I miss those

I used to think that I am one of those people who cannot travel alone. Including hanging out to a mall. But then, I tried. I still remember when it was. Right after I finished my violin class on my second year of college. I brought my violin and went to Kinokuniya bookstore, alone.

Amazingly, I felt enjoyed.

Where was the scary feeling?
Where was the awkward feeling when crowds looked at me as if they were thinking something bad about me?
Where was the uneasy feeling of having something unplanned?
Where was the worry?

I did not know why, and how, but they were all gone.
Of course there was a little bit of uneasy feeling. First cut is always the deepest.
But I managed it.

Up to this moment, I am still think that way. That I cannot go alone. But then, life shoves me down my throat to get this life alone, sometimes. Many times, to be exact. Started from a must I travel alone for work, or when things turn solo for me.

Now, it has been a while since I last travel alone or juggle the life solo.
Not that I am not grateful of having my family and spouse around, but honestly I kinda miss those solo moment. Specially the solo traveling part. Because sometimes, I found my hidden self when I travel alone. I felt rejuvenated. I felt blessed of having people around me. I felt glad I met strangers and asked their help to take a photo of me and asked for directions. I was never really alone.

... yea, I miss those.

Anyways,
maybe its time for me to share and give-in to merge myself into others.
Maybe I had enough time dingled-dangled life all by myself.
Maybe I had those moments of me-time in an amazing wonderland, in winter, in the desert, in a turbulence and stormy flight that made me say God's name thousand times.

Yet still I think "I want to be alone" is the biggest lie in the world.