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The circle of life

Malicca is nearly 7 yet he asked me questions like adults. The past few weeks, he asked me lots and lots of philosophical questions like why did God create woman, why do we need to pray, why children cannot marry their parents and the newest question is about death.

This is what happened two weeks ago. Right after he got back from the friday prayer with aki.

I was nursing La Luna in the bed room when I saw the silhouette of my satellite in the window. He quickly got into the room with panting breath.

"Bunda! Today is my first time! First time!!! My first time pray for the dead in the mosque!
Kasihan deh, nda."

"Wow, really? I never do that. Yet. How did it go?"

"Ya Titan sholat aja ngikutin orang-orang."

"Did you stand in front?"

"No. At the back with aki."

"Oh, I bet you could only see adult's feet. You were the only kid, I guess."

"Yes, I was the only boy. Kasihan ya, Nda."


Hmmmm *bunda pun menerawang jauh.*


Then I remember my conversation with him back then. A conversation about how if I die earlier and who he gonna live with.

"Titan, kalo bunda meninggal nanti kamu tinggal sama siapa ya? Kamu mau tinggal sama siapa?"

"Hmmm, sama aki - nini aja ya Nda di sini. Di rumah ini. Kalau aki- nini sudah enggak ada, ya sama bubu. Di rumah sini juga. Kalau Bubu enggak ada, Titan baru tinggal di Depok sama ayah. Kalau ayah enggak ada juga, baru tinggal sama neni - eyang di Depok juga. Naaah, kalo semua udah enggak ada baru deh Titan bingung hahahaha."

"Hahahaha, masa sih tiba-tiba semua enggak ada? eh iya, masih ada uwak-uwak lho!"

"Oh iya, masih ada uwak budi, uwak ary, uwak amel, uwak dyah ya hehehe...."

"Jadi kalau bunda udah meninggal Titan tetep pengen tinggal di sini ya?"

"Iya, kan sekolah Titan juga di deket sini."

"Good point."


*bunda kembali menerawang.
 ada rasa sakit di tenggorokan, ngebayangin harus kehilangan momen anak-anak tumbuh besar.*


Baru-baru ini, ternyata aku juga baru tahu kalau Titan sama seperti aku, suka memperhatikan pengumuman di masjid saat ada orang meninggal dunia. Lelaki atau perempuan. Umur mereka. Kemudian, kita membaca Al-Fatihah. Suatu malam setelah maghrib, Titan tiba-tiba nyolek aku.

"Nda, kasian  ya?"

"Siapa yang kasihan?"

"Tuh, dengerin di masjid ada yang meninggal. Udah baca Al-Fatihah belum?"

"Oh, sudah."

Kasihan. Yes, it was his first impression.
Do we feel pity for the corpse, or the people who are left behind?
But maybe, the biggest question is: "What if it is me who died?"

Dear son,
before we get any further and I am sure we will get there in no time, maybe we can see it this way: that in life; things come in pair to create balance. Or many times, to get our life easier.

Why easier? Can you imagine living with one hand? It will be harder to pull off your lego or to pick up something. That is why God gave us right hand and left hand.

Can you imagine living only in sadness? Noooo ... that is why there is happy feelings as well. So we live in balance.

So it is with dying and living. When someone is born, there's gotta be someone who dies. There's gotta be someone who come and people who went away. That is natural, that is life. Like a circle. Like Lion King movie. When Mufasa dies, then Simba comes to rule the pride rock kingdom.

About those who are left behind, they will survive anyway. God gave us the power to adapt. To get the circle of life keep going.

I know, they might sound simple. But in real life, it is not. Because we, human, tend to own something and cannot let things go. And yes, that could be our next topic.

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to ariawan, a guy of mine,
the one who always wake me up from my princessy dreams. love you.



Three hours late.

2 AM and I stepped in to the house. Hubby was waiting for me. This was not the first time, and not the latest hour I had ever experienced with over time.

"See you soon Bunda. Or at 8, or at 9, or at 10, or at 11 like you said you would be late." Said my son.

I smiled as I entered the house. I smelled home. I saw my beautiful mess. As I picked up some toys on the floor, I imagined what games the kids had played today. There was a drawing, mini ceramics pots, not too chaotic for kids who were left with nini and aki without nannies.

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I also saw minecraft was in active window and some search on youtube and google.

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