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Who I will be with when I am old

It was a sunny day. I got a little bored of babysitting so I decided to pick you yup from school.
I always taking and picking you up, because we always have interesting conversation along the way. From nenek cantik wearing pink dress, ufo, and now this.

"Bunda,  kalau sudah besar, sudah kerja sudah punya rumah, Titan mau nikah." 

Not really a surprise for me; we have this kind of conversation. The movie UP and its character Mr. Frederickson have been possessing you all along. How they grow old together. How they save and shrimp for travel. How they want to have kids. Basically, how he loves Ellie and everything about her.

Kenapa? Bukannya enak kalau sendiri? Enggak ada yang marahin suruh pulang cepet, bisa bebas kemana aja, jalan-jalan, ... (uhm... I'm loosing more reasons)

Then you suddenly pouted.

"Nanti kalau Titan sudah tua sama siapa?
Nanti kalau Titan duduk di kursi, di sampingnya enggak ada orang.
Nanti Titan kalau nonton TV sendirian. Kan enggak enak, Nda."

I smiled. While you were talking, I got busy with my own visual imaginations of you.

"Terserah Titan, kan nanti yang ngejalanin Titan. Nanti dirasa-rasa aja sendiri gimana rasanya sendiri, gimana rasanya punya temen deket, baru diputusin mau nikah sapa siapa."

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love is love. marriage is another thing.

of all the things I ever wondered, ... I think I never wonder whom my kids will be married to. or to picture myself holding grand babies. not just a not yet, I think it is simply too hard to bear and too absurd to think of. but then I promise myself. I promise I will not ever push titan and luna to get married or even if they are married; I will not ask them when to have kids.

many times I wondered that marriage is overrated. and the only reason to get married is not love, but to realise life is too hard to bear when you are all alone. because, however, marriage is a conditional love. hubby once said, marriage is not all fancy and glitter. the lowest it can get is, to keep functioning and it will survive. how both parties can be functional one to another, is another story.

to ariawan, a guy of mine,
the one who always wake me up from my princessy dreams. love you.



Three hours late.

2 AM and I stepped in to the house. Hubby was waiting for me. This was not the first time, and not the latest hour I had ever experienced with over time.

"See you soon Bunda. Or at 8, or at 9, or at 10, or at 11 like you said you would be late." Said my son.

I smiled as I entered the house. I smelled home. I saw my beautiful mess. As I picked up some toys on the floor, I imagined what games the kids had played today. There was a drawing, mini ceramics pots, not too chaotic for kids who were left with nini and aki without nannies.

I also saw their time tables, with some check marks on the list. Those that they weren't checked was the responsibility to wash their own dishes. I saw some dirty cups piling up. I saw the microwave's door left half-opened, a baking sheet and a knife. I wonder what they have cooked.
I also saw minecraft was in active window and some search on youtube and google.

Getting home in this hour and not seeing their faces but seeing all the mess the…

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