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Be careful of what you wish for

When I was a little girl, I love to watch Star Trek. Yup, Data was my favorite character. Despite of his John Cusack look alike, Data is a quiet, naïve and nice guy. Having watched Star Trek too much after school, it drove me to a wish of having such an ability they had, to be able to transform myself to other part of the world. Will we really be able to do that someday?

What if we actually … can!

What if, we are actually living in chaotic wires where you hardly know which one is dream or which one is real? When what you are dreaming is real and what you see now is what you dreamed about.

What if, there is no such a thing as past, present or future. All is present continuous tense.

What if life is just a parallel world and we are jumping in and out of the channels. It’s like tuning a radio. When the weather is good, all is well. Good songs, nice presenter, bright and clear on your ear. But when the weather is bad, it’s hard to tune the right frequency. You feel so confident with the frequency of your favorite channels, but it seems that today is just not an ordinary day. Noises are what you hear, and you just want to shut the radio down. And you did shut it down, but somehow the noises keeps coming even the cord has been unplugged.

If it happens, if it is how the universe works, we might never have a rest then. Even when we are sleeping, we are just entering other channels. We are just changing our frequency. We are just switching to another side of life where we will meet monsters we hate, or in reverse, where we will meet the most beautiful creatures we love to see.

And back to my wish of having an idea to transport myself, I guess I have to thank a friend for his birthday text a year back then. He said “Happy birthday dear friend, be careful of what you wish for cause it might come true.”
I don’t want people to look at me like a fool, when I said
“I think I have been here. Wait, … was it real or was it a dream?”
Or,
“See, I told you so! Uhm .. wait, did I tell you literally or did I tell you in my dream?”
Then I would shut my mouth up and think. And I could not figure out, was it real or dream? Then slowly I start to lose my faith. In me.

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love is love. marriage is another thing.

of all the things I ever wondered, ... I think I never wonder whom my kids will be married to. or to picture myself holding grand babies. not just a not yet, I think it is simply too hard to bear and too absurd to think of. but then I promise myself. I promise I will not ever push titan and luna to get married or even if they are married; I will not ask them when to have kids.

many times I wondered that marriage is overrated. and the only reason to get married is not love, but to realise life is too hard to bear when you are all alone. because, however, marriage is a conditional love. hubby once said, marriage is not all fancy and glitter. the lowest it can get is, to keep functioning and it will survive. how both parties can be functional one to another, is another story.

to ariawan, a guy of mine,
the one who always wake me up from my princessy dreams. love you.



Three hours late.

2 AM and I stepped in to the house. Hubby was waiting for me. This was not the first time, and not the latest hour I had ever experienced with over time.

"See you soon Bunda. Or at 8, or at 9, or at 10, or at 11 like you said you would be late." Said my son.

I smiled as I entered the house. I smelled home. I saw my beautiful mess. As I picked up some toys on the floor, I imagined what games the kids had played today. There was a drawing, mini ceramics pots, not too chaotic for kids who were left with nini and aki without nannies.

I also saw their time tables, with some check marks on the list. Those that they weren't checked was the responsibility to wash their own dishes. I saw some dirty cups piling up. I saw the microwave's door left half-opened, a baking sheet and a knife. I wonder what they have cooked.
I also saw minecraft was in active window and some search on youtube and google.

Getting home in this hour and not seeing their faces but seeing all the mess the…

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