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These are the moments

Of all the moment of mommahood I have experienced, from pregnancy to baby and toddler times, ... all is wonderful. All is unforgetable and I don't mind to experience them again.

Now Malicca is 4 years and 9 months. I often heard that 4-5 years are the years of rebellious. When yes is a no, no is a yes, they would always say "I don't know" first on the top of all questions. It is the moment when asking them to do something is such  a production. "You can do it yourself", "Later on", "After these (I mean THESE), ... so yeah, ... it takes forever you ended up do it yourself. It is also the moment of asking WHY comes first. Why these, why that, how do you know? Who told you that? What are the proves you are saying things? Oh well ... it is the era of playing Devil's Advocate as well.

But come to think of it, this is the moment when I feel the most cute of all. The little womb who were in my tummy who I always took anywhere you went, the little baby I always hugged and sang to sleep, has now grown to a little human I can talk to. Yes, this is why I love the moment they said is a rebellious moment.

I don't think they are rebellious. They are just mimicking what we have said to them. They connect the dots and their logic leaps way above what we expected we (often) cannot argue. Of course, who can argue our self? And that little man or woman in front of you is just a mirror of you. Yes, we often forget that.

But here is what touches me the most, that they start to express what they feel about the world. Questions, objections, ... including love.

There were the moments when Titan hugged me tight out of the blue. There were moments when we were about to sleep and he asked me a question that erased all of my tiredness that day, "Bunda, ... bunda tahu nggak Titan sayang sama Bunda?" There were moments when he helped me cleaned the house. There were moments when he said "Let me do it, I can do it too!" There were moments when he woke me up in the morning "Bunda, sudah siang bangun yuk." ... even the moments when he said "Bunda, Titan udah punya pacar namanya Putri Yogi."

*Smiling*

I know these moments will not be here forever. He would soon grow up, faster than I can imagine. He would start spending his time more with his friends. He would start giving me a rule not to kiss or hug him in front of his friends. He would one day bring a girl home and I would look at her from top to toe full of wonder.

Being a mother, a decision I never regret and I am so grateful of the trust Allah has given me. I know these moments are just the beginning, there are still so many surprising moments and unbelievable feelings that might happen being a mother.

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love is love. marriage is another thing.

of all the things I ever wondered, ... I think I never wonder whom my kids will be married to. or to picture myself holding grand babies. not just a not yet, I think it is simply too hard to bear and too absurd to think of. but then I promise myself. I promise I will not ever push titan and luna to get married or even if they are married; I will not ask them when to have kids.

many times I wondered that marriage is overrated. and the only reason to get married is not love, but to realise life is too hard to bear when you are all alone. because, however, marriage is a conditional love. hubby once said, marriage is not all fancy and glitter. the lowest it can get is, to keep functioning and it will survive. how both parties can be functional one to another, is another story.

to ariawan, a guy of mine,
the one who always wake me up from my princessy dreams. love you.



Three hours late.

2 AM and I stepped in to the house. Hubby was waiting for me. This was not the first time, and not the latest hour I had ever experienced with over time.

"See you soon Bunda. Or at 8, or at 9, or at 10, or at 11 like you said you would be late." Said my son.

I smiled as I entered the house. I smelled home. I saw my beautiful mess. As I picked up some toys on the floor, I imagined what games the kids had played today. There was a drawing, mini ceramics pots, not too chaotic for kids who were left with nini and aki without nannies.

I also saw their time tables, with some check marks on the list. Those that they weren't checked was the responsibility to wash their own dishes. I saw some dirty cups piling up. I saw the microwave's door left half-opened, a baking sheet and a knife. I wonder what they have cooked.
I also saw minecraft was in active window and some search on youtube and google.

Getting home in this hour and not seeing their faces but seeing all the mess the…

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