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The ode

Some people forget (or simply don't know) that most babies have androgyny faces, because every part of their faces are still developing. This is the reason why people feel they need to differentiate their baby's looks. So people recognise what gender their baby is. Sometimes they differentiate the gender with color coding clothes or many times by giving the baby girl a pair of earrings.

This is what happen to La Luna. She looks different everyday. Sometimes she looks girly, most of the times she looks boyish. This what made some people who met her thought she was a boy. Then they asked me why she didn't wear any earrings since she was a girl.

I mostly responded them with a glimpse of smile. If I am in a good mood to explain, I answered them with an empathy answer like "I'm a soft mama, I cannot stand her cry when she was being pierced." Not really an explaining answer, if they realise. It was even a lie.

Actually, it was more than that.

Ariawan and I decided not to pierce her as our respect to her body. We don't want to make eternal physical scar on her, a fait accompli, something she might regret when she grows up for something she did not do or did not wanted. It is an ode to her choice, that she has every choices in life and she should be responsible for what she chooses. It is a promise from us, her parents, that we will only be her supporter and not the decision maker.

So, my dear baby girl La Luna, it is a promise.
Please remind me if I forget it someday.

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many times I wondered that marriage is overrated. and the only reason to get married is not love, but to realise life is too hard to bear when you are all alone. because, however, marriage is a conditional love. hubby once said, marriage is not all fancy and glitter. the lowest it can get is, to keep functioning and it will survive. how both parties can be functional one to another, is another story.

to ariawan, a guy of mine,
the one who always wake me up from my princessy dreams. love you.



Three hours late.

2 AM and I stepped in to the house. Hubby was waiting for me. This was not the first time, and not the latest hour I had ever experienced with over time.

"See you soon Bunda. Or at 8, or at 9, or at 10, or at 11 like you said you would be late." Said my son.

I smiled as I entered the house. I smelled home. I saw my beautiful mess. As I picked up some toys on the floor, I imagined what games the kids had played today. There was a drawing, mini ceramics pots, not too chaotic for kids who were left with nini and aki without nannies.

I also saw their time tables, with some check marks on the list. Those that they weren't checked was the responsibility to wash their own dishes. I saw some dirty cups piling up. I saw the microwave's door left half-opened, a baking sheet and a knife. I wonder what they have cooked.
I also saw minecraft was in active window and some search on youtube and google.

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