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Have a faith

“Some people choose to keep running in circle. Every time a chance comes to break the circle, they respond it slowly as if the universe always runs as they expected it to be. When they missed the chance, they will say, “I did try my best, it is not meant to be mine.”

That was a thought I typed on my Path a few minutes ago. Not long after it was uploaded, my Whatsapp rang. “Was your status for me?” she asked. I said, “No, not at all. It was for all of us.”

Being a passive Twitterist, I noticed people in my timeline are just trashing most of the time. They made a rant about their unhappiness, or curses on twitter or many times, just a one-off buzz on the messenger leaving me a message like “I am bursting into tears now.” Or “I am so not happy.” Or “I want him, only him.” Or "What if this and what if that." – things I thought I would only found in the life of a teenager.

I sometimes wanted to slap them and said “You have been through nothing, bitch. Be strong, there are more unexpected and destructive things might come to you one day. Have you ever lost a kid? Have you ever lost someone you have been living together for quite some times? Have you ever tried to be a single mother? Have you ever lived with a daily basis income? Have you ever lived in 3 hours electrical supply everyday? Have you ever lived in conflicting area? Have you ever heard your son told you that he was hungry but there was nothing left to eat? Have you ever lived on your own in a strange land and you have to create your support system back from the scratch?

Then why do you still brag about traffic you know there will be traffic jam everywhere everyday, your stupid boss, your not-so-into-you-boyfriend/girlfriend, ... but do nothing about it?

Does someone have to be in their lowest point to learn that there are more important things to think of? I hope not. But apparently, experience is the most primitive way for human to learn. Go test your own limit, then. Be playful with your hatreds and hurtful. You are going to be fine, though. If it is not bitter, how can you be stronger? But don't be too long dingle-dangle in that phase. I know the dramatic feeling of being broken hearted, but hey … have a faith in life. Have a faith things will turn out fine. If it is not, it will someday.



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Life. Just like what I wanted.

Sounds so snobbish ya, saying life is just like what I wanted. But then I realized, semua itu karena emang aku enggak pengen apa-apa. Sekarang juga (ternyata) masih begitu. Dulu emang I treat my life like a blue print. Things to do piling up my list and my aims were to accomplish them. Alhamdulillah, semua tercapai. Tapi kemudian seperti ada titik tolak dalam hidup yang bikin  berhenti ingin terlalu banyak dari hidup. Entah karena merasa udah cukup banyak pencapaian pribadi baik yang bagus atau yang buruk, entah karena pernah kecewa berat sama yang namanya manusia atau karena alasan klise yang digadang-gadang semua manusia: anak.

Sekarang ini, lebih banyak menyambut apa yang datang ke dalam hidup. Termasuk, kembali ke agency lagi. Having thought that I am not some kind of 'Man in a mission' kind of person. I am just an 'I will do my best' of what comes in front of me kind of person.

Gini ceritanya.

Tiga belas bulan yang lalu, saya memutuskan untuk kembali bekerja setel…

love is love. marriage is another thing.

of all the things I ever wondered, ... I think I never wonder whom my kids will be married to. or to picture myself holding grand babies. not just a not yet, I think it is simply too hard to bear and too absurd to think of. but then I promise myself. I promise I will not ever push titan and luna to get married or even if they are married; I will not ask them when to have kids.

many times I wondered that marriage is overrated. and the only reason to get married is not love, but to realise life is too hard to bear when you are all alone. because, however, marriage is a conditional love. hubby once said, marriage is not all fancy and glitter. the lowest it can get is, to keep functioning and it will survive. how both parties can be functional one to another, is another story.

to ariawan, a guy of mine,
the one who always wake me up from my princessy dreams. love you.



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