Tuesday, October 29, 2013

"Bunda, bunda kok tambah gendut sih?"
*pukpuk perut*

"Tuh kan, ... enak kaya bantal. Aaaa... Titan pengen bobo di perut Bunda ajaaaa"
*boboan*

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

I love you and ...

... I am blessed that you are loved by many people too.

Well,
as we know it, you got [krey-zee] about Titanic for the past months as you wrote here.
Hence, you do not need to figure-out how people know about this current fetish of yours :)
Because sometimes, to know someone is not always through the words they say.
But rather through what they showed to people.

Yet you showed us your titanic drawings.
Your titanic lego.
Your history path on our YouTube (keyword: Titanic sinking ship).
And they were how we know how much you mad about the maiden cruise of Titanic.

Thanks to Tante @dialita who found the book for you.
She even gave you her Titanic exhibition ticket (no Malicca, she did not survived from the lifeboat like you thought *LOL)

So by all means,
you should be grateful for your life.
For the people around you.
Because you were loved. By many.
Remember that, always.








Tuesday, October 22, 2013

a love letter

Dear Malicca,

you have been giving me things all along.
Start from your paintings, drawings, stories you made yourself or letters.

Today, I got another letter from you.
But of all letters you gave me, this one is a bit different.
I felt this one is more ... personal.
It was like you wrote it from the bottom of your heart.
It was like you were telling me how disappointed you were (because I left you to the office),
... but you loved me nevertheless (I knew it from your closing lines).

Terima kasih ya sayang,
and one thing for sure;
I never felt a single bit of boredom taking care of you and your little sister.
You are my children.
It is just sometimes, ... or many times,
mom got to do what mom got to do.
And you will know, those are all for you.

I love you nonetheless!





Thank you (again) my son

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you may remember my post about what i thought was wrong about rising a kid. Yet the hypothesis is proven day by day. 

This time, I am challenged to be a better mom. A better person, by enhancing my listening skill which I thought I am good enough. But one night, I realized that mine was poor. 

I may have listened to what my friends shared. I may have listened good or bad news. I may have listened to what the universe said. Or my heart. But listening to a little kid, bragging about one thing over and over and over again, that is the particular part I need to elaborate (now I sound like an Account Servicing, using the word ‘elaborate’). 

Who doesn’t want to have a kid with a good listening skill? Not only it will bring them to a nice circle of friendship, good listening skill also brings kids to a better cognitive development. Because only with good listening skill, kids can digest the direction given before they do their worksheet at school. But how can they become a good listener if we, parents, are not a good listener themselves. 

I was also challenged to face the reality that my baby boy is no longer a baby boy. He is now a big boy with his personal space and ownership. I must now respect his privacy. 
(Oh, I still cannot take that a little man can also have a thing called prahy-vuh-see


***

I tugged malicca to bed that night. To his room upstairs, together with me and baby Laluna. Like always, he brushed his teeth before bed. While putting the toothpaste to his toothbrush, he told me about his toy. Yes for the two thousands nine hundreds and twenty three times. I was carrying Luna and left the door half-opened while listening to him. Soon as he stopped, I smiled and closed the door. I put baby Laluna to bed. 

And the door opened. There, my beloved son was standing and looked at me in the eye. 
“I had not finished talking, Bunda. I was talking still and when I looked back; all I saw was the door closing. Why did you close the door?” He asked me seriously. 

I got stuttered. “I thought you were finished.” I defended myself. 

“I was not.” He said with a rolling eyes. 

Then he moved to his closet, looked it around and spotted what he looked for: the book section. He picked Dr. Seus’s while saying “... and why did you clean up the closet? Would you ask permission first, Bunda? This is my room.”

I was like ... oh wow. My baby boy is now a big boy and wanted me to put more respect on him. 

"I am sorry." I said. 

Two strikes! Yes, two strikes my son. You stroke me twice in the eye. You want me to respect you more by listening to what you say, and you want me to respect your personal space and I felt bad for having trespassed your privacy. 

Thank you, my son.
Thank you for reminding me to be a better listener. Thank you for reminding me to always put my respect to you. Sorry for taking you for granted; that you are still my little baby boy and so I do everything for you. Sorry I have forgotten that “Let Me” is your keyword now.  And thank you to remind me; that sometimes, a good will can be bad only because we do it wrong.

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you may remember my post about what i thought was wrong about rising a kid. Yet the hypothesis is proven day by day. 

This time, I am challenged to be a better mom. A better person, by enhancing my listening skill which I thought I am good enough. But one night, I realized that mine was poor. 

I may have listened to what my friends shared. I may have listened good or bad news. I may have listened to what the universe said. Or my heart. But listening to a little kid, bragging about one thing over and over and over again, that is the particular part I need to elaborate (now I sound like an Account Servicing, using the word ‘elaborate’). 

Who doesn’t want to have a kid with a good listening skill? Not only it will bring them to a nice circle of friendship, good listening skill also brings kids to a better cognitive development. Because only with good listening skill, kids can digest the direction given before they do their worksheet at school. But how can they become a good listener if we, parents, are not a good listener themselves. 

I was also challenged to face the reality that my baby boy is no longer a baby boy. He is now a big boy with his personal space and ownership. I must now respect his privacy. 
(Oh, I still cannot take that a little man can also have a thing called prahy-vuh-see


***

I tugged malicca to bed that night. To his room upstairs, together with me and baby Laluna. Like always, he brushed his teeth before bed. While putting the toothpaste to his toothbrush, he told me about his toy. Yes for the two thousands nine hundreds and twenty three times. I was carrying Luna and left the door half-opened while listening to him. Soon as he stopped, I smiled and closed the door. I put baby Laluna to bed. 

And the door opened. There, my beloved son was standing and looked at me in the eye. 
“I had not finished talking, Bunda. I was talking still and when I looked back; all I saw was the door closing. Why did you close the door?” He asked me seriously. 

I got stuttered. “I thought you were finished.” I defended myself. 

“I was not.” He said with a rolling eyes. 

Then he moved to his closet, looked it around and spotted what he looked for: the book section. He picked Dr. Seus’s while saying “... and why did you clean up the closet? Would you ask permission first, Bunda? This is my room.”

I was like ... oh wow. My baby boy is now a big boy and wanted me to put more respect on him. 

"I am sorry." I said. 

Two strikes! Yes, two strikes my son. You stroke me twice in the eye. You want me to respect you more by listening to what you say, and you want me to respect your personal space and I felt bad for having trespassed your privacy. 

Thank you, my son.
Thank you for reminding me to be a better listener. Thank you for reminding me to always put my respect to you. Sorry for taking you for granted; that you are still my little baby boy and so I do everything for you. Sorry I have forgotten that “Let Me” is your keyword now.  And thank you to remind me; that sometimes, a good will can be bad only because we do it wrong.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Papa


for a hundred times you told me you want to be a papa when you grow up.
and today, also for the several times, i asked you why.
and here was what you said.

"
So I can protect you, Bunda. 
And I can go to work to the office so you don't have to go to work anymore.



aduh, terharu mendengarnya.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

let's call it a night

Tulisan ini bukan urban legend, tapi bukan juga realitas eksakta. pengalaman ini semata-mata asumsi yang subjektif sifatnya. tapi malam ini saya belajar, bahwa saya harus lebih berhati-hati lagi dalam berkata-kata. karena kata adalah doa. dan bahwa doa di hari arafah adalah sebaik-baiknya doa, yang makbul untuk dikabulkan. 

dan malam ini, adalah malam di hari idul adha.
saya, titan, luna dan ariawan lagi santai-santai di kamar anak-anak di atas. setelah hampir tujuh tahun kamar itu kosong, akhirnya kini menjadi 'sanctuary'  kami. setiap habis makan malam, pasti kami santai-santai di sana. gogoleran, browsing, membaca buku cerita hingga akhirnya anak-anak pun tertidur.
begitu juga malam itu. bedanya, kami gogoleran mulai lewat maghrib karena makan malam masih disiapkan. saya sedang asyik bermain-main bayangan tangan sama luna. di usinya yang tepat tiga bulan ini, ternyata matanya sudah sangat fokus memperhatikan beragam bentuk tangan di tirai kamar yang kebetulan berwarna putih dan ditembus bayangan lampu baca dari depan.
tiba-tiba, si kakak titan melepaskan pandangannya dari games di tab dan bergabung dengan saya dan luna. kami pun bermain semakin seru. entah kenapa, tiba-tiba timbullah pikiran jahil saya. perlahan saya singkap tirai dan menatap kebun gelap luas di kejauhan. titan pun mengikuti. lalu tiba-tiba saya teriak 'pocooong!'  sambil tiba-tiba menutup tirai dan titan pun lari ketakutan lalu memeluk saya dengan sangat erat. saya pun tertawa dan memeluknya. seperti biasa, saya berkata 'there is no such a thing as ghost, only in your mind."

lalu, tak lama kemudian, kami semua berjalan ke rumah orang tua saya untuk bersantap sate kambing bersama. kami berjalan beriringan, melewati pohon mangga besar di belakang rumah yang kebetulan memang gelap.
saat saya makan, luna mulai cranky karena panas dan mungkin asap sate yang mulai merasuki rumah. ariawan lalu segera membawanya pulang ke kamar untuk menidurkannya sementara titan masih asyik ikut membakar sate sama si uwak. tapi kemudian saya mendengar suara tangis luna yang luar biasa kerasnya. belum pernah saya mendengar ia menangis sekeras ini, apalagi luna termasuk golongan bayi yang 'anteng'. dan ketika itu saya sedang berada di rumah orang tua saya yang letaknya berseberangan dengan rumah saya.

segera saya berlari ke rumah lalu naik ke atas dimana luna berada. ternyata ariawan lagi menggendong-gendong luna di luar kamar. dengan tenang, segera saya peluk, bawa ke kamar, lalu saya susui. biasanya, menyusui adalah senjata paling ampuh untuk membuat bayi menjadi lebih tenang. tapi, tidak kali ini.
luna menyusu sambil marah-marah dan berkali-kali melepas dan meronta-ronta dari pelukan saya. saya pun mulai memeriksa setiap senti tubuhnya, takut ada yang terluka atau perut yang kolik. tidak ada sesuatu yang salah dengan tubuhnya, dan saya pun mulai bertanya-tanya.

selama ia menangis dengan sangat keras, saya lihat ariawan terduduk dan matanya terpejam. ini juga aneh, biasanya kalau luna menangis sekeras ini dia pasti ikut sibuk mencoba untuk menenangkan.

akhirnya ariawan pun membuka matanya. dengan tenang ia berkata "dibawa keluar aja dulu, biar tenang." lalu saya meninggalkan ariawan dan membawa luna ke teras atas. biasanya, luna menjadi lebih tenang kalau terkena sepoi angin dan melihat langit. untungnya, begitu juga malam itu.
cukup lama saya berdiri menggendong dan membisik doa di telinga luna sampai akhirnya ia pun terpejam dengan sisa sesegukan. tak lama, ariawan pun keluar kamar dan menyuruh saya masuk. saya pun menurut.

begitu melangkah memasuki kamar, luna pun tiba-tiba segera membuka matanya dan menangis lagi. tapi kemudian langsung berhenti dan tertidur.
setelah pulas, barulah ariawan 'menegur' saya untuk berhati-hati bicara. sempat saya bertanya-tanya apa salah saya sampai kemudian dia bertanya "tadi ngomong apa waktu nakut-nakutin titan? dikiranya dibolehin masuk deh. nih, masih menempel di aku."
"oh, keluarin tolong keluariiiiin..." kataku panik.
"enggak tahu gimana caranya" tampik ariawan.
"what should I do, then?" tanyaku.
"istigfar. ya berdoa aja." katanya tenang.

doa ya sudah dari tadi, aku pikir. tapi kalau masih belum pergi juga, kan saya jadi mempertanyakan keampuhan doa itu. makin pelik, deh. tapi saya tetap berdoa anyway. meminta maaf pada si Empunya setiap ciptaan dan memohon lindunganNya. tadinya sempat mau meminta maaf pada si 'pendatang' karena saya tidak bermaksud mempermainkan dan mengundang dia. tapi ah ... kok rasanya enggak benar.
tak lama setelah luna tertidur, lalu saya pun ingin segera menjemput titan yang masih asyik bermain bakar-bakaran di bawah pohon mangga yang gelap.

saya tidak pernah dan tidak mau memiliki pengalaman yang klenik secara fisik. sudah cukup melalui mimpi-mimpi saya saja. tapi tidak dengan malam itu.
saya pun menuruni tangga ke bawah, ke arah teras belakang rumah dan menyeberang ke arah rumah orang tua saya. tepat di bawah tangga yang menuju kamar pembantu, tepat di dekat saluran air, tiba-tiba entah kenapa saya merasakan panas dan bulu kuduk yang berdiri , menjalar perlahan mulai dari kaki hingga ke leher belakang. hanya bagian kanan. saya sempat berdiri terdiam, lalu segera saya tepis dengan tangan sambil mengucap istighfar.

saya jemput titan untuk mencuci muka, cuci kaki, ganti baju dan membacakannya cerita sebelum tidur sampai akhirnya ia pun terlelap. tapi, saya terjaga sepanjang malam. saya tatap wajah anak-anak yang tertidur, saya peluk mereka semua takut mereka terganggu lagi. titan di kiri, luna di kanan. saya menyesal. saya memohon ampunan atas lalainya saya dan anak-anaklah yang harus menerima akibatnya.
kemudian saya teringat kata-kata orang tua dulu. untuk tidak bicara yang tidak baik, karena nanti didengar setan dan bisa kejadian. sesal tak ayal, seandainya tadi saya mengucap kebaikan dan benar-benar kejadian seperti barusan. 



Monday, October 14, 2013

Wednesday, October 09, 2013

while you were working...





... these were what happened to my life.
home, backyard, family & friends, new place, new experience, more children books, oh I can do this everyday. I'm gonna master it for sure hahaha

Monday, October 07, 2013

Perfect Timing

Dear Malicca, 
one day you will learn there is no such a thing as perfect timing. 
One day, you will also learn that it is not about waiting for the perfect time; 
but it is all about how to make time. 

Today is my last day of my 3 months maternity leave and today is your Student Lead Conference for term 1. It means, tomorrow I am going back to work as well as you will start having your holiday. Yes, again having your holiday without me. But with all your plans on how you will spend your holiday, I am sure we will have good time for the time we will make :)

Anyways,
You did a good job for your presentation at SLC. Have some homework to catch up, of course.
That would be reducing your day dreaming in the middle of lessons and learn harder for number operation and place value for math subject.

Anyways (again),
There was a slice of smile for what happen today at school.

I said to you previously to attend only your main presentation and not to take tour to your special subject teachers, because your little sister is waiting at home. I was afraid I would pass her milking time. But as you finished your presentation, you insisted me to go to Islamic room and meet your religion teacher, Mr. Didin.

You: Bunda, let's go to Islamic room.
Me: Hei, we made a deal not to take special subjects' tour because your sister is waiting
You: Only the religion subject, I promise you. Please please please. You haven't met Mr. Didin, right? He is my new religion teacher.
Me: Hmmmm, ... thats true *thinking*
You: Mr. Didin is a handsome guy, Bunda. Come on, you will like him.
Me: Oh please ...

But we went to the Islamic room anyway. And we see Mr. Didin outside the class, and you screamed while pointing your finger at him. "That's Mr. Didin Bunda, ... see? I told you he is a handsome guy. Mr. Didin, this is my Bunda!"


@__@

*I wanna bury myself way under* 


You and your Organic & Non Organic trash bin
for integrated subject, Science & Art 

Let's cut the crap from the question of Which Mom Are You?

A few years back, social media was being fussy about working mom versus stay at home home. What a nonsense brag! Since I went through ...