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an epilog to my journey

There I was, flying in between the clouds. With my two hands that were so tiny to bear the huge clouds. Clouds that used to be white and light as cotton, it became dark and swollen. It was almost raining. Then I stopped flying for a little while and enjoyed the scenery while floating in the air.

In a point of your life, when you just don’t know what to do, all you need is just admitting. And amazingly, the bulky swollen dark clouds started rearranged themselves into thin layers. It was thinner and thinner until I finally saw the clearer sky.

There I was with a beautiful stranger. Tanned skin, brownish shoulder-length hair, his hazel eyes greeted me. The sand beach sprinkle on his cheek gave a little spark for my day. In one word, he was an olive. We chat, we laughed under the starry sky and lulled by the whisper of the wave. No judgments, no assumptions, no demands, no expectation. For we thought we would never meet again in the other day. We just cherished the day we met and be grateful of what we had. Period. Sometimes, or many times if I may say, a stranger can really be your true friend.

The word ‘stranger’ is somewhat beautiful. If only I knew that I have always been a stranger everyday, I would never be afraid to always find the new me. For it will give me the strength to admit who I was and what I have done wrong. If only I knew the person I love has always been a stranger in everyday, I would never feel tired to know more about the new him/her in every single day. For the first time in my life, I realized that being inconsistent is good.

There I was, got drown in the wild ocean. Looking for a help but no one was there. When I got choked. When I lost my breath. When I felt I had enough. When I would rather die. But it did not kill me, anyway. It only made my lungs stronger to breathe more volume of the air. I have learnt that I need to scream louder. I have also learnt that I was my own savior and will always be. And I realized the wave that drowned me, was the one that pushed me up to the surface. Many times, it is a disaster or those people you hate that saved you.

May the positive energy stays in me and the people I love.

Anantara Seminyak, 2009.

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love is love. marriage is another thing.

of all the things I ever wondered, ... I think I never wonder whom my kids will be married to. or to picture myself holding grand babies. not just a not yet, I think it is simply too hard to bear and too absurd to think of. but then I promise myself. I promise I will not ever push titan and luna to get married or even if they are married; I will not ask them when to have kids.

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