Friday, April 30, 2010

Be careful of what you wish for

When I was a little girl, I love to watch Star Trek. Yup, Data was my favorite character. Despite of his John Cusack look alike, Data is a quiet, naïve and nice guy. Having watched Star Trek too much after school, it drove me to a wish of having such an ability they had, to be able to transform myself to other part of the world. Will we really be able to do that someday?

What if we actually … can!

What if, we are actually living in chaotic wires where you hardly know which one is dream or which one is real? When what you are dreaming is real and what you see now is what you dreamed about.

What if, there is no such a thing as past, present or future. All is present continuous tense.

What if life is just a parallel world and we are jumping in and out of the channels. It’s like tuning a radio. When the weather is good, all is well. Good songs, nice presenter, bright and clear on your ear. But when the weather is bad, it’s hard to tune the right frequency. You feel so confident with the frequency of your favorite channels, but it seems that today is just not an ordinary day. Noises are what you hear, and you just want to shut the radio down. And you did shut it down, but somehow the noises keeps coming even the cord has been unplugged.

If it happens, if it is how the universe works, we might never have a rest then. Even when we are sleeping, we are just entering other channels. We are just changing our frequency. We are just switching to another side of life where we will meet monsters we hate, or in reverse, where we will meet the most beautiful creatures we love to see.

And back to my wish of having an idea to transport myself, I guess I have to thank a friend for his birthday text a year back then. He said “Happy birthday dear friend, be careful of what you wish for cause it might come true.”
I don’t want people to look at me like a fool, when I said
“I think I have been here. Wait, … was it real or was it a dream?”
“See, I told you so! Uhm .. wait, did I tell you literally or did I tell you in my dream?”
Then I would shut my mouth up and think. And I could not figure out, was it real or dream? Then slowly I start to lose my faith. In me.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

what are you made of?

L’oreal . Bodyshop . Dettol . Dove . ROC . Carex . Snowman drawing pen . Faber Castle pencils. Boxy black erasers . Philips . Panasonic . Samsung . Sony . SonyEricsson . La Germania . Electrolux . Nikon . Sennheiser . Telkomsel . Esia . Hewlet Packard . Golla bag . Estetiderma . Himalayan Herbals night cream . Elle & Vire . Cheesedale . La Vache Qui Rit . Susu Ultra . Japanese Mayo (the baby logo) . ELC . Mothercare . Sebamed . Johnson's & Johnson's . Davidoff cool water . Eternity for Men . Kenzo Flower . Benetton Clean Fresh . Bath & Body Works . Rexona for men . Honda . Antiplaque . Paseo . Wetkins . Rotelli . Charles & Keith . Olbas . Reebok . Casio . Seiko . Tag Heuer . Sing-sing ramen . Tefal . Bank Niaga . Levi’s . Teh Upet . Susu Bendera . Kenalog . Ruffles chips . Pringles . Silver Queen . Lindt . Kinder . Fererro Rocher . Fanta . Ikan asin gabus . My mom's sambal . Sprite . Lemon squash . Mojito . Gillette . Pepsodent sensitive toothbrush . Citibank . Lyra art supplies . Ranch Market . Superindo . Lily flowers . Satire . self-designed furnitures . Raindrops . Rainbow . Blogger . Firefox . Google engine . Google mail . Google docs . Google reader . Mitsushiba . Cotton candy . BreadTalk . Sari Roti . Sushi Tei . Blitz . The KooP . U2 . Cinnabar . Bach Minuet in G major . Learn to love with my father . Learn to survive with my mother . Learning life with my son . Forgetful . Ajo Ramon . Glockenspiel . Sunny side-up float in the swimming pool . Night swimming . Yahoo!Messenger . Hugs . Gramedia . Kinokuniya . Aksara . Perspective illiterate . Cylindrical eyes . Prefer yogurt than ice cream . No such a thing as sweet green tea . Caramel . Moscatto . Home made crepes . White . Eyes . Eyebrows . Yamaha . Stradivarius . Blanket . Hoodie . Blythe . Constellations . iTunes . iPod . Studio Ghibli . Sweet dreams . Nightmares . Astraphobia . Wizard of Oz . Write . Gibran . Neil Gaiman . Enid Blyton . Lemony Snicket . Tears . Laugh . Love . You . These are what I am made of . So far .

Monday, April 26, 2010

Love, ... once again

*smiling ....
Maybe like most arians do, I fall in love everyday
I fall in love with the way my son tickles my back
I fall in love with the sun beams that give a blush on my cheek and boost my day with its warmth
I fall in love with the morning dew, softly touch my tongue as i lick the leaf
I fall in love with the cottony sky
I fall in love with the rain drops and how the wind cares my eyelashes
I fall in love with rainbows, i want to shoot its lovely colors to my veins
I fall in love with my depictions of yours
I fall in love with the feeling you gave me
I fall in love with your whispers; they sing me lullaby and hug me tight all through the night
I fall in love of how you'll never let me go
I fall in love of how you tickle
I fall in love of how you chuckle
I fall in love with the white shadows than enlighten my darkest nightmare
I fall in love every time I open my eyes, and I see you in my heart
I fall in love with the crushing sound of my broken heart; for I have fallen with my version of you 
I fall in love with you my love
I fall in love with love

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Anggur terbaik di dunia

Botol anggur merah di hadapanku tiga perempat kosong. Seperempatnya sebentar lagi akan masuk ke kerongkongan dan merayapi saluran cerna sampai akhirnya menyerap dan bersatu dengan detak. Detak dalam detik yang menggelitik otak hingga membuatku mabuk.

Lalu kamu hanya tertawa. Kamu bilang, anggur tidak akan membuatku mabuk.

Siapa bilang aku mabuk anggur? Aku mabuk kamu! Kataku. Tentunya, dalam hati.

Anggur itu minuman para dewa. Mereka yang membuatnya, bukan manusia. Tidak ada yang tahu apa yang terjadi setelah anggur-anggur itu ditutup dan dibiarkan tanpa usaha. Hingga akhirnya berbagai rasa tercipta dan terasa begitu nikmat saat ia menyentuh ujung bibirmu. Katamu.

Kudengarkan kata-katamu dengan telingaku. Tapi tidak dengan pikiranku. Karena manusia-manusia kecil di dalam kepalaku lebih berani untuk mandiri dan menentukan sikap mereka. Dan kali ini, mereka memutuskan untuk sibuk dengan dunianya sendiri.

Tapi … dewa? Bagiku semuanya justru sangat humanis. Karena membuat anggur itu sama dengan menyimpan perasaanku untuk kamu. Kupetik, dan kusimpan bertahun-tahun. Aku tutup rapat, dan tak pernah kubiarkan alkoholnya bocor ke udara. Hingga saatnya tiba, ia akan meletup dengan sendirinya. Memberi hawa yang membuatmu terlena dan efeknya sama memabukkannya.

Kamu masih terus bicara. Sampai akhirnya kamu berkata. Ah, anggur ini telah membuatmu mengantuk. Oh, berapa kali harus aku bilang. Aku tidak mengantuk. Aku mabuk. Aku mabuk kamu! Kataku. Tentunya, dalam hati.

Tapi kamu tidak akan percaya kalau aku mabuk. Karena menurut kamu, anggur itu tidak memabukkan. Ya, kan? Kamu memang tidak pernah percaya aku. Tapi aku percaya kamu telah kembali. Dan kamu membawa anggur merah yang terbaik di dunia. Untuk aku. Darah yang mengalir dalam nadimu.


Tuesday, April 13, 2010


Entering my thirty-first’s round revolving the sun. Of all the things I have to learn about finding out the answers of God’s riddles, there is one subject who has been on top of my list, needs to be cracked: LOVE. Whether it is about the love itself, how I love and how to be loved.

Love is like the same, old, classic subject and I have been taking the class over and over, but I had never understood the lesson behind it. This is my most favorite subject but again, I failed over and over. This is the class I always wait for, for it gives me the thrilling sense of listening to the teacher, digest them inside my brain, seed them to my heart and I can’t hardly wait for some lab experiment making love potions. And this is the only subject i wish there never be assignments. But come to think of it, this is the lesson that is always put to the test. Mostly, without prior notice.

I have no idea what love is. I even want to tell my son “Son, this is the lesson I can’t teach you and you need to learn yourself.” And I might have ever lost my hope on love, and I might have felt that love is merely a concept and over-rated. All I know, so far, is when you love someone; you do something about it. Let alone of finding my true love.

But then I learned that love is not only about how I think of it. Yes, love is about feeling. You can’t really describe what love is or why you love someone. You cannot think what you feel, for your glossary of words can never be sufficient enough to describe what you are feeling. Then I learned that love comes in many forms. Through hatreds, envy, jealousy, anger, or sometimes comes in an even more descent package of attention, companion, comforts and good conversations.

I learned Love is about to see (with your heart), the people around who loves you. How they want you to be happy and how they tried hard for your happiness, and how they expect you always to be happy. And this is the biggest bless from The Almighty which I am grateful with. I always surrounded by people who loves me. And they are the people who gave me the strength to face this cruel world. And they are my form of love.

I learned that ... feelings will find their way.

And in my thirty first’s round of revolving the sun, none of my love is lessen. It has been topping up, from time to time. Thank you, and I always love you. Being 31, … I love it so far.


Monday, April 12, 2010

hari ini,
satu harapan hinggap di pangkuan. 

life is in your hand

i'd just really understood the term "Life is in your hand" when i accidentally tangled with this rubik. one little flaw that needed a HUGE courage to fix it.

rubik is about a process to put things together to get what we (thought) we wanted. what we (thought) we expected. what we (thought) we had in mind ... and so is life.

many times, it is hard for us to mess up everything we have done. 1, 2, 3, 4 , 5 and on. and then we become compromise of little mistake. little flaws. but if we eager to take risk to destroy everything, we might have a bigger change to be succeed. which hopefully, perfect.

if only life is not also about people around, those you love, ... i think it would be wonderful to play around with your life. checkered with trial and error, on and on until you finally found what you are looking for. and then you will die, right before you can enjoy your victory.

but that's life, i guess. it is always about other people. it is a matter of how we can steal a little chunk of the pie to enjoy ourself. pieces of crumbs that really made your day :)

namaste, life!


Friday, April 09, 2010

in one of those days
when rain is pouring hard

in one of those days
when mouth is so mute, and head is so aloud

in one of those day
when tires hit the ground, is the only thing that make a sound


Wednesday, April 07, 2010


The sun has just taken a rest from its longest journey
Ashamedly hiding behind the golden drapery
And as your silhouette lengthen
Shadows of the past appear in mosaic pattern

I am looking at the sky
But all I see is the falling leaves
Like puzzles in thousands of pieces
Falling down to its places

Many people passing by
Why it’s only you who says goodbye
Is it because you will be back someday
With a love bigger than today

A cup of coffee in my hand
Will I drink it, will I not
Cause its getting cold
And I am getting old


Thursday, April 01, 2010

Tentang kamu di suatu pagi

Saat itu. Aku, aki dan dirimu; La Luna.  Naik motor di pagi hari, mengantarmu bersekolah untuk belajar dan berlari-lari.  Kamu di paling ...