A letter to you

I named you Malicca. Means you are the greatest gift ever from the Mightiest of all, Allah.
I named you Titan, one of 53 Saturn's moon and the largest. The only thing in the Milky Way that has atmosphere, beside earth. You are the earth in its primordial days, freezed and awaiting to form.
In Orphic ways, you are the ancestor of the human race. Zeus struck you with lightning and you burnt to ashes. From the ashes, a man was formed.

In a simpler way, you are a hope. From the Almighty.

This is my first letter to you, and might be not the only one. This is my first letter after you sent me so many many letters you slipped underneath my door. Your letters with your drawing inside them. With so many heart shapes, your name and my name.

In this letter, I want to say you thanks. For everything. For every little power you gave me. For every reasons you made for me to keep going and keep dreaming. When the doctor said you were impossible to happen because of your tiny 14mm egg source, you were born with 3,7 kilograms. You are my strength, you are the impossible that possibly happened in my life.

In this letter, I want you to know how much I love you. I love your questions, I love your cry, I love your " I want to be alone" thingy then you closed your door, I love your every nags, I love your witty excuses, I love the way you dance, I love your singing that never stops unless you sleep, I love your words every night "Good nite Bunda, tomorrow will be a better day" which I don't know where you got it from. I love how you take care of me real good. I love everything about you. Simply because I am your mom.

I see you everyday and I watch you grow. But one thing for you to know, that I am not going to be here forever; no matter how much we want to. Someday you will be bigger and find no one on your side. Someday you will wake up on the wrong side of the bed and regret every single turn you made.

When those happens, please remember what I am saying to you now ...

"When that day come, be aware that you are not alone. You have yourself and The Mightiest power with you. The Mightiest who created you like I told you above. The Almighty who turned the impossible possible. You got Allah and you got my pray.
You may not lose yourself, no matter how you lost your way. 
And as long as you have the courage to stop and the power to start, you will be okay."

I love you always, Malicca. Always.
Bunda.

A letter to Malicca

I named you Malicca. Means you are the greatest gift ever from the Mightiest of all, Allah.
I named you Titan, one of 53 Saturn's moon and the largest. The only thing in the Milky Way that has atmosphere, beside earth. You are the earth in its primordial days, freezed and awaiting to form.
In Orphic ways, you are the ancestor of the human race. Zeus struck you with lightning and you burnt to ashes. From the ashes, a man was formed.

In a simpler way, you are a hope. From the Almighty.

This is my first letter to you, and might be not the only one. This is my first letter after you sent me so many many letters you slipped underneath my door. Your letters with your drawing inside them. With so many heart shapes, your name and my name.

In this letter, I want to say you thanks. For everything. For every little power you gave me. For every reasons you made for me to keep going and keep dreaming. When the doctor said you were impossible to happen because of your tiny 14mm egg source, you were born with 3,7 kilograms. You are my strength, you are the impossible that possibly happened in my life.

In this letter, I want you to know how much I love you. I love your questions, I love your cry, I love your " I want to be alone" thingy then you closed your door, I love your every nags, I love your witty excuses, I love the way you dance, I love your singing that never stops unless you sleep, I love your words every night "Good nite Bunda, tomorrow will be a better day" which I don't know where you got it from. I love how you take care of me real good. I love everything about you. Simply because I am your mom.

I see you everyday and I watch you grow. But one thing for you to know, that I am not going to be here forever; no matter how much we want to. Someday you will be bigger and find no one on your side. Someday you will wake up on the wrong side of the bed and regret every single turn you made.

When those happens, please remember what I am saying to you now ...

"When that day come, be aware that you are not alone. You have yourself and The Mightiest power with you. The Mightiest who created you like I told you above. The Almighty who turned the impossible possible. You got Allah and you got my pray."

You may not lose yourself, no matter how you lost your way. And as long as you have the courage to start and the power to stop, you will be okay.

I love you always, Malicca. Always.
Bunda.

Angel

T:
Bunda, Titan pengen punya bidadari

M:
You do have them. They called angels. They are the ones who love you and protect you.

T:
Protect me from bad people, bunda?

M:
Yes, they are.

T:
Oh, I know.

M:
What?

T:
You are my angel, Bunda. You love me and protect me from bad people. I love you!

M:
*teary eyes*

A before-dinner conversation between me and my 5 years old satellite 

Heikal told me,

as long as you have the courage to start,

as long as you have the power to stop, 

all will be ok.

Heikal told me,

as long as you have the courage to start,

as long as you have the power to stop, 

all will be ok.

To Malicca, about quitting my job

Dear Malicca,
There was once you asked me this question.
"Bunda, kapan sih bunda berhenti bekerja?"

Hmm, it took me a while until I finally answered you.

Baby,
I am working for a reason. Reasons, to be exact.
I am working for you, that is my most and top priority. For my parents, and for me.
I want to give you the best education I can afford.
And in this country, good education costs a lot of money.
And when I am mentioning good education, means not only the system but also the mindset they have to raise children.

I want to take you travel the world.
I want you to see many things, learnt from various source and meet people.
And travel, is not free.

I want to help my parents.
They are old, they are pension, I want to take care of them.
Pay their bills, find them a good maid, i want to give them the best doctor when they got sick one day.
And they are not free.

And there are so many other things I want to do.
I want to paint our house, build a garden and cook the finest foods,
... and they cost money.

You nodded as if you understood. Well, I really hope you did because you then said this

"I like my school, Bunda. I like going to school."

I smiled.
My dear satellite, there is nothing more I could be happier for, than to know how you love your school.
We had been in that situation when getting to school was very stressful for me and you.
When you cried, when you never told me a single story about your school or friends, I could even remember your face as we hit the gate. You looked so stressful.

Now knowing you loved your school ... I am so happy.
You deserve the best, my satellite.
Yes, you do.

That's why I am working.
That's my answer.

Nenek Cantik

T:
Bunda, look!

B:
I cannot, I am driving. Ada apa sih emangnya?

T:
Itu, tadi ada nenek-nenek pake baju pink.
Rambutnya putih. Putiiih semua.
Tapi masih cantik, Nda!
Keren, deh!

B:
O, ya? Wah, kok bisa ya nenek-nenek udah tua tapi masih cantik?

T:
Sulap kali, Nda!


- Malicca umur 5 tahun 5 bulan, Bunda umur 33 tahun 6 bulan, dalam perjalanan pagi menuju sekolah -

Sunday left-overs

Enjoying my Sunday, dengan sisaan stroberi dan Divortiare.

Nice cheeky book :) 

I am a proud mom

Dear Malicca,

One night you were being a little jerk, seriously. You were like a whirlwind.
You acted harsh to me and Nini,
you were being defensive and said no to most of the things I told you.

You were not like what you usually were. You were different that night.
I wonder what happened. Then I asked you to talk.
Amazingly, you understood what I meant. "Let's talk." I have said.
And we went in to Nini's bed room and we started to talk.

I always amazed with your skill in describing your feelings.
You were only five, but I respected how honest you were about your feelings.

Then you told me scene by scene about how upset you were when your friends did not reckon what you said to them. Yes, it was Bagas the kid next to our house.
You were playing with him when you told him not to hurt himself by playing underneath a truck.
Yes, a truck. But he didn't listen. Then you got upset.
Then you went off, but deep inside you still wanted to play with him.
But you were pissed off.

Malicca, you did the right thing by telling your friend what you think was right.
You did the right thing by warning a friend of a danger he was facing in.
But that's it. That's what you can do as a friend, to remind your friends.
Either they take it or not, its their call.

One other thing is, if you want people to listen to you; listen to them first.
That's the rule of this universe. When you do good deeds, they'll come back to you somehow.
Some people call it 'What goes around, comes around.'

But you know what, despite of the things you told me,
I am so proud of you.

You had the courage to remind your friend.
You said what you want to say.
You had the courage to be honest with your self, to me, by telling what you are feeling at that moment in Nini's bed room.

You are only five, but you can do a grown up might not able to do.

:)

The book of eleventh

I am gladly involved in Read 12 books 2012 with two of my friends @ishtarnayyara and @sarskylicious . I started it late, but I managed to get it finished by October and keep reading. Cause if I don't, I am afraid I might stop reading for another hundred years and it will be even harder to drag my eyes on the lines again.

'Malaikat Jatuh' by Clara Ng was my book of eleventh, and yes; it was the highlight of this project.
I bought the book in 2009 (yes, that long!) and I let it sit in dust for more than 2 years (like always... zzzz... zZzzz ).

The book was all about mother's love at its best angle, when mother can be so soft and tender yet can be grim and vicious as well. It remains me of myself as a mother and I could not hold my tears when I read its first and last story. The feeling when I read its last page was the same when I read Larung by Ayu Utami. I felt like gasping for minutes and wished there were at least another page to read saying that the story did not end like the way it ended.

Malaikat Jatuh was not the only one. Children books by Shel Silverstain were also the best, and my pop novel best category goes to Antologi Rasa that I finished in only 2 days.

These are my list of Reading 12 books in 2012 project

1. The Giving Tree

2. The Missing Piece meets the big O

3. Don't bump the glump

4. The Glass Castle 

5. How Obelix fell into the magic potion when he was a little boy 

6. Brida 

7. Lemony's Snicket The Miserable Mill 

8. Lemony's Snicket The Austere Academy

9. Lemony's Snicket The Ersatz Elevator 

10. Lemony's Snicket The Vile Village

11. Malaikat Jatuh

12. Antologi Rasa

Harga diri lelaki

Hari ini panas banget. Matahari lagi sale besar-besaran rupanya. AC udah pol gini, masih aja berasa panasnya menyengat di muka. Mana macet pula. Pipi kanan jadi konstan kena paparan sinar matahari, cocok jadi alas panggangan roti.

Tanganku lurus memegang stir. Ngebayangin rasanya nyetir mobil impian yang nangkring di sebelah. Volvo XC70 tahun 2008 * bukan merk sebenarnya *. Blah, tuh mobil udah 4 tahun yang lalu launching, masih aja belom kebeli-beli sampe sekarang.

Tapi inilah salah satu hiburanku kalau terhadang macet. Liat kiri-kanan memperhatikan mobil-mobil impian yang lucu. Kadang ternganga-nganga sendiri, lebih seringnya sih senyum-senyum sambil berkata dalam hati “Lucu juga ternyata si mobil itu. Ganti itu aja apa ya… ah tapi sayang ah” – kemudian hening dan tidak ada suatu tindak lanjut apapun. Klasik.

Tiba-tiba mataku terpaku pada sebuah sticker di Kopaja. Nah, ini juga salah satu hiburanku nih. Maklum, secara kerjaan jadi copywriter ya Cyin… wajib hukumnya mencerna sticker-sticker penuh hiburan yang ditempel di kaca belakang Kopaja atau Metromini.

“Harga diri lelaki terletak pada pekerjaannya.” Itu kata sticker si Kopaja.

Jleb jleb jleb, ketusuk kata-kata itu lebih menyakitkan daripada ketusuk pisau beneran – asal jangan ketusuk sampe mati ya.

Mau enggak mau, setiap orang di permukaan bumi ini memang harus bekerja. Ya iyalah, itu udah fitrahnya. Anak burung aja tau diri, bahwa ibunya enggak akan nyuapin dia terus. Suatu hari nanti dia harus usaha menyambung hidup sendiri.

Tinggal di Jakarta, sebenarnya sudah merupakan kelebihan tersendiri. Coba, apa sih yang enggak laku dijual di kota ini? Mulai dari jualan aneka patung (terdiri dari patung kuda, patung Yesus dan abjad Hijaiyah berlafalkan Allah) yang dijual di lampu-lampu merah, keripik singkong dengan kadar MSG tingkat dewa yang tetap aja lulus badan POM, jualan cireng atau cilok yang bermodalkan sagu, sasa dan saos pewarna, sampe jualan ide abstrak.

Jadi, sticker itu memang benar adanya. Alasan apa lagi yang bikin laki-laki enggak bekerja? Salah siapa, kalau enggak ada sesuatu pun dari diri ini yang bisa dijual? Kalah sama cilok, lu!

Kembali ke harga diri, … mungkin bagi sebagian orang harga diri itu terletak dari keteguhannya untuk tidak mau bekerja dibawah perintah orang lain. Well, … kalau terlahir jadi anaknya Bakri * bukan nama sebenarnya * sih monggo ya. Tapi aku yakin, seorang Anindya Bakri pun * bukan nama sebenarnya * enggak gini-gini amat. Tapi justru seringnya, manusia-manusia seperti ini justru berawal dari mimpi dan hanya mimpi tanpa tahu bagaimana mewujudkannya dan bagaimana mengukur rasio kemampuan dan keberhasilan.

Istilah kerennya sih, “Enggak ngaca, cyin.”

Mau single atau berkeluarga, status pengangguran terselubung ini emang nggak keren. It is just wrong in many levels. Hanya saja, kalau udah berkeluarga, efek kehancurannya memang lebih dahsyat.

Anehnya, mereka-mereka ini suka merasa enggak ada yang salah. You know why? Karena mereka selalu punya alasan gini: “Aku kerja kok. Cuma ya memang kliennya enggak selalu ada.” Atau “Aku self-employed, I work anytime or anywhere I want.”

Yea rite, … denial is not the only river in Egypt – dikutip dari Antologi Rasa.

Jadi gimana dong?

Ya enggak gimana-gimana.  Berdoa aja supaya lelaki-lelaki itu sadar bahwa mereka salah jalan. Berdoa aja supaya mereka dapat hidayah dan orang yang terkorbankan diberi kesabaran dan kelapangan dada menerima kenyataan bahwa mereka hanyalah korban. Bahkan anak-anak mereka, semua jadi korban. Kita mau ngomong apa sama orang-orang yang tega mengorbankan anak sendiri? Ngomong sampe kejang juga gak akan bikin mereka berubah.

Tiba-tiba kusadari dadaku berdebar-debar menahan emosi. Stiker itu menusuk hati banget. Tak sadar tanganku segera menyambar ponsel di dashboard dan otomatis menekan sebuah nomor.

Ah, ada suara lelakiku di ujung sana yang selalu berhasil membawaku menapak bumi dan menghentikan semua kinerja hamster-hamster di kepala.

“Tin tiiiiiiiiiiin!” Kata suara dari mobil belakang.

Baru tersadar hari ini.
Bahwa Titan sudah hafal bacaan Al- Fatihah.
Terima kasih, Aki :)

One of those days

Carpe diem, seize the day, atau meraih sukses hari ini dalam bahasa ibu. Yes, this is one of that day. Bukan karena sukses meraih bisnis baru di kantor, bukan karena dapat rejeki nomplok plok plok, bukan karena berhasil melakukan penemuan baru yang breakthrough - amin sih kalau iya - buat aku sukses memetik hari adalah saat semua urusan hari ini lancar. Tepat waktu, jadi bisa berbagi diri dan waktu untuk mereka yang terkasih dan juga sempat untuk memiliki waktu untuk diri sendiri.

Pencapaian yang simpel? Well, ... kalau ukuran simpelnya segampang omong kosong sih ya enggak ya.

Kuncinya ternyata ada di bangun pagi dan tahu kapan untuk ngikutin apa kata hati dan kapan untuk tahu diri. Kita bahas satu-satu ya.

Weekend kemarin sebenernya adalah weekend yang penuh pikiran karena punya PR bikin 3 deck presentasi yang semuanya buat hari Senin sore. Tapi entah kenapa - Ih bohong, gue tau banget kenapa - rasanya malas banget untuk mulai ngerjain. Tiap kali buka komputer, malah ngerjain yang lain. Download lagu lah, FB-an lah, yang gitu-gitulah. Kepikiran sih kepikiran, tapi rasa malas lebih mengalahkan segalanya. Gue yakin, seandainya aja gue jadi Soekarno dan harus kembali ke masa lalu untuk mengulang kisah kemerdekaan, di tangan gue; kemerdekaan enggak akan kejadian di tanggal 17 Agustus. Terus kapan, dong? Ya mana gue tau. Entar aja liat moodnya.

Daaaaaaang, dan akhirnya weekend kemarin gue habiskan leyeh-leyeh baca buku yang kebetulan bukunya emang lebih seru ketimbang musti bikin 3 deck presentasi ini, tentu dengan kilik-kilik di kepala yang enggak capek-capeknya bergumam "Duh, decknya belum dikerjain gimana nih" - tapi tetep asyik baca buku.

Di jam-jam terakhir weekend pun, gue tetap memutuskan jadi procrastinator sejati dengan mengentar-entar bikin deck presentasi dan terus membaca. Nah kan, ketiduran deh. Tapi kali ini gue tidur dengan sadar bahwa gue belum ngerjain PR dan tidak berniat untuk bangun tengah malem buat ngerjain.

Tapi, gue tetep bangun pagi. Bukan karena alasan harus bikin deck. Karena Titan sudah mulai sekolah lagi. Jadi gue harus bangun lebih pagi untuk siapin seragam, bekal dan segala tetek bengeknya. Termasuk juga makan siang suami yang hari ini ... hehehe, maaf ya sayang ya; menu blontang blonteng dari segi asal muasal makanan, look dan kombinasi gizi. (Fyi, gue bawain suami menu makan siang: nasi goreng, ayam goreng dan sandwich sayur isi daun selada, tomat, keju plus sebutir apel dan vitamin).  Seandainya aja ini masa PDKT, pasti besok gue nggak bakal ditelpon-telpon lagi!

Ternyata, bangun pagi menjawab semuanya. Titan sampe sekolah tepat waktu, bahkan lebih cepat. Salam manis buat ibu guru piket yang kasih kita surat peringatan karena Titan udah telat 6x bulan September kemarin thankyouverymuch. Mood anak juga jadi lebih baik karena punya waktu yang cukup untuk pre-conditioning. Buat emaknya, tentu juga lebih oke karena sampe kantor masih sepi jadi masih bisa siap-siap diri sampai akhirnya mulai buka komputer dan ngerjain deck *mulai tahu diri*.

Alhamdulillah, jam 2 siang sudah selesai dan internal review pertama pun berjalan dengan baik. Tanpa perlawanan. Eh, ada sih. Tapi bisa ditolerir lah.

Cepet beres, sampe rumah pun jauh lebih cepat. Bersyukur bisa nemenin Titan makan dan ngajarin belajar dulu. Jam segini, jam sembilan malam tepatnya, udah bisa blogging dan mau nerusin baca buku lagi *senyum lebar selebar-lebarnya*

Kuncian yang enggak kalah pentingnya sebenernya ada satu lagi. Delegasi tugas. Sekarang udah punya  part timers untuk setrika dan beres-beres rumah. Nyuci sih tetep sendiri, enggak percaya gue sama pembantu yang nyuciin baju-baju kita. Bukan karena merk mahal, ... its just not my thing. I prefer to wash my clothes myself.

So yes, ... sambil blogging ini sebenernya gue mikir patut dirayakan dengan apakah kesuksesan hari ini? Hmmm... kayanya masih ada coklat deh di kulkas.

I am a true believer of 'Whats good to get into your mouth is also good for your skin'. After series of looking for the perfect scrub bean in my kitchen - from coffee to oatmeal to tea to skim milk powder - I found Gulaku sugar stick has the 'just right' texture for scrubbing. 

You only need to add it with a little drop of liquid ( I use full cream milk today), let it sit for a few minutes (just check the textures of the sugar crystal cubes until you find it perfect for your skin) and go scrub. You can also use honey, olive oil or your prefered moisturizer.

Breakfast. Happy Sundae, people! 

My first kopi tubruk and it tasted good. 

Thank you, Warung Baba.

Sejak Titan sekolah pagi tiga bulan yang lalu, aku udah enggak pernah punya luxury time buat sarapan sambil jemuran punggung dan baca buku. Trus keburu freelance juga, there goes my me-time off the thin air. 

Tapi hari ini, Titan libur dan aku masih pengen leyeh-leyeh dulu sebelum berangkat ke kantor. 

Hello again, Me :) 

Malicca loves pizza so very much and wants to have pizza for his breakfast today. Unfortunately, we don't have any pizza dough left today. Me being me, too lazy to make pizza dough and I was 100% sure I would not be able to do it, I used bread instead.

Thank god there was Jamie Oliver tomato pesto and sausage left in the fridge. 

"Yummy, Bunda!" he said.

B(ex)t Friend

To some, the words 'best friend' could mean nothing. 

To me, however, best friend means a lot. 

I might not be the perfect person to tell things about friendship, for I may not be a perfect friend or best friend for my friends. I sometimes lie, I sometimes weren't there for them when they need me, I sometimes tell them things they want to hear and not things they need to hear, I sometimes just want to be alone. 

There are many kind of friends. There are childhood friends, devoted friends who always willing to lend their ears for you to trash or come to visit you in the middle of stormy night, travel buddies, party friends who can make you laugh and sing all night, gossip friends where you can get your latest updates, social media friends who we rarely meet but knows a lot about us based on their assumptions, office friends with whom you have lunch, parenting friends with whom we can squeeze their tips and tricks in parenting, and of course the hi-bye friends. 

We all have those categories. Don't we? And both are usually know where to stand. 

Expectation that doesn't meet up is sucks. So is having a friend who want to be your friend only when she / he wants to. 


At first you were friends. Then become good friend that leads to best friend. Wished you both can be best friends forever and promised you to come to your wedding and blah blah blah... and on one perfect day, she / he leaves you in despair without reasons. 
But (still) trying to be a best friend, we usually say "Oh, what is wrong? You know where to find me when you need me, okay?" 
We all know that 'Nothing is wrong' or 'I want to be alone' is the biggest lie in the world, and staying honest is always a tough option. That would include telling your friend why you want to cut off the friendship. 
But hey my friend, once you lied, please also keep the lie that we ever have that friendship. So you don't have to come back and ask it back. 

Oh, there is usually a reason: "I want to be alone." This, my friend, in bitch's glossary means "Back off! I mean... now!"