Thursday, January 14, 2010
when my alter ego speaks upon me.
"It is okay.
When you do not know what is happening, when you do not know what to do. And when you do know what to do, you know it is something hard to do. A never easy thing has bigger chance to fail, so it is okay for you to be afraid.
And it is okay to feel confuse, because you do not know whether the universe is doing something for you or not. You are very not sure, and that is why you keep questioning.
Do walk, do not run.
Stop running. Do walk. When you are running, your mind, physic and mental are working at the same time. Your body is breathing fast and heavy. Your mind is screaming and screaming only about the destination. You don’t care about beautiful trees and chirping birds surround you. You hardly see small stone that might stumbles you off. You might lose a chance to greet a stranger. You just do not care about what is happening inside your physical body. You ignore your heart beat and the bitter sweats that dehydrate you. You don’t care you got tired. You just want to go there. At the soonest! Then what? Your life does not stop at the point you thought it would. Because your life, feelings and your wandering mind can never stop. They would love, probably. But they can’t. So why bother to run? Or running away?
If things are meant to be yours, they would wait. If the feeling is so strong, it will find the way. No, not you who will find the way. But the feeling itself. But if you are not patient enough to wait, well it is perfectly fine too.
Let go of what you want from others. Let go your expectation. Let go of what you want to have and once you ever had. Let go the feeling to control. Feel what you are feeling. Even if it doesn’t stay, be grateful of the moment you had and be open-hearted of not having it again right now. Real things are what you need to have, not the memories. Not the expectation.
To yourself. And get focus about yourself and people or things that make you happy. People or things that motivate you and give you positivity in life. But if you do not have them, … it is fine. You will find them somehow. Embrace the loneliness. The emptiness. The wrongs. Your limitations. Your nemesis deep in you. You have broken. You are nothing but merely pieces. Checkered by failures and stupidities. Blindness. There. Embrace yourself.
Stop thinking about the second might come. Stop thinking about the definition of what you are feeling. They are just labels. You cannot think what you are feeling. Just … feel. And admit it.
Stop doing things you don’t want. Stop doing things you don’t know. But if you can’t stop, it’s okay. Do not forget to forgive yourself.
Stay where ever you are now. Stay the feeling. And if you are not sure about it, let yourself taste the feeling but do not do anything about it until the right time come. And when is it? When you know. And you will.
To do things for yourself. Not for others. Not for us. Be good and take care of yourself. So you can have back your flashy wings to fly."
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