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B(ex)t Friend

To some, the words 'best friend' could mean nothing. 
To me, however, best friend means a lot. 

I might not be the perfect person to tell things about friendship, for I may not be a perfect friend or best friend for my friends. I sometimes lie, I sometimes weren't there for them when they need me, I sometimes tell them things they want to hear and not things they need to hear, I sometimes just want to be alone. 

There are many kind of friends. There are childhood friends, devoted friends who always willing to lend their ears for you to trash or come to visit you in the middle of stormy night, travel buddies, party friends who can make you laugh and sing all night, gossip friends where you can get your latest updates, social media friends who we rarely meet but knows a lot about us based on their assumptions, office friends with whom you have lunch, parenting friends with whom we can squeeze their tips and tricks in parenting, and of course the hi-bye friends. 

We all have those categories. Don't we? And both are usually know where to stand. 

Expectation that doesn't meet up is sucks. So is having a friend who want to be your friend only when she / he wants to. 

At first you were friends. Then become good friend that leads to best friend. Wished you both can be best friends forever and promised you to come to your wedding and blah blah blah... and on one perfect day, she / he leaves you in despair without reasons. 
But (still) trying to be a best friend, we usually say "Oh, what is wrong? You know where to find me when you need me, okay?" 
We all know that 'Nothing is wrong' or 'I want to be alone' is the biggest lie in the world, and staying honest is always a tough option. That would include telling your friend why you want to cut off the friendship. 
But hey my friend, once you lied, please also keep the lie that we ever have that friendship. So you don't have to come back and ask it back. 

Oh, there is usually a reason: "I want to be alone." This, my friend, in bitch's glossary means "Back off! I mean... now!" 

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love is love. marriage is another thing.

of all the things I ever wondered, ... I think I never wonder whom my kids will be married to. or to picture myself holding grand babies. not just a not yet, I think it is simply too hard to bear and too absurd to think of. but then I promise myself. I promise I will not ever push titan and luna to get married or even if they are married; I will not ask them when to have kids.

many times I wondered that marriage is overrated. and the only reason to get married is not love, but to realise life is too hard to bear when you are all alone. because, however, marriage is a conditional love. hubby once said, marriage is not all fancy and glitter. the lowest it can get is, to keep functioning and it will survive. how both parties can be functional one to another, is another story.

to ariawan, a guy of mine,
the one who always wake me up from my princessy dreams. love you.

Three hours late.

2 AM and I stepped in to the house. Hubby was waiting for me. This was not the first time, and not the latest hour I had ever experienced with over time.

"See you soon Bunda. Or at 8, or at 9, or at 10, or at 11 like you said you would be late." Said my son.

I smiled as I entered the house. I smelled home. I saw my beautiful mess. As I picked up some toys on the floor, I imagined what games the kids had played today. There was a drawing, mini ceramics pots, not too chaotic for kids who were left with nini and aki without nannies.

I also saw their time tables, with some check marks on the list. Those that they weren't checked was the responsibility to wash their own dishes. I saw some dirty cups piling up. I saw the microwave's door left half-opened, a baking sheet and a knife. I wonder what they have cooked.
I also saw minecraft was in active window and some search on youtube and google.

Getting home in this hour and not seeing their faces but seeing all the mess the…

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