Skip to main content

bed time story

jadi, ada cerita apa hari ini?
nda, titan ceritanya sambil merem ya. titan ngantuuuk banget.
oh, it's okay. bobo aja yuk kalau gitu ...

for the past months, i have been enjoying my bed time routines with the kids. at eight pm, the three of us already got into our bedroom and had some fun. mostly, quiet time session. the session without jumping around like monkeys or rolling-on-the-floor-laugh. we spent an hour for sharing, read some books or like the past days, did a pillow talk with kakak titan while i nursed la luna.

i always sleep in the middle with the kids beside me. kakak titan on the left and la luna on the right, or vice versa. yes, i had to be in the middle because kakak titan wanted to hug me as well, an option if he was not allowed to nurse (and of course he would not). in the middle of the night, the arrangement could change. of course, it always changes.

the hugs, the pillow talk, the laughter, have became my favourite moment of the day. every single day. it was so beautiful i did not want to miss the moment even to capture the moment. sometimes it made me thinking, am i doing the right thing, doing the co sleeping. until when? but then the alter ego strikes, why bother? we both feel fine with it.

when they fell into their dreams, i often watch their face. thisclose. that close i could even count their eyelashes. reminiscing the first time i held them in my arms. the first time i heard them cry. the first time malicca got into his school. the so many times i got angry because of small things. the so many words i have spoken that might have hurt them. the so many big dreams for them. the so many question what i should do to protect them. the values i have or have not taught them.

and by then, i usually cried. if only i had better. if only time did not fly so fast. if only i could always be with them, till the end of time and forever more. if only things in the world is always like what it seems. but i know they will not. my children are gonna get hurt someday, and i will be feeling hurt too because of it.

after that, i slept and woke up for the morning errands.
and yes, the world rolling out once again.

bunda, titan mau sama bunda terus. nanti masuk surga sama-sama bunda juga. malicca said to me one night.

i bet every mother would cry listening their children said those kind of wish. but mommies cannot cry for illogical reasons in front of their kids, right? because mommies know, that kind of wish cannot happen.

amin, sayang. amin. 


  1. huaaa titan... *mewek *untung udah pulang semua


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

love is love. marriage is another thing.

of all the things I ever wondered, ... I think I never wonder whom my kids will be married to. or to picture myself holding grand babies. not just a not yet, I think it is simply too hard to bear and too absurd to think of. but then I promise myself. I promise I will not ever push titan and luna to get married or even if they are married; I will not ask them when to have kids.

many times I wondered that marriage is overrated. and the only reason to get married is not love, but to realise life is too hard to bear when you are all alone. because, however, marriage is a conditional love. hubby once said, marriage is not all fancy and glitter. the lowest it can get is, to keep functioning and it will survive. how both parties can be functional one to another, is another story.

to ariawan, a guy of mine,
the one who always wake me up from my princessy dreams. love you.

Three hours late.

2 AM and I stepped in to the house. Hubby was waiting for me. This was not the first time, and not the latest hour I had ever experienced with over time.

"See you soon Bunda. Or at 8, or at 9, or at 10, or at 11 like you said you would be late." Said my son.

I smiled as I entered the house. I smelled home. I saw my beautiful mess. As I picked up some toys on the floor, I imagined what games the kids had played today. There was a drawing, mini ceramics pots, not too chaotic for kids who were left with nini and aki without nannies.

I also saw their time tables, with some check marks on the list. Those that they weren't checked was the responsibility to wash their own dishes. I saw some dirty cups piling up. I saw the microwave's door left half-opened, a baking sheet and a knife. I wonder what they have cooked.
I also saw minecraft was in active window and some search on youtube and google.

Getting home in this hour and not seeing their faces but seeing all the mess the…

Life. Just like what I wanted.

Tiga belas bulan yang lalu, saya memutuskan untuk kembali bekerja setelah 2,5 tahun jadi freelance (tapi lebih banyak free-nya sih hahaha). Satu-satunya yang bikin saya merasa harus bekerja ya cuma Apple. Sisanya, banyak project yang saya tolak-tolakin karena males aja sih intinya. Belaguk bangetlah pokoknya.

Setelah merasa udah nggak produktif lagi di rumah, otak berasa tumpul dan rasa percaya diri udah nyungsep, saat itulah saya terima tawaran untuk kembali ke advertising. Banyak yang nyinyir sih, menganggap industri itu gelap banget dan ngapain udah enak-enak di rumah kok ya balik ngantor. Alasannya cuma satu: bosen di rumah.

Enggak tahu hal baik apa yang telah saya lakukan dalam hidup, ternyata saya dianugerahi tim yang baiiiiik banget. Anaknya manis-manis, good attitude dan yang paling penting; penuh tanggung jawab. Saya ngerasa banyak belajar dari mereka. Mulai hal baru di luaran sana sampai cara pakai krim mata. Enggak sedikit juga kesedihan yang kita tanggung bareng-bareng, da…