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The story of (not so) a tiger mom

Baru juga kemarin nulis soal P4 and I really felt like a tiger mom. Tonight, I paid a visit to a neurologist because of the stingy painful feeling on the top of my head I have experienced the past days.
Not that hard, but it is very annoying. Like every five minutes you have that little hammer stabbing and electrocute you from the inside and it made you stops a while at everything you do just to say 'Ouch'.

And yes, the doctor said I am having the so called postpartum stress. Not in the form of baby blues but physically stress and this caused a tension on my neck and nerves around. No need further examination, the triggers are obvious. Lack of sleep, stress on trying to be a tiger mom for baby and a first grader. The boredom because I used to be a fully working mom. The stress on trying to put more weight on baby. O, thats pretty much ... much.

No meds since I am fully breastfeeding. Because every neurological medications are not good for babies. So,  I need to reduce the trigger. Which is tiredness and stress when things happens not as I expected, when house are messy and the stress includes seeing the small cc of my expressed milk.

Hmmm... maybe the doctor is right. Maybe I don't need to be a tiger mom. Maybe I don't have to perform better compare to 6 years ago. Maybe I should not worry much about breast milk because they are produced on demand (and the baby needs only 30ml per serving for the time being), so I need to stop being greedy if I managed to pump up 60ml because it is good enough. Maybe loosing 10 kilos in 2 weeks is too soon and having another 6 kilos would not hurt me and I have the rest of my life to be back in shape.

Maybe I really really need to chill.


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Life. Just like what I wanted.

Sounds so snobbish ya, saying life is just like what I wanted. But then I realized, semua itu karena emang aku enggak pengen apa-apa. Sekarang juga (ternyata) masih begitu. Dulu emang I treat my life like a blue print. Things to do piling up my list and my aims were to accomplish them. Alhamdulillah, semua tercapai. Tapi kemudian seperti ada titik tolak dalam hidup yang bikin  berhenti ingin terlalu banyak dari hidup. Entah karena merasa udah cukup banyak pencapaian pribadi baik yang bagus atau yang buruk, entah karena pernah kecewa berat sama yang namanya manusia atau karena alasan klise yang digadang-gadang semua manusia: anak.

Sekarang ini, lebih banyak menyambut apa yang datang ke dalam hidup. Termasuk, kembali ke agency lagi. Having thought that I am not some kind of 'Man in a mission' kind of person. I am just an 'I will do my best' of what comes in front of me kind of person.

Gini ceritanya.

Tiga belas bulan yang lalu, saya memutuskan untuk kembali bekerja setel…

love is love. marriage is another thing.

of all the things I ever wondered, ... I think I never wonder whom my kids will be married to. or to picture myself holding grand babies. not just a not yet, I think it is simply too hard to bear and too absurd to think of. but then I promise myself. I promise I will not ever push titan and luna to get married or even if they are married; I will not ask them when to have kids.

many times I wondered that marriage is overrated. and the only reason to get married is not love, but to realise life is too hard to bear when you are all alone. because, however, marriage is a conditional love. hubby once said, marriage is not all fancy and glitter. the lowest it can get is, to keep functioning and it will survive. how both parties can be functional one to another, is another story.

to ariawan, a guy of mine,
the one who always wake me up from my princessy dreams. love you.



Let's cut the crap from the question of Which Mom Are You?

A few years back, social media was being fussy about working mom versus stay at home home. What a nonsense brag! Since I went through both and also had a chance of being a working-from-home mom, it is even more ridiculous for me. Only stupid have a time discussing it and to elaborate on their social media status. Whoever we are, what kind of mom we are, what matters most is how we can make our life productive and progressing. Every single day.

Different mom has different ways of being productive. Some goes to work. Some clean up and cook for the family. Some works at home by selling stuffs online or being a freelancer. Productive means to produce something. Be it money, the foods, you name them all. But the question is, is productive enough? How about having a progressing life? Not as the wife of Mr. Blabla or as the mom of kid Zubidudamdam. But us, as a person. Me, as Wury; a 38 years old woman and how far I have made progress in  my life.

BUT. Let alone of being progressive, ... ar…