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Here, now

1:21 am and wide-awake.
Sleepy, but there is this feeling that I am feeling and I still want to enjoy every second of it.

The "now-what?" or "what's next" question that is no longer haunting me, unlike yesterday.

The "I do not know" answer that I used to hate and now has become my favourite one.

I am feeling fuzzy and content at the same time and I am so much enjoying it I cannot believe and keep asking "how did I get to this point?'

I feel overwhelmed of my resignation. Yes, after 13 years working in the industry.
Today is my last day working in the office and I sealed the day with a quick-but-cute mom & son date over ice tea and Malayan toasts.

Yeah, ... how did I get this point? I think these might be the answers.

I am not alone. 

I am blessed with a loving husband who can make me feel secure about life and my day-to-day mayhem. He taught me life is not about who-do-what, but a let's-do-something-about-it-spirit instead. So when I told him my intention to resign, he said "Then do it."

When life is not a solid rock but a rhythm we dance and we can do adjustment at anytime.
I asked him "What if's?" he said "Just try it first. If it fails, then we can discuss it again."

We live based on priority.

We avoid malls and unnecessary tangibles. We invested on education and renovated the house to have activity room so we can have better quality time for the family. We lessen watch the TV and do a family project instead. Hence, we can save more money and I feel secure about my resignation.

Carefully do the math.

To do the math of living, it is important for me to know myself. To know what I am doing and why.

Not so long ago, there was a point when I asked myself "What the hell am I doing here where I can be way more useful in some other place?" The point when I realise I have been too much working-on life and not living it instead.


I think those are the points that has led me to this point, and I am so grateful.
For my life now.
For what happened in the past.
For the people I love, ... and they simply love me back.


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