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I loved my colour tone that day. But what I loved more was; for what I did.

Yes, I resigned for the second time for the same reason: to set up a new career at home while freelancing. Why the same reason? Well, sometimes you just have to try and reviewed your decision again and again to know which decision suits you best. 

The first time I resigned from the giant multinational company Leo Burnett, it gave a little residue whether it was the right decision or not. Yet I tried to be a freelancer for four months and then decided to get hired for a permanent position a few months later. Of course, under the circumstances I thought I could deal with: 15 minutes distance from the house and school so I can easily get here and there, ... and well paid.

But apparently, a few things are only beautiful as a concept. Not in practice.

I have learnt that working is not only about getting money or fulfilling your passion. Yes it has to be on the checklists, but there is a thing beyond that. The feeling of how you can be useful to your beloved ones.  And the reason of my resignation is more of how I can be more useful at this moment for my family. And at this very moment, I feel that I can be more useful at home.

Today, as I gave the resignation letter, I felt ... relieved. Like it was the right thing. And after that, I did a creative review with the account service department and thought it was my best (and maybe my last) internal presentation during my working days in the company. I felt so alive, no burden, I cut whatever they say with buts. Then it makes me wonder how I love this field, being a creative in an advertising agency. The soul-free feeling, way from office politics. The perpetual dreamer who loves to be 'puk-puk' and easily got amused and bribed with snacks or comfort foods (well, all kinds of foods can actually comfort us). The loud voices and music bangs. A drink that eventually seal the day or a winning. 

Yes, I kind of miss that. And I have been missing all that.

This little child in me doesn't want to get to work without playing anymore. Doesn't want to hold-up anymore.And I believe I have become too silencio.  I have become a mature adult - a thing that creative advertising agencies forbid to have in their list.

I might be aging. But today, I choose to play. To just stop and narrow down options in order to have another one wide opened.

Bismillah. 

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love is love. marriage is another thing.

of all the things I ever wondered, ... I think I never wonder whom my kids will be married to. or to picture myself holding grand babies. not just a not yet, I think it is simply too hard to bear and too absurd to think of. but then I promise myself. I promise I will not ever push titan and luna to get married or even if they are married; I will not ask them when to have kids.

many times I wondered that marriage is overrated. and the only reason to get married is not love, but to realise life is too hard to bear when you are all alone. because, however, marriage is a conditional love. hubby once said, marriage is not all fancy and glitter. the lowest it can get is, to keep functioning and it will survive. how both parties can be functional one to another, is another story.

to ariawan, a guy of mine,
the one who always wake me up from my princessy dreams. love you.



Three hours late.

2 AM and I stepped in to the house. Hubby was waiting for me. This was not the first time, and not the latest hour I had ever experienced with over time.

"See you soon Bunda. Or at 8, or at 9, or at 10, or at 11 like you said you would be late." Said my son.

I smiled as I entered the house. I smelled home. I saw my beautiful mess. As I picked up some toys on the floor, I imagined what games the kids had played today. There was a drawing, mini ceramics pots, not too chaotic for kids who were left with nini and aki without nannies.

I also saw their time tables, with some check marks on the list. Those that they weren't checked was the responsibility to wash their own dishes. I saw some dirty cups piling up. I saw the microwave's door left half-opened, a baking sheet and a knife. I wonder what they have cooked.
I also saw minecraft was in active window and some search on youtube and google.

Getting home in this hour and not seeing their faces but seeing all the mess the…

Life. Just like what I wanted.

Tiga belas bulan yang lalu, saya memutuskan untuk kembali bekerja setelah 2,5 tahun jadi freelance (tapi lebih banyak free-nya sih hahaha). Satu-satunya yang bikin saya merasa harus bekerja ya cuma Apple. Sisanya, banyak project yang saya tolak-tolakin karena males aja sih intinya. Belaguk bangetlah pokoknya.

Setelah merasa udah nggak produktif lagi di rumah, otak berasa tumpul dan rasa percaya diri udah nyungsep, saat itulah saya terima tawaran untuk kembali ke advertising. Banyak yang nyinyir sih, menganggap industri itu gelap banget dan ngapain udah enak-enak di rumah kok ya balik ngantor. Alasannya cuma satu: bosen di rumah.

Enggak tahu hal baik apa yang telah saya lakukan dalam hidup, ternyata saya dianugerahi tim yang baiiiiik banget. Anaknya manis-manis, good attitude dan yang paling penting; penuh tanggung jawab. Saya ngerasa banyak belajar dari mereka. Mulai hal baru di luaran sana sampai cara pakai krim mata. Enggak sedikit juga kesedihan yang kita tanggung bareng-bareng, da…