Thursday, 24 March 2011


One day in an urban life, when most people needed at least three hours to reach their office and back home and worked for almost eleven hours per day. The sky was dusky with a little lilac drapery.  As flying dragons back to their castle and replaced by the shadow dementors who are ready to suck your tired soul residue, there we saw a princess talking to her hope-to-be prince in the dim light. 

Like other princess who believes she lives in the fantasy world she can only control and understand, and like Cinderella who came to the party with a ticking-clock  insecure feeling, she asked him. “Why are you here with me and loving me with all your breath?”

“Because I believe, this is my chance.” said the guy firm. 

“Do you love me that much?” asked the girl back. 

“No. I just love you. Because if I love you that much, by this time you should be at your happiest moment and I would not know how to make you even more happier in the future.” Said the guy as he sipped his 16 years old sauvignon.    

The girl looked disappointed. “Do you love me?” she said in reluctant. But she knows, whatever what the guy would say, she would rather believe in what she wanted to believe. 

“I do.” Said the guy in a single breath.

“Will you stay?” another doubts came out. 

“I will. In whatever form you want me to be.” He answered. 

The girl took a deep breath. A final question was about to burst out. Is it ‘Will you marry me?’ No, the question is way too easy to be answered. Instead, she asked him: “Will you love me forever?”


The guy got silent. Sixteen years old sauvignon suddenly tasted like urine and you needed to swallow nonetheless. It took him a few minutes, few flashback sand few premonitions for the future. But he realized that he is here. Now, at this very moment, and can’t ever get away to where ever he wanted him to be. 

“No, I cannot promise you that.” The guy said. 

The girl’s visions got blurred, tears started running down her face. Of course, in a very dramatic slow motion like it took the tears forever to finally dropping down. 

“Knowing myself very much, I cannot promise you whatever things in forever time. But my lady, I can promise you I will love you today … and tomorrow.  And by the time tomorrow comes, I hope I can  promise you I will love you today and tomorrow again until it fulfills your forever, forever.”

Suddenly the girl forgot she was a princess. She forgot her castle. She forgot she wore shoes that were made of glass. She forgot the pixie dust. For the first time in her life she realized one thing, that when the midnight comes, she would never ever change to someone she was never be.  

Monday, 14 March 2011

Life in the next level

Once I wrote about love, my invisible spines, my possible hero, my satellite, flesh and blood, my deadly dreams and everything that made me who I am today; and not a single thing I am regret of what happened. I am grateful. And you know what, I realized this when my 3,5 years old son got into his first day of school. And I was like … amazingly stunned. He cried in most of his classes, but he survived until the bell rang. First cut is always the deeper my boy; and we will always have those moments in every fragment of our life.

I have been through a lot, and of all the things I have lost; I realized that I may not and should not and cannot lose myself. Since your own shadow would leave you in the dark, you are what you got therefore you should get a grip on yourself. Then, you could see other things you got in life.  Those people who will support you all along, people who stay, new people you met, or sometimes with any luck … people in the past who then gives you hope for the future.  In contrary, when things got blurred and you could not even see yourself clearly, bigger chance is that you would lose people you love as well.

As my little guy entered his class, I looked at him from afar. “How he grew so fast. From breast milk to lollipops, from midnight crying to warm laughs, from nagging to songs he sang me, … look at him now!” My heart murmured. He has grown and so have I.   

I realized that everything in this world had its expiry date: age, love, job, our sadness or happiness, even a lousy meeting with nasty clients. When things are bad, I should have remembered that it will not last forever. When things are wonderful, I should have realized as well; it will be gone soon and so I should have enjoyed every bits and stop worrying.

So here I am now, with a life in the next level. Never at once I doubt on love, because it is the thing that gives you courage and that include the love of yourself. Getting hurt? Yes, that is one of my biggest fear. But you know what, … we are going to get hurt someday anyway.“Nothing comes later or sooner. Things are just have to happen just the way they should be.” My lovely mother said.