Posts

Showing posts from 2005
Kapan terakhir merasa kaya anak kecil? For me, it's been a long time. Sampai akhirnya, aku mengalami kembali. Dunia yang sederhana, dunia yang cuma pengen semua ada. Dunia materi, yang hanya berarti 'ada' jika semua bisa 'diraba'. Pagi-pagi, Mba Gita udah manggil dari ujung. "Wuryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!" "It's yours" Katanya sambil mengulurkan dvd collector's item THE WIZARD OF OZ ke hadapanku. Plus, ... CD collector's itemnya juga. Hah! Kalau ada kaca di sana, mungkin aku bisa ngeliat mataku yang membulat hebat!!! Wow, udah lama rasanya nggak ngalamin something that you've been dreaming of is now here, for real! Aku masih terdiam beberapa saat. 3 disc DVD, plus CD yang saat dibuka, didalamnya ada gambar pop up Dorothy, Toto, Tin Man, Cowardly Lion dan Scarecrow. I've got the cards and postcards with the box, several versions of the books,the pirated DVD (ha..ha), now I have the collector's item DVD consist of 1

Kapan kita akan berhenti?

Hari ini, 22 Desember 2005. Jam delapan pagi, suamiku mengecup keningku. "Aku pergi ya" Katanya. "Dadahhhh..." Kataku membalasnya dan kembali menutup mataku, serasa tak kuat menahan pelupuk mataku lebih lama lagi. Dan aku pun terpulas kembali. Lagi. Setelah membuka mata selama 23 jam di hari sebelumnya. Tak lama, terdengar nada sms membangunkanku kembali. Tapi kubiarkan. "Kantor! Kapan kamu akan membiarkanku menikmati kesendirianku?" Itu responku pertama kali. Beberapa jam kemudian, aku pun terbangun. Segera kusabet handphone di atas meja. Sms tadi dari ibu mertuaku. "Selamat hari ibu. Semoga kita bisa menjadi contoh untuk anak-anak kita dan masyarakat." Lalu aku pun tertegun.Dengan masih tak percaya dan nggak tau haurs menjawab apa, aku pun pergi mandi. Ya, ini hari ibu. Kapan terakhir kalinya aku mengucapkan selamat hari ibu untuk ibuku? Mungkin waktu aku SD. Waktu aku menyelipkan puisiku di tumpukan bajunya. Kapan terakhir kali aku memijitka

Good Will Hunting

I just love this muvee. Here's one of the conversation. "You're just a kid, you don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about. You've never been out of Boston. So if I ask you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every art book ever writtened. Michelangelo? You know alot about him. Life's work, political aspirations, him and the pope. Sexual orientation. The whole works, right? I bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the SIstine Chapel. You never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling. Seeing that. If I ask you about woman, you'll probably give me a syllabus of your personal favorites. You may ever been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel trully happy. You're a tough kid. If I ask you about war, you'd probably throw Shakespeare at me, right? "Once more into the breach, dear friends." But you've never been near one

Semenjana

lelah. ingin rasanya aku mengistirahatkan mata ini biar hanya hitam, hanya gelap temaniku sejenak saja dan biar, kubiarkan telingaku meliar biar dia juga belajar telinga yang lama tak mendengar telinga yang selalu kalah dengan ujar telinga yang tak lagi punya hati apalagi mendengarkan hati damai. hanya kudengar desah sukma dalam gelap ini terima kasih untuk kamu, yang udah bikinin judul kali ini. saat dimana aku nggak bisa menyebutkan satu kata yang menggambarkan jarak antara aku dan benda, dan waktu yang mengantarainya. 7 Desember 2005

Antologi Bunga Matahari

Aku suka banget nulis. Kadang cuma tertulis di benakku, memang. Tapi akhirnya, semua bisa baca tulisanku. Puisi-puisiku. Aku pengen jadi penulis. Full time. Di rumah kayu impianku, aku berada di sana menulis lembaran-lembaran parkamen. bercerita tentang dia, aku dan kamu. Juga mereka. Akhirnya, eh... bukan akhirnya. Awalnya, terbit juga 2 puisiku bersama puisi teman-teman. Dalam sebuah buku. Buku yang nyata! Puluhan lembar, Bersampul, Berpengantar dari seorang Seno Gumira, Ada izin terbitnya, Aku nggak percaya! Antologi Bunga Matahari. Itu judulnya. Kalo mau, bisa cari di Aksara. Ini langkah awal. Harus ada buku selanjutnya. Amin.

Do you know?

Do you know how it feel? When your heart pounding hard, hoping that the time is right. Do you know how it feel? When you hold your breath, try to collect all guts you have. Do you know how it feel? When you're listening and ignoring your heart, ... you just can't decide. Do you know how it feel? Having a great expectation is as bad as you'd never hope. Do you know how it feel? To be angry. Do you know how it feel? To lost your faith. Do you know how it feel? To hopelessly hope. Do you know how it feel? To question love. Do you know how it feel? To blame. Do you know how it feel? To give everything. Then hope for one thing. Do you know how it feel? To envy. Do you know how it feel? When coldness is so near. Do you know how it feel? Here, to be alone. Do you know how it feel? To wait something you couldn't see. (Dedicated to all pregnancy test packs, who become my best friend.)

Pumpy

jejakkan aku tanah seberangkan aku laut jelajahi aku sang dirga bawa aku pergi menyongsong matahari September 15, 2005

Numb

Monday morning, 15 November 2005 About n hour ago. Nine something in the morning. I arrived at the office. I smelt the musty, moldy, sweaty scent. I log on to the network. I forgot to fill in the time sheet last Friday. I filled it in. I made up things. 12 hours working for meeting and brainstorming. I tried to log in again. I checked out mails. I checked out Friendster (I don’t care about it anymore). I checked my blog. I checked my Multiply (I don’t care about it too). 15 minutes after I arrived. I saw Sheilla. I called her. I asked her where she had had lost her cell phone (I knew it, for sure. I just want her to come by). And she did. She told me the story. Again. Then I told her about Astrid, our friend who lost her baby. I asked her about my idea for print ad. She didn’t get it. Oh, shit. Sheilla gone away. 2 minutes after that. Our secretary comes in. For the first time after the almost 2 weeks holiday. I gave her fake smile. I gave her a fake hugely hug. Some minutes later. Som

'Hurt'

Do you believe what happen to you early in the morning, just reflect your day? Well, I do. Just like what happened to me today. As I woke up, I read an sms that was sent about 8 hours ago. It was Astrid who sent me the sms. Astrid is the friend of mine in high school. We'd never a really really close friend, but somehow I feel that we have some kinda connection (I hope she feels the same way too) :) I'd got married first, and then Astrid did a few months later. Then we start to look for gynecologist, and decide to go to the same doctor, taking the same tests, having the same disease (rubella), having the same medications that we have to eat four times a day for three months, having the same trembling heart (having great expectation) if the period comes late, … and finally, Astrid’s got pregnant. I was so happy. Really. After a few weeks late for period, Astrid went to the doctor to have herself examined. But sad,the doctor said that her fetus was not growing. So, … they have t

Bed

baby blue sheet and four clean feet tingle up the pillows forgetting all sorrows some lavender smells from one who sells a remedy that turns up a comedy bunny sleepers those for the sleepwalkers candy in the pocket and chocolates that melt stars stickers give illutions like liquors glow in the dark like a nightlife park your fingers warmth my heart just like ginger runs through my hair wow, ... what a pair! September 13th 2005

Angel

fly above singing beautifuly for us both made of satin silky wings and a glowing diamond ring angel, is that really you? angel, is that what they call you? angel, so what are you? (June 7th 2005)

You don't really know

"You're just a kid, you don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about. You've never been out of Boston. So if I ask you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every art book ever writtened. Michelangelo? You know alot about him. Life's work, political aspirations, him and the pope. Sexual orientation. The whole works, right? I bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the SIstine Chapel. You never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling. Seeing that. If I ask you about woman, you'll probably give me a syllabus of your personal favorites. You may ever been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel trully happy. You're a tough kid. If I ask you about war, you'd probably throw Shakespeare at me, right? "Once more into the breach, dear friends." But you've never been near one. You've never held your bestfriend head in your lap and

Geliat

di sini aku terduduk. diam. berteman deru mesin tak berhati. terhiup sepoi angin. sementara. klakson. teriak. hentak gemerlap ibu kota. pedih dan tawa. maya. waktu, tak juga kau menunggu. angan, tak juga kau menentu. asa, tak jua kau berlabuh. rindu. malunya hati pada sunyi. dan aku pun berlari. loncat! tenggelam dalam padatnya arus. di penat yang tak pernah cukup terbayar keringat. merangkak dalam riak tak berujung. mencari hati. mencari apa yang bisa kupetik hari ini. tak cukup. tak pernah cukup berarti. dan besok, aku kembali. tamak. kau harus mati!!! agar kucernai kecilnya diri. (May 10th 2005, Victoria's lobby seven sumthin')

Concerto

Ya, aku di sana. Di atas panggung luas keemasan. Berselimut karpet merah megah. Ya, akhirnya aku di sana. Di tengah ribuan telinga. Tenggelam dalam ratusan nada. Hening. Aku menutup mata. Hanya terdengar detik-detak suara. Dua telinga, diantara ribuan. Satu insan, di tengah ratusan. Ya, aku di sana. Bahagia bersama alunan nada. Di ujung sebuah impian. Di awal impian lainnya. Bersamamu, musikku, hanyalah untukku. (I miss my violin. A lot.)

Kolaborasi

man_from_crypton: biru meliput langit Wullie wullie: awan membias bebas man_from_crypton: kulepas pandang menyambut mentari man_from_crypton: penuh harap akan hari... man_from_crypton: menyisakan kehangatan cinta tadi malam man_from_crypton: aku berlari, dengan segenap kekuatan hati man_from_crypton: mengejar kasih yang terus melaju wullie wullie: kasih, tunggu aku! wullie wullie: Tapi ia berlalu jauh man_from_crypton: terhenyak tersentak ku berhenti man_from_crypton: terhadang akan kenyataan wullie wullie: aku, ... masih tetap di sini. wullie wullie: sendiri.... man_from_crypton: menunduk aku, bumi tertatap wullie wullie: Mungkin, ... belum saatnya. wullie wullie: Belum saat aku menangguk kasih man_from_crypton: sejuk gerimis perlahan turun man_from_crypton: bangunkan aku dari mimpi buruk wullie wullie: tersenyum aku melihat diri terpuruk man_from_crypton: hanya oleh cinta sesaat wullie wullie: tapi aku bahagia, wullie wullie: paling tidak aku sempat merasa (Ceritanya waktu itu gw lag

I miss again

As the rain start falling to the ground time and time As I sit one the bench here with the wind, with the sky With the spring, with the autumn With love season, never spoken With the word without a sound. (Someday in year two thousand)

On my own

I am sitting on a black removable chair, here, feeling so uncomfortable but do not know what is really happening. I have been trying to express what I really feel inside. I played music, I made some phone calls to my friend, I tried to write over and over, but they'd never come in to one piece of writing. Either talk to hem did not give me any answer. For a while, I am feeling so lonely. It's like you're driving a car. A new Volkswagen ones. With bright colour. Awsome! But the car is stopping now. And you are looking at the side-mirror, watching the road you went through. The path you checkered. The glory you won. The stupidity you made. The blooming roses you watered. The chances you missed. The laugh you gave. The tears you shared. The bound you create. ... feels like it's been years ago. And suddenly I look at the road right in front of me. I could imagine perfectly a time of night, when I was told that it is so different between an aim and a dream. I miss my dreams.

Senza

I played your overture in allegro , Just didn't want to see you go. I sing your song in fortissimo , Do I have to let you go? But you did go, afterall. Tempo primo, Fine. Senza : without Allegro : playing lively, rapidly Fortissimo : plays very loud Tempo primo : return to original tempo Fine : the end of song

A friend

sometimes when we were alone in the night so afraid reaching out the sky beyond with these two small hands, then she came along to reach your hand with her too small hands and care. (Buat Retno, ... remember the good old days?)

SEMU

Aku menari melenggak-lenggok merasakan tangan yang menggapai-gapai tubuhku Berkedip-kedip, mengerjap-kerjap,menikmati setiap rasa setiap sentuh ujung jemari dan rambutmu yang menyapu lapisan kulitku Lalu aku terjungkal tercekal oleh nafsu Terbangun dan terbelalak mencari kekasihku. Ia tidak di sini

Ketika 'ku Susuri Setapak

... dan ketika aku menoleh kebelakang, tinggal serpihan-serpihan dedaunan kering jatuh... berguguran. Seperti aku jika ditoleh seseorang, atau kutoleh diriku sendiri, hanyalah serpihan Serpih-serpih kecil yang putih, menjadi sejarah yang tergores kemudian di buku putih sampai kemudian aku mati. Sometime in 1997

Serumpun Bunga Paku

Kau datang di depanku bawa serumpun bunga paku Kau berikan, lalu silangkan lenganmu di dadamu … Kamu sayang aku?

Ombak Kesepian

Ombak kesepian berlarian ke tepian Beranak buih putih Jernih Ombak kesepian tegur puan di pinggiran “Kamu sendiri?" Ombak kesepian berlomba menuju tepi Jilat-jilat puan punya kaki Ombak kesepian mendebur puan sepi "Kamu sendiri?" "Peduli apa aku sendiri? Bisik puan dalam hati Ombak kesepian berlari ke tepian Basahi pantai, Jilati puan punya kaki "Kamu sendiri?"

"Diam"

Aku bukan Tuhan. Bukan malaikat. Juga bukan btari suci. Jadi, tolong bicaralah. Supaya aku mengerti. 19.1.05 / 18.25

Di suatu siang

Perutku begah! Mataku memerah. Cerah??? Tidak. Aku siap menjadi durga. Aku siap meledak murka!!! Kepalaku pusing. Penuh dengan pikiran-pikiran miring. Gila??? Mungkin. Jangan-jangan sejak lama!!! Puas??! (Belasan Januari, entah tanggal dan jam berapa. Tapi yang jelas lagi di kantor.)

TODAY

Hey Sunshine, What was up with you today? Wracked me up and ignored me all day. Hey Sunshine, Can’t you just say? What me to do, just show the way. Hey Sunshine, What was up with you today? Roses are dead and so are the hays. Hey Sunshine, Don’t fly away. I’m here for you, and I’ll always stay. (2.1.05 / 19:15)

Purest Paper

Dear purest paper, Why can’t I write something? Dear purest paper, Why my heart is filled with many things? Dear purest paper, Why can’t I think? Dear purest paper, Have I been too much asking? Dear purest paper, All answer I got is the clock ticking. ( 2.1.05 / 19:10)

Clamshell

“Why can’t I just be honest to myself?” Ask a clamshell to the sand beach. “For long you have swum, just to ask something you can even answered by yourself.” said the sand beach but to himself. And so the sand beach remains quiet, and let the ocean wave answers. But listening to the ocean waves, the clamshell gets bored.Then she goes away. Brings her big-bold-white house ... and left her question half-answered. (2.1.05 / 19:00)