18:45

Ada saatnya dimana segala sesuatu tetap tidak bisa mengisi relung yang satu itu
Yang akan tetap mendengung lembut saat angin mencoba merasuk hingga menimbulkan rasa tertusuk
Relung yang tetap merindu, dimana debu tak bisa menyapu gurat wajahmu meski dalam bayang
Relung yang tetap bernyanyi melafalkan satu nama dan sebait doa untuk angin
agar angin menghantarkannya ke seberang.

souls in shadows

menyapa sopan jiwa-jiwa yang kelam
yang bayangnya ingin kupinjam
hanya malam ini saja
toh dia akan meninggalkanmu dalam gelap
dan melayang, mengembara entah pergi kemana

dan akan kusemat dia di sela jeda antara
detak yang teratur

saat surya menyapa
dan bayangmu harus kembali 
kan kuhembus paruh jiwaku kepadanya
dan lahirlah aku di bayangmu

agar saat gelap merayap
dan dia pergi meninggalkanmu
kamu tidak sendiri
ada aku di sini.

Yuk terus berirama, 
dengan tetap menyisakan sedikit ruang ketidakpastian.

Aku ingin ambilkan kamu bulan

Aku ingin ambilkan kamu bulan

Supaya orbitalnya berpindah kepadamu

Dan kamu akan selalu berputar di sekelilingku

Aku ingin ambilkan kamu bulan

Supaya kamu tidak hidup di dalam bayang

Supaya aku bisa menelusuri garis wajahmu karena kini kamu berdiri dalam terang

Aku ingin ambilkan kamu bulan

Supaya aku tidak perlu lagi menunggu malam

hanya untuk bertemu kamu dalam mimpiku

Aku ingin ambilkan kamu bulan

Supaya hanya kamu yang bisa menarik gravitasiku

Dan air pun memasang hingga asin bahagia berurai di mataku

Aku ingin ambilkan kamu bulan

Tapi sayang, … aku tidak bisa.  

Karena aku menghitung demi purnama

Hingga akhirnya ia mengizinkanku untuk bertemu denganmu

An interlude

"Can you sing real?
Utter what your heart is really feel,
instead of saying things that I want to hear.
It is the only way my broken heart be healed."

Investment to be alive

This is a note to myself #2

People usually do invest on money to survive.
But like investing our money, we can actually invest on ideas.
Little by little, we do it every day in different forms, and we will see in the future which ideas have grown and survived the evolution.
This is what I call an investment not only to survive, its to be alive.

Living a pie chart

This is a note to myself #1

The holy bible said that things will be beautiful on its own time.
Some of us might think that momentum will determine everything,
that when the time is right then everything would be beautiful.

Yes, that is true. But, what if we see it from another angle.
Why don’t we make something beautiful at every time?
So it is like living a pie chart; when you diver your day into little chunks and you do different things you love in each chunk. Yes, you will not finish a project in a day, but at least you start many things little by little in every time.
So the focus is not on the object you are doing, but on the subject instead. Focus on keep doing things.

A little thought for the future

Of all the things I am worried of growing a child, what I worried most is my child’s formal education or it’s what we usually call school education. Not to mention their emotional and spiritual growth is not important, but school education is something you need to think thoroughly because you can’t ever flipped back the pages you and your kids been through. Once we entered the system and that would be the path of how our kids deal with at least for a whole year through. To add with, we can’t ever forecast the future while we need to fill in our kids through education, for their future.

I am one of the Indonesian massive public education graduates, and I am sorry to say that my times during school times were stressful. Not because I am too stupid, but in contrary, everything was based on academic and I was too stressful to maintain my position in the top scorer league. My objective was how to give perfect answers to all quizzes I had back then, not to understand of how things went like this or that, or busily experiencing my mistakes during those trial-error times, which were school times. I did not have enough time to explore thoroughly what my interests were, I did not have enough time to discover myself. Sad, yes it was. But I thank God I have great parents who always support me to explore what I want in life, up to this moment.

Now is the time that I am being a parent. I grew-up with score as the only variable that determined the stressfulness of getting through school times and it is not easy to change my mindset to modern education. But yes, I do really want to switch. I don’t want my son to be stressful like me. I don’t want he thinks good scores will determine his success in the future. I want him to explore his interest, and I don’t want to carve my preferences on him any deeper. I want him to do trial-error in his school times and learn its consequences. I want him to grow up not to avoid mistake, but to be the expert of how to recover from his mistakes. When he goes to school, I want him to have fun by playing, meeting his friends and found himself.

I think these are what we need to achieve in basic educational program, to develop our kids' self-confidence and make peace with them self by exploring their selves better.