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Me. Now.

Lately, I have been hearing some friends of mine (and to be honest, including me) are busy asking their friends and (of course) asking themselves, whether they are going to stay in advertising industry for (at least) another five years. While some others have started to grow their own business, we are still trying to figure out what we would do in our old days. Still we haven’t figured out yet, let alone of making the first step.

If I were asked why I jumped in to advertising, all I can say is … it’s a coincidence. I always want to major psychology, but one day on a lovely day, I read a poster about this newly opened major in University of Indonesia: Advertising, and I found some interesting subjects in it. So, I stripped down my choices in majoring psychology in Atma Jaya and let go my privilege in joining Mandarin literary in University of Indonesia and jumped myself in to the advertising subjects.

The question itself, leads to another question: why is it copywriter? Well, first was and still it is, because I cannot draw. Secondly, I was curious why on earth they named it Coca-Cola. Pretty absurd, but that was why I decided to become a copywriter. But the last, which is the most important of all, is because I simply love writing and 'bebikinan' as a concept. So, it is nice to work something you love about rite, though in the process still I need to compromise. Unless I am writing my own book and have it published my own, I will have still to compromise.

Filling in my career for about ten years, I had never thought I have jumped in to the wrong industry. I like doing my work, I am well paid, I managed myself to produce some works that were able to win some local awards that made me hijacked to some blue chip advertising affiliations in Indonesia, I pictured my final career will be a Creative Director or a Strategic Planner in my mid thirties.

But you know what, ... that was me not so long ago. Now, things are different.

I actually feel funny to realize some part of me has been shifting into another direction. I realized that I don’t want to be a Creative Director and I just want to keep creating. Is it to create advertising awards and inspiring campaign for a brand,  or create my own business or write my own book,  that’s another story. But I don’t want to be deeply involved in giant organization, play the management game and have the responsibility to nurture young creatives and bring the brand to another level.  

I had never pictured myself to leave the comfort zone of getting fixed income every month, health insurance and bonuses (If I am lucky), but now ... I do.

I had never pictured myself I would be happier if I stay at home and do the chores. I had never imagined I would be happy to feel the wind blow the curtain and I would just lying down on the clean, squeaky floor and happily looking at the ceiling and thinking what menu for dinner. But now, I do. 

I don't know whether I will leave capitalist company and start my own business soon, or I will stay and climb this organizational ladder. This is the first time in my life when keep changing is not bad at all, because it is not about being inconsistent. This, is about setting up short term objectives and no plan B. Everything is a main plan. Keep changing means adjusting for better days and being realistic when things are not fit in well. One thing for sure is, that I am still trying to remind myself as well.  That by being realistic my life would be much simpler. The dream part? Let it be my son's.

Hmmm, that is pretty much how me is. For now.


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love is love. marriage is another thing.

of all the things I ever wondered, ... I think I never wonder whom my kids will be married to. or to picture myself holding grand babies. not just a not yet, I think it is simply too hard to bear and too absurd to think of. but then I promise myself. I promise I will not ever push titan and luna to get married or even if they are married; I will not ask them when to have kids.

many times I wondered that marriage is overrated. and the only reason to get married is not love, but to realise life is too hard to bear when you are all alone. because, however, marriage is a conditional love. hubby once said, marriage is not all fancy and glitter. the lowest it can get is, to keep functioning and it will survive. how both parties can be functional one to another, is another story.

to ariawan, a guy of mine,
the one who always wake me up from my princessy dreams. love you.

Three hours late.

2 AM and I stepped in to the house. Hubby was waiting for me. This was not the first time, and not the latest hour I had ever experienced with over time.

"See you soon Bunda. Or at 8, or at 9, or at 10, or at 11 like you said you would be late." Said my son.

I smiled as I entered the house. I smelled home. I saw my beautiful mess. As I picked up some toys on the floor, I imagined what games the kids had played today. There was a drawing, mini ceramics pots, not too chaotic for kids who were left with nini and aki without nannies.

I also saw their time tables, with some check marks on the list. Those that they weren't checked was the responsibility to wash their own dishes. I saw some dirty cups piling up. I saw the microwave's door left half-opened, a baking sheet and a knife. I wonder what they have cooked.
I also saw minecraft was in active window and some search on youtube and google.

Getting home in this hour and not seeing their faces but seeing all the mess the…

Life. Just like what I wanted.

Tiga belas bulan yang lalu, saya memutuskan untuk kembali bekerja setelah 2,5 tahun jadi freelance (tapi lebih banyak free-nya sih hahaha). Satu-satunya yang bikin saya merasa harus bekerja ya cuma Apple. Sisanya, banyak project yang saya tolak-tolakin karena males aja sih intinya. Belaguk bangetlah pokoknya.

Setelah merasa udah nggak produktif lagi di rumah, otak berasa tumpul dan rasa percaya diri udah nyungsep, saat itulah saya terima tawaran untuk kembali ke advertising. Banyak yang nyinyir sih, menganggap industri itu gelap banget dan ngapain udah enak-enak di rumah kok ya balik ngantor. Alasannya cuma satu: bosen di rumah.

Enggak tahu hal baik apa yang telah saya lakukan dalam hidup, ternyata saya dianugerahi tim yang baiiiiik banget. Anaknya manis-manis, good attitude dan yang paling penting; penuh tanggung jawab. Saya ngerasa banyak belajar dari mereka. Mulai hal baru di luaran sana sampai cara pakai krim mata. Enggak sedikit juga kesedihan yang kita tanggung bareng-bareng, da…