiting for me. This was not the first time, and not the latest hour I had ever experienced with over time.

"See you soon Bunda. Or at 8, or at 9, or at 10, or at 11 like you said you would be late." Said my son.

I smiled as I entered the house. I smelled home. I saw my beautiful mess. As I picked up some toys on the floor, I imagined what games the kids had played today. There was a drawing, mini ceramics pots, not too chaotic for kids who were left with nini and aki without nannies.

I also saw their time tables, with some check marks on the list. Those that they weren't checked was the responsibility to wash their own dishes. I saw some dirty cups piling up. I saw the microwave's door left half-opened, a baking sheet and a knife. I wonder what they have cooked.
I also saw minecraft was in active window and some search on youtube and google.

Getting home in this hour and not seeing their faces but seeing all the mess the…

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