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"Bundaaaa... for you." He said while coming into the bed room.
"Lookin good, where did you get the vase?" 
"I found it in the kitchen"

I am grateful for having a little gentleman in the house, an addition after the senior: my husband.
Not only this time, not only because he sees what hubby did to me with flowers, he did give me flowers since he was a little boy.

Yes, he has always been my guy.

Not only because we have the mother and son's bound, but there were times when all we got were just the two of us. me and malicca's father got separated when he was three, and he managed to protect me ever since.

Being born as a real Taurian makes him a sensitive guy. So sensitive sometimes I get worried he will be a mushy boy.

He knows when I am sad, when I get angry, and he always asks.
"Are you sad? Am I being a bad boy?"
"Are you crying? What happened?"
"Are you angry?" 

and when I really do angry (to him), I only say "Yes I am. Do you know what you have to do?"
and yes, he always knows what he has to do. (many times, i need to be angry first to make him do what he has to do, though hahaha).

He is six now and still racing with time to reach his minimal weight: 21 kgs in five months. I sometimes wonder what's his thinking. To have a step sister, a step father. Though he always says he is happy there is a slight worry in me.

Malicca, I want to talk to you.
Yes bunda ibu yang cantik dan punya bayi cantik, what do you want to talk about?

and we started to talk about many serious things.

Do you have any questions? Bilang gitu dong Bunda. He said.

Do you have any questions? I said.
No. He said.
Thank you for reminding me. He continued.


How can I not love you, malaika? 

I wish you to grow healthy and strong.
To be able to responsible for your own, and for others.
Full of respect to others, and love and softness to women.
I know you have that empathy for others and it is a good start.

Amien. 

You are good, you are kind, you are important.
Remember  that.


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love is love. marriage is another thing.

of all the things I ever wondered, ... I think I never wonder whom my kids will be married to. or to picture myself holding grand babies. not just a not yet, I think it is simply too hard to bear and too absurd to think of. but then I promise myself. I promise I will not ever push titan and luna to get married or even if they are married; I will not ask them when to have kids.

many times I wondered that marriage is overrated. and the only reason to get married is not love, but to realise life is too hard to bear when you are all alone. because, however, marriage is a conditional love. hubby once said, marriage is not all fancy and glitter. the lowest it can get is, to keep functioning and it will survive. how both parties can be functional one to another, is another story.

to ariawan, a guy of mine,
the one who always wake me up from my princessy dreams. love you.



Three hours late.

2 AM and I stepped in to the house. Hubby was waiting for me. This was not the first time, and not the latest hour I had ever experienced with over time.

"See you soon Bunda. Or at 8, or at 9, or at 10, or at 11 like you said you would be late." Said my son.

I smiled as I entered the house. I smelled home. I saw my beautiful mess. As I picked up some toys on the floor, I imagined what games the kids had played today. There was a drawing, mini ceramics pots, not too chaotic for kids who were left with nini and aki without nannies.

I also saw their time tables, with some check marks on the list. Those that they weren't checked was the responsibility to wash their own dishes. I saw some dirty cups piling up. I saw the microwave's door left half-opened, a baking sheet and a knife. I wonder what they have cooked.
I also saw minecraft was in active window and some search on youtube and google.

Getting home in this hour and not seeing their faces but seeing all the mess the…

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