The last day of 2014

i am not the kind of person who make new year's resolution. maybe because i know those would only be plans. maybe because i have learnt, that if you want something; you would have did it already.

i am the kind of person who prefer to reflect, or make reviews of what i have gone through.
like today, the last day of the year 2014.

two thousand and fourteen has been generous. it gives me experience being a full-time mom. it has been luxurious, though i struggled for quite sometimes. now i can enjoy it better. i start to have the acceptance of me not being updated or less exposed with news. i start to accept the single income situation and have become the expert of cutting off budgets and wish-lists.

when you don't know, things are much simpler. 

two thousand and fourteen has been a detour of my parenting style. has been a not-so-cool mom , because i have just realised there are so many things i have missed in nurturing and growing titan and la luna yet i tried to catch up within a short period of time.

and it was not good. 

about chances, two thousand and fourteen has given me the chance to achieve what every mothers in the world dream of: working in pajamas. i also had the chance to start my own small home industry, and it has been a great growth.

dream comes true? or dreams are about to be made?

about time, two thousand and fourteen gave me a major turn-over about the time for myself. the time to browse internet, to have a long-hour lunches, long-chat with strangers and close friends; the time i had been having for 34 years. last year i learnt to surrender myself to pieces. to listen and do things at the same time. saying the same thing over and over, almost every day, almost every hour. i miss me, to be honest. but me is what i have for the rest of my life.

worry, i should not. there is time for everything.  

two thousand and fourteen was also the year of thorough contemplation and what-if wonders about retirement. twenty years from now will not be a long time, and i have not prepared it. thus, these topic links back to the parenting detour: that i don't want to create hassles for my kids during my old days. i want to be independent with independent income, and so i can enjoy my retirement and my children can enjoy their time building their own families and their personal agendas.

amien to that. 

so yes,
i hope 2014 has brought you good too and i am sure the best are yet to come in 2015.
happy new year!

The last sunrise of 2014, taken from titan's window. 

sometimes, you do what you have to do.
sometimes, with no reason. you just have to.
then after you did it, you found something new.
that the new thing you did, turned out to be the answer of problems that you had.

life, uh?
answers never come straight to your nose.

have you found yours?

Bunda, kenapa orang masuk penjara?

Me and my son on a fine morning, earlier back then.



Malicca:
Nda, kenapa orang masuk penjara?

Me:
Hmmm, ... mau jawaban jujur atau mau jawaban bener?

Malicca:
Apa bedanya?

Me:
Pilih dulu, dong.

Malicca:
Apa aja tadi pilihannya?

Me:
Mau tau jawaban bener, atau jawaban jujur?

Malicca:
Hmmm ... yang bener apa?

Me:
Jawaban benernya, orang masuk penjara karena dia berbuat salah atau melanggar hukum.

Malicca:
Kalau jawaban jujur?

Me:
Jawaban benar itu, ya benar.
Jawaban yang jujur itu, jawaban asli sesuai fakta. Yang benar-benar terjadi.
Enggak selalu benar, sih.

Jawaban jujur tentang kenapa orang masuk penjara adalah,
1. Karena dia berbuat salah, ... DAN ketahuan.
2. Orang masuk penjara karena, ... dia enggak bisa membuktikan bahwa dia benar.

Malicca: diam.

Me (dalam hati):
I know, son.
You might not understand me.
But I know you will, someday.