Friday, July 30, 2010

malam, awan dan kamu

Sedang menatap langit malam dan awan-awan tebal yang bergerak cepat menembus remang bulan, berarak sampaikan salam sayang aku untuk kamu.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Sudah siang ...











Bunda:
Titan, bangun yuk! Udah siang ini, sudah jam sembilan.

Titan (bangun dan terduduk diantara bantal dengan mata kriyep-kriyep):
Sudah siang ya, Bunda?

Bunda:
Iya, sudah siang. Enggak sekolah?

Titan:
Kalau gitu Titan tidur siang dulu ya (sambil narik selimut terus tidur lagi)

Bunda:
...

Sudah siang dan tidur siang





















Bunda:
Titan, bangun yuk! Udah siang ini, sudah jam sembilan.

Titan (bangun dan terduduk diantara bantal dengan mata kriyep-kriyep):
Sudah siang ya, Bunda?

Bunda:
Iya, sudah siang.

Titan:
Kalau gitu Titan tidur siang dulu ya (sambil narik selimut terus tidur lagi)

Bunda:
...

Monday, July 26, 2010

Rintik

rintik rintik sibuk membisiki malam
menjalin titian antara langit kelam dan tanah yang menghitam
menjembatani malam yang mengelam
dengan dingin yang meniti halus
mengiris-iris malam yang begitu sepi menjadi satuan-satuan waktu yang tak bertepi

rintik yang meniti waktu
tak rela malam menutup mata
hingga bulan menjelma surya

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Biar

Malam ini begitu sepi.
Pikirku.

Oh … tapi ternyata bukan.
Bukan, bukan semesta ini yang menyepi.
Tapi sepertinya diriku yang memilih untuk menutup diri.
Hingga telinga ini tak ingin lagi mendengar,
Mulut pun terkunci rapat tak mampu berujar,
Dan rasa pun mendingin, membeku dan beringsut kaku.
Tak ada kata-kata terjalin, hanya pikiran-pikiran yang meliar tak tentu arah tak jelas ujung dan pangkal.
Sekelebatan, lalu hilang di tikungan.
Kadang merayap pelan, apalagi saat pikirku singgah akan kamu.
Tapi kemudian ia memilih untuk cepat-cepat pergi karena sejenak memikirkan kamu meninggalkan bekas yang tak hilang berminggu-minggu. Berbulan-bulan. Bertahun-tahun. Aku merindukan kamu hingga dadaku sesak.
Itu yang aku tidak mau. Karena pelan-pelan segalanya tentang kamu hanya membunuhku, walau pikiranku selalu menipuku dengan rayuannya, … “Rasa itu hanya akan membuatmu lebih kuat. Bukan membunuhmu.”

Hah, … palsu.

Aku tidak ingin kuat. Aku ingin menjadi lemah. Aku ingin menjadi layu jika aku harus hidup tanpa kamu. Aku ingin merajuk, menangis di pelukmu, dan kamu hanya akan memelukku erat dan mengelus-elus rambutku. Aku tidak ingin bertahan. Aku ingin menyerah. Tapi sekali lagi pikirku bilang “Semua ini hanya akan membuatmu lebih kuat. Bukan membunuhmu.”

Hah, … sekali lagi. Palsu.

Kenapa sih tidak kau biarkan saja?
Biar.
Biar sekali ini saja aku memilih untuk menjadi buta dan tuli.
Karena hanya dengan begitu aku tahu bagaimana rasanya memiliki hati.

Monday, July 19, 2010

What I want to be when I grow up

I often have a quiet moment with Titan. One day, it happened on the sofa in the living room. We supposed to watch Handy Manny together, but somehow our mind was wandering off somewhere else. Just like another lame, ordinary, boring mom, I asked him:

"Titan mau jadi apa kalau sudah besar?"
"Jadi Titan."
"Bukan, maksudnya Titan mau jadi dokter, montir, koki, tukang mangga, atau apa nanti kalo udah besar?"
"Mau jadi Titan."


Then i fell into silence for a while. Then I said,
"Oh, ... maksudnya Titan mau jadi diri sendiri. Gitu ya?"
"Iya, Bunda."


Then I hugged him. Tight.

to be me

I often have a quiet moment with Titan. One day, it happened on the sofa in the living room. We supposed to watch Handy Manny together, but somehow our mind was wandering off somewhere else. Just like another lame, ordinary, boring mom, I asked him:

"Titan mau jadi apa kalau sudah besar?"
"Jadi Titan."
"Bukan, maksudnya Titan mau jadi dokter, montir, koki, tukang mangga, atau apa nanti kalo udah besar?"
"Mau jadi Titan."


Then i fell into silence for a while. Then I said,
"Oh, ... maksudnya Titan mau jadi diri sendiri. Gitu ya?"
"Iya, Bunda."


Then I hugged him. Tight.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

My big little guy

This is my satellite, Malicca Titan Pranisha. His name is taken from one of Saturn’s satellite, Titan. Titan’s (I mean the satellite) material was almost like the earth, only without atmosphere. So, for his parents Titan (I mean my son) is a hope. Just like Titan (might be) could be the next earth, a place where people can live in, for his parents Titan is a hope. He is a second chance to make a better ‘us’. Titan was a second chance anyway. I lost my 6th weeks fetus in gestation about 8 months before Titan. I don’t know was it a she or a he, but my feeling told me that it was a she. I named her Marasthra, it means big star.

Malicca was taken from one of Asmaul Husna, it translates ‘The Almighty’.

Pranisha was a mix of his parent’s name (yeah, I know this is lame, but it is a pact amongst the family that we need to inherit the word ‘Pranis’ in each of our child’s name).

Titan was born after his 38 weeks and 4 days of gestation. I had a 26 hours contraction, managed myself to reach the eighth openings, but had a cesarean in the end. Like his name, Titan loves night sky and everything about the sky. He mistakenly mentions colors up to this moment, but I am proud enough he fluently able to pronounce ‘galaxies’ , ‘clouds’ and can really differentiate which one is Saturn and which one is Neptune. His has fetish on everything about Mercedes and Volkswagen, he has severe allergy on dust, and loves to sing from Barney’s theme song, Twinkle-twinkle little stars and Coldplay’s Viva Lavida (yes, this is influenced by his mom) *wink

One of the beautiful moment happened to me and Titan was when he once saw me cried. He wiped my tears while saying “Why are you crying? Did I do something bad?” He asked naively. And there was nothing I could do unless to hug him. Tight, very tight.



Titan is only a three years old, but he really is my guy. He wipes my tears, he soaped my back and sometimes picks me the clothe I wear to work. When he grows up, grows bigger and taller, I am sure he can be my next possible hero.

Meet my guy!

This is my satellite, Malicca Titan Pranisha. His name is taken from one of Saturn’s satellite, Titan. Titan’s (I mean the satellite) material was almost like the earth, only without atmosphere. So, for his parents Titan (I mean my son) is a hope. Just like Titan (might be) could be the next earth, a place where people can live in, for his parents Titan is a hope. He is a second chance to make a better ‘us’. Titan was a second chance anyway. I lost my 6th weeks fetus in gestation about 8 months before Titan. I don’t know was it a she or a he, but my feeling told me that it was a she. I named her Marasthra, it means big star.

Malicca was taken from one of Asmaul Husna, it translates ‘The Almighty’.

Pranisha was a mix of his parent’s name (yeah, I know this is lame, but it is a pact amongst the family that we need to inherit the word ‘Pranis’ in each of our child’s name).

Titan was born after his 38 weeks and 4 days of gestation. I had a 26 hours contraction, managed myself to reach the eighth openings, but had a cesarean in the end. Like his name, Titan loves night sky and everything about the sky. He mistakenly mentions colors up to this moment, but I am proud enough he fluently able to pronounce ‘galaxies’ , ‘clouds’ and can really differentiate which one is Saturn and which one is Neptune. His has fetish on everything about Mercedes and Volkswagen, he has severe allergy on dust, and loves to sing from Barney’s theme song, Twinkle-twinkle little stars and Coldplay’s Viva Lavida (yes, this is influenced by his mom) *wink

One of the beautiful moment happened to me and Titan was when he once saw me cried. He wiped my tears while saying “Why are you crying? Did I do something bad?” He asked naively. And there was nothing I could do unless to hug him. Tight, very tight.

Titan is only a three years old, but he really is my guy. He wipes my tears, he soaped my back and sometimes picks me the clothe I wear to work. When he grows up, grows bigger and taller, I am sure he can be my next possible hero.

Let's cut the crap from the question of Which Mom Are You?

A few years back, social media was being fussy about working mom versus stay at home home. What a nonsense brag! Since I went through ...