Sunday, June 16, 2013


I am sure you have gone a situation when your physical was in an automatic mode doing something; your mind was weaving beautiful words translating what your brain was thinking.

Exactly what I am doing at the moment.

I am making a steam Dory. My hands are in their automatic mode chopping the garlic, onion, spread them together with the salt and coriander to its body.

So this is my life now, I said. What would be next? Then something stops me and replies me in polite. She tells me to do what life is offering me. Just do. 

I lay the dory in a layer of aluminum foil then put some lemon on top of it. I fold exactly like my husband taught me and so the aluminum will not leak and let the water soak the fish while it is baked. 

Then I really stop thinking about what would happen next.

Period. Is it what my life now? Really? I did not even trust my self I have become numb. What? Numb? It is the only word I never wanted to be. But looking at me now, I probably am. Without me realizing it, I might have reached that point of loosing my sense. I don’t care much more about people and what happens around the globe. Because even I do something about it, sometimes things just do not change, and I got tired of trying.

Yeah, tired. Bad things could happen when we feel tired. We become more sensitive and hard to understand others yet we tend to demand people to understand us. Tiredness impairs judgments most of the times. You got tired of hoping to others and you can only trust yourself. But sometimes you got tired of pushing yourself more and you got the maximum tiredness. There. Maybe there where the numb came from.

If it happens, make sure you got a hook to hang on. To me, it is my children. My dreams might have died long ago, but not theirs.

I put the dory in the oven for 20 minutes. It looks good, but tastes a bit sour this time. Too much lemon. Just like what life give us sometimes? 

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