Wednesday, July 31, 2013

The story of (not so) a tiger mom

Baru juga kemarin nulis soal P4 and I really felt like a tiger mom. Tonight, I paid a visit to a neurologist because of the stingy painful feeling on the top of my head I have experienced the past days.
Not that hard, but it is very annoying. Like every five minutes you have that little hammer stabbing and electrocute you from the inside and it made you stops a while at everything you do just to say 'Ouch'.

And yes, the doctor said I am having the so called postpartum stress. Not in the form of baby blues but physically stress and this caused a tension on my neck and nerves around. No need further examination, the triggers are obvious. Lack of sleep, stress on trying to be a tiger mom for baby and a first grader. The boredom because I used to be a fully working mom. The stress on trying to put more weight on baby. O, thats pretty much ... much.

No meds since I am fully breastfeeding. Because every neurological medications are not good for babies. So,  I need to reduce the trigger. Which is tiredness and stress when things happens not as I expected, when house are messy and the stress includes seeing the small cc of my expressed milk.

Hmmm... maybe the doctor is right. Maybe I don't need to be a tiger mom. Maybe I don't have to perform better compare to 6 years ago. Maybe I should not worry much about breast milk because they are produced on demand (and the baby needs only 30ml per serving for the time being), so I need to stop being greedy if I managed to pump up 60ml because it is good enough. Maybe loosing 10 kilos in 2 weeks is too soon and having another 6 kilos would not hurt me and I have the rest of my life to be back in shape.

Maybe I really really need to chill.

Monday, July 29, 2013

Apa yang murah di dunia?

Nda, apa sih yang murah? Semua mahal. mobil VW combi mahal. Mersi mahal. Vespa mahal. Apa dong yang murah?

Hmmm... udara untuk nafas murah. Gratis, lho!

I mean things.

Hmmm... things... apa ya... semua harus didapat dengan usaha soalnya, jadinya mahal.

Iya, makanya Titan tanya apa yang murah.

What do you think? (lagi males mikir yang berat-berat)

Oh, I know! (he raised his hand) A tree! Kita dapat pohon tanamnya di depan rumah. Nanemnya gratis, kan? Trus nanti kalau berbuah kaya pohon sawo yang di depan kita petik; gratis kan?

Me (dalam hati):
Tapi kan pohonnya beli. Eh kecuali dikasih sih. Tapi modal punya tanah kan mahal, mahal banget malah. Karena merasa harus memberi pesan moral, akhirnya aku jawab gini

Hmm, ... nice idea. Sekarang Titan tau kan, nanem pohon itu bagus karena bisa berguna untuk ke depannya.

Iya juga ya, Nda. Besok-besok kita nanem pohon lagi ya, kaya waktu itu.

Sunday, July 28, 2013


Today is my fourteenth day after I gave delivery, yet in medical glossary they call it P14.
Unlike my first delivery six years ago, I adapt much better this time (well, d'oh... of course I should be better). Although formula milk is still the biggest temptation because breastfeeding is damn challenging  (also apply for a veteran mom like me), I thank God I can still breastfeed and keep my expressed milk frozen for future needs when I am back to work.

Nothing is the secret but a discipline schedule, because having a newborn is not less or more demanding as having a first grader. Yet they have to know my expectation and I need to know theirs, so I set a time schedule for all of us (well, specially for me and kids; to be exact) because hubster seems to stick with his daily habits only with less sleep because he helps me to change diapers at night.

Here is the schedule in which so far is working for all of us.

06.30 - I woke up and make breakfast and lunch boxes for son and hubby
07.00 - I took a shower, together with Malicca (and so I can hush hush him every time he got distracted)
07.30 - sending Malicca to school and have the baby sun bathed
08.30 - sending the baby to shower
09:00 - Having my heavy breakfast included a big bowl of veggies (hoa!)
09.30 - breastmilking on demand while watching tv, munching and (not to forget) get wired!

02.30 - first grader back from school and we play together with baby in the kangaroo style, attached to my breast (haha!)

04.30 - baby shower time, literally
05.30 - first grader finishes his shower and
06.30 - have his dinner
07.00 - study time (it is negotiable whether Malicca wants to have it at night or after school, 1,5 - 2 hours each day)
Monday is for math, tuesday is for writing composition & language arts (blogging, in this case), wednesday is for addition and geometry, thursday is for english literacy and friday is for any interests of his (google and youtube-ing)
09.00 - read story before bed then bobo time for mommy, baby and first grader :)

Thanks to the schedule, things are quite predictable. Smooth day is very important when having newborn, so yeah... you don't need any unexpected things beside her crying :) Anyways, my body is still catching up after the caesarean.

Since it is Ramadhan, oh ... I think this is the numbest Ramadhan ever happened to me. Despite of me not joining the fasting, this baby thingy consumes me more than to enjoy Ramadhan. But hey, I thank God my family is still together and hubster tries his best to breakfasting at home, every time. I cannot ask for more than our togetherness :)

Well well, ... now is 10.12 and baby Luna starts demanding. Time to breastfeed! :)

Back on wired with Luna

Monday, July 22, 2013

Are you happy still, Bunda?

Sambil naik otoped bolak-balik di rumah nini,
tadi dia mampir sebentar ngedeketin aku yang lagi asyik makan kolak pisang saat buka puasa.

Bunda, bunda happy nggak waktu Titan masang batu-batu? 

Hah, batu-batu apaan sih?

Itu tuh, waktu circling batu di bawah pohon sawo sama pak tukang kebun

Oh ituuu, ... of course I am happy. Bunda sih happy selalu kalau Titan bikin yang baik-baik. 

Oh, kirain Bunda udah nggak happy lagi (katanya sambil nyelonong naik otoped)

Amazing ya apa yang ada di kepala anak-anak. Well, I am a skipper too. Dalam artian, kalo ngomong tuh suka lompat-lompat tergantung hal ujug-ujug yang tiba-tiba nongol di kepala. Yep, dan tanpa tedeng aling-aling ngejelasin sama lawan bicara.

Nah, ternyata anak-anak jauh lebih hebat skippingnya. Dan entah berapa lama sebuah memori bisa bertahan dan mampu di-recall oleh seorang anak. Terkadang, ini yang suka bikin Titan gemes sama aku. Segala keluh kesah "Cape deeeeeeh" atau "Hiiiiih masa lupa???" dan berbagai ekspresi lain yang sering banget dia utarakan.

Tapi nak, Bundamu yang satu ini nggak akan pernah lupa akan rasa bahagia punya anak kamu. Percaya, deh!


Sunday, July 21, 2013

The journey

La Luna, born on July 14th 2013 at 05:25. 2900 grams and 49 cm

Archimedes would have killed me

Malam ini Titan bertanya.

Bunda, kalau kapal tenggelam jauh ke dalam dasar laut, kaca-kaca jendelanya pecah nggak ya?


Kenapa? Kan kenceng juga jatuhnya.

Me (mikir):
Hmm... eh iya deh pecah juga.


Hmm... karena daya saat dia jatuh ke bawah kecepatannya sama dengan saat dia melambung ke atas. Jadi ada tekanan yang sama kencangnya dengan kalau benda jatuh bukan di air.

T (diam, kayanya nggak mudeng tapi yang penting dia tau bahwa kaca jendelanya bisa pecah)

Me (sigh, ... pas pelajaran fisika di SMU dulu gue kemana aja siiiiiiiih -__- )

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Inshaa Allah

Pada suatu sore yang indah di kamar mandi.
Seperti biasa, bocah lagi asyik rendeman air hangat pakai bak mandi adiknya.
Tiba-tiba dia bertanya

Bunda, nanti kalau bunda umroh Titan diajak ya?

Kata siapa bunda mau umroh?

Ya kalau nanti, misalnya pergi, Titan mau ikut. Titan mau lihat Ka'bah

Ooooh, ... okay. Nanti yah kalau Titan sudah besar. Sudah 17 tahun.

Yaaaaah, ... bundanya udah tua dong!

(Mikir. Panjang. Iya juga ya. Damn!)

Nanti bunda udah nggak bisa jalan, digotong-gotong pake kursi roda ya? Nanti Titan yang dorong-dorong keliling Ka'bah ya?

Ya jangan didoain udah jompo dong sayang, ... semoga kita berdua dikasih kesehatan ya.
Sehingga, nanti kalau Titan sudah cukup mengerti arti umroh; kita bisa berangkat. Jangan hanya karena Titan pengen ngeliat Ka'bah ... kalau itu mah di YouTube aja

Tapi bener ya, Titan diajak.

Inshaa Allah, Nak

Tuesday, July 09, 2013

Rise and Shine!

It is my first day taking the maternity leave. I would say, ... I am starting my hibernation. The doctor planned the CS in two more weeks. But looking at my condition at the moment, I decided to take the maternity leave sooner.

 I woke up happily. I went to the backyard and saw the seeds are sprouting. I felt the sun warmly shone on my back. I felt ... so ... light. It has been a while since I have this feeling. Have I been longing for this? Hmm ... maybe yes. Or, maybe no. Maybe it is just another day, and just because I woke up at the other side of my bed everything looks different and new.

For whatever reasons, I am happy enough I can look into myself at this moment. To prepare mentally, emotionally and physically for the upcoming baby.

But it did not happen long. I then take my laptop and start doing my personal project and current interest: taking care of my Rapi-Rapi (please follow its twitter account @rapirapiyuk or FB fanpage Rapi Rapi; by the way) did some personal stuffs and time just flew by.

Sometimes I feel there is something wrong when I do so much things at home compare to how much I do in the office *sigh*

Anyways, ... it feels good to plant something.
It is like you are seeding hopes, and it feels happy as it sprouts.

Now and Then

Little did I know about having a child (or more), is that the more they grow up the more hard-working the parent needs to be. 

When I was pregnant, I hope to give birth soon. After I gave birth, I got cranky I needed to breastfeed anytime anywhere. I complained I needed to wake up 4 or 5 times in the middle of the night. I hoped he would start weaning soon. After he reached 6 months and started eating solid foods, I got cranky for I needed to prepare his meal in three different menus for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Not to forget, some snacks. After that, I hoped he would walk soon. After he walked, I started cranky because I was too tired to catch him. And I hoped he would go to school soon. After he reached the school age, I started to wonder why there are so many more I had to do. I needed to wake up way earlier, prepare his lunch box, prepare his school projects and performances, birthdays, class party, parent-teacher meetings and much much more. 

There. There I wondered, why did I wish everything to move faster? Life was so much simpler when he was in my womb. He listened to me, he ate what I ate without complain, he never say no. On the breastfeeding era, wasn’t my life was way simpler as well? I didn’t need to cook, let alone of thinking what menu. Everything he needs is here, on my chest. Every time he gets hungry all I needed to do was unbutton my clothes and there, he would find his heaven in a heartbeat. By the time he was sleepy, he could sleep in my arms for he weighted no more than 10 kilos and I could just bring him anywhere I go. 

Imagine when he becomes ABG and smelly, college student and rebellious, wants to work as something people never knew before but doesn’t know what it is. Imagine the time when he is able to do everything I fuss about today. The time he would be able to overcome what I am worrying now and there will be so much more to worry about. 

Then I asked my self, again, why couldn’t I just enjoy the now moment? Now is way simpler than the future.

Saturday, July 06, 2013

my jobdesk

sebagai ibu dan sebagai perempuan, saya sadar sesadar-sadarnya dan menyadari benar bahwa salah satu job description saya adalah untuk menjadi bawel.

nanti ini ya

nanti itu ya

jangan lupa ini

jangan lupa itu

habis itu, ini

nanti kalau ini, begitu

bener ya, janji?

kok gitu?

kok gini? kenapa?

harusnya enggak gitu, tapi


masih banyak lagi.

nah, kalau yang dewasa merasa level kebawelan saya terlalu amat sangat merongrong,
well ... mungkin ada yang salah dengan pendewasaan kamu.

That fuzzy feeling

How I love that feeling, inviting my friends to my house and cook for them. Not because I am such a good cook, despite of the taste; I like the idea of sharing and have a good conversation over foods.
I think me mom inherited it to me.

We have prepared this since two weeks ago. Enggar (@petitedevotchka) specially flew from Makassar. Aria (@tweetarwah) intentionally came over after his long-haul offline session with his 'beloved' clients. Heikal (@heikalsiregar), yes, he was all behind these things: his farewell. And of course least but not least my hubster Ariawan (thank you for the perfect juicy steak ya sayang). Not to forget Malicca as our cherry on top that night.

It happened so fast we did not have the chance to take pictures. Good conversation flooding as we pour more and more wine, mojitos, Sheridan and finally ... virgin Absolut Tropical.  Me the preggy woman just looked at them happily as they tossed more and more, spooning my Kiwi float over and over. Oh, it was the first time Malicca tasted white wine by the way.

Deep inside, there was fuzzy feeling.

I always love when friends and families come to our house. But tonight, it is because Heikal is leaving soon for his Phd in London. While Enggar is preparing her submission too - which I feel that she will make it next year to Queensland - I feel sad and a bit empty when they went home.

If only we had done this more often. And not only that. If only taking postgraduate is not the only possible way to live abroad. I would have done anything (unless leaving my family) to get the tickets. Now I can only count on my hubster to get us out of this country, and I feel pathetic because of it. I want to do something too. Something that fasten the process and make sure the tickets on hand. But no, not taking post graduate. My kids deserve the education more than me.

Ariawan seemed understood whats in my head. As we take our guests out, he said to me "Next year, okay? We are going next year."

Where? I did not ask. But I trust him. Even if I didn't, I just want to have the faith that we can.

Inshaa Allah.

Monday, July 01, 2013

Don't Stop

"Bunda, bunda seneng nggak Titan bantuin Bunda hari ini?"

"Bunda, nanti bobonya Titan pengen dipeluk trus diipuk-ipuk pantatnya"

"Aki, Titan lagi bete soalnya lagi ngantuk; nanti aja telpon lagi ya."

"Bunda, kenapa sih bunda seneng banget pake baju itu? (red: maksudnya baju daster) ... nggak bagus ah, Titan nggak suka."

"Bunda, bunda rambutnya panjangin dooong. Jadi kalo dielus-elus panjaaaang sampe ke bawah gitu."

How grateful I am to have such an expressive kid, like you.
Don't stop.
And so I know what you're feeling, what you're thinking
not because I am such a caypoh mom
but simply because you're part of me.

Love you, Malicca. 

Let's cut the crap from the question of Which Mom Are You?

A few years back, social media was being fussy about working mom versus stay at home home. What a nonsense brag! Since I went through ...