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Entering my thirty-first’s round revolving the sun. Of all the things I have to learn about finding out the answers of God’s riddles, there is one subject who has been on top of my list, needs to be cracked: LOVE. Whether it is about the love itself, how I love and how to be loved.

Love is like the same, old, classic subject and I have been taking the class over and over, but I had never understood the lesson behind it. This is my most favorite subject but again, I failed over and over. This is the class I always wait for, for it gives me the thrilling sense of listening to the teacher, digest them inside my brain, seed them to my heart and I can’t hardly wait for some lab experiment making love potions. And this is the only subject i wish there never be assignments. But come to think of it, this is the lesson that is always put to the test. Mostly, without prior notice.

I have no idea what love is. I even want to tell my son “Son, this is the lesson I can’t teach you and you need to learn yourself.” And I might have ever lost my hope on love, and I might have felt that love is merely a concept and over-rated. All I know, so far, is when you love someone; you do something about it. Let alone of finding my true love.

But then I learned that love is not only about how I think of it. Yes, love is about feeling. You can’t really describe what love is or why you love someone. You cannot think what you feel, for your glossary of words can never be sufficient enough to describe what you are feeling. Then I learned that love comes in many forms. Through hatreds, envy, jealousy, anger, or sometimes comes in an even more descent package of attention, companion, comforts and good conversations.

I learned Love is about to see (with your heart), the people around who loves you. How they want you to be happy and how they tried hard for your happiness, and how they expect you always to be happy. And this is the biggest bless from The Almighty which I am grateful with. I always surrounded by people who loves me. And they are the people who gave me the strength to face this cruel world. And they are my form of love.

I learned that ... feelings will find their way.

And in my thirty first’s round of revolving the sun, none of my love is lessen. It has been topping up, from time to time. Thank you, and I always love you. Being 31, … I love it so far.



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love is love. marriage is another thing.

of all the things I ever wondered, ... I think I never wonder whom my kids will be married to. or to picture myself holding grand babies. not just a not yet, I think it is simply too hard to bear and too absurd to think of. but then I promise myself. I promise I will not ever push titan and luna to get married or even if they are married; I will not ask them when to have kids.

many times I wondered that marriage is overrated. and the only reason to get married is not love, but to realise life is too hard to bear when you are all alone. because, however, marriage is a conditional love. hubby once said, marriage is not all fancy and glitter. the lowest it can get is, to keep functioning and it will survive. how both parties can be functional one to another, is another story.

to ariawan, a guy of mine,
the one who always wake me up from my princessy dreams. love you.

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"See you soon Bunda. Or at 8, or at 9, or at 10, or at 11 like you said you would be late." Said my son.

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