Thursday, 28 February 2013


In one starry night,
you and I were sitting in the front terrace of our house.
You turned the lights off,
so we can see the starry sky much clearer.

You had your strawberries.
Yes, you said you like strawberries very much.
But I know,
it is the moment you dipped the strawberry into sugar
is what you liked most.
- I am happy as long as you are happy -

And you started asking me questions.

Bunda, is love fiction?
No, love is real.
But why can't I draw love?
Yes you can, and you did. When you drew for me, that is love. When you drew for aki, nini, ayah, bubu, uwak, that is love. When you drew Cadillac Eldorado, that is love.
You mean love is when I draw a heart?
No, love is something that you are feeling and makes you happy.
I love you, Bunda.

*I suddenly lost my breath and shed a tear*

I am having such a lovable life.
I am having so much love around me, I love them and they love me.
What else in life you expect when you have your love in return?
Though I sometimes forget or deny.
Though I have hurt and got hurt by many people in my life.
God never forgets to remind me over and over that there are so much love around me.


I love you too, Malicca.  
And I love Bubu too. 
And I love the little lunar that is shining softly in the belly. 

Saturday, 23 February 2013

What other things in life you want to ask 
when you have such a loving hubby who cooked you
a warm chocolate melt?
Love you Bubu! 

Thursday, 14 February 2013

To Malicca: Thank You

Dear Titan,

Sometimes I think I am the one who cannot live without you.
Sometimes, it is you who is taking care of me very well.
Sometimes, it is you who is not only think about me but do something instead.

Thank you, my son.
I thank you so much.

You might not know this,
but I do love you more than anything or anyone in this world.

One day when I was expecting your little sister / brother and was so exhausted

Tuesday, 12 February 2013

When you grow up

So much of watching sinetron 'Tukang Bubur Naik Haji' ... you said to me one day
"Nda, ... Titan kalau sudah besar jadi Tukang Bubur aja, yah?"

Thank you for the lovely drawing you always gave me, sayang :)

Saturday, 9 February 2013

What he left under my door

... is your drawing for me.
Thank you, baby.

Your drawing has always been my thirst quencher all along :)

I want to be bigger!

when you were nearly six and I held you like a baby.
Yes, I put you in my arms and took you close to my breast. Very close.

"Oh why have you grown so fast?" I held you tighter and tighttttttter.
"I like it when you hold me this way, like a baby." You said.
"Then don't grow up so fast. Please please please stay this way, will you? Do you want to stay this way and stop growing up? So I can hold and hug and cuddle you always?" I asked him while kissing him over and over.
"No no nooo" You replied instantly.
"What? You don't want it?"
"No, I like when you hold me this way, but I want to be bigger!" You said, certainly.
"But why?"
"Because getting bigger is good, Bunda. So I can drive and take you to the office!" You explained your reason.

I smiled.

Grown ups want to get back to their childhood, sometimes.
They miss their school times and school friends, many times.
They miss do stupid things simply because they realize that they are now have grown up.
Often they wish they can play all day, do not have to go to work or need to be responsible of things they'd done or wish they don't have to make big decisions for their life.
They wish they can do anything they want, have milk and cookies before bed without being worry they will gain weight.
They wish for simple things when they were a child.
That when they are sad, they will cry.
That when they got angry to their friend they will have a big fight but the next minute they will play as if nothing ever happened.
That when they're sleepy, they will sleep.
That when they love someone, they just love without asking the same thing back.

Sometimes, grown ups want to be like you, a little child. 

I did not say these to you that day.
I preferred to hold you longer, while you still want it too.
Because I know, you will be bigger and bigger in each day.
And you might not let me hold you this tight ever again.

Yes, you will grow up
and by then you can read this blog.
Thinking of how much I love you.

Tuesday, 5 February 2013

Friday, 1 February 2013

Fiction or non-fiction

One day you made me a story and we had that little discussion.
You think this is non fiction.
But in my opinion, this is a fiction. Just because we don't have any Mercedes, you cannot drive me and we had never gone to the mountain.